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Original poster

I failed.

21 replies

Lopez86 · 19/12/2018 19:58

Today I Failed.
Failed at been a parent.
I couldn't cope with my son's attitude and behaviour that I dragged him to the doctors and demanded an appointment just so a stranger could possibly talk some sense Into him and did it work?

Yes for 15 minutes and then it all started again. So now I'm saying out loud that I cannot cope. I can't cope with my 9 year old.
So today I failed.
Failed at been a parent.

OP posts:

BifsWif · 19/12/2018 19:58

What’s happened?

You haven’t failed

ILiveInSalemsLot · 19/12/2018 20:01

You haven’t failed. You’re trying to deal with it.
Parenting is not easy and we all need some extra support from time time.
Hopefully you’ll get some here if you want to say a bit more about what’s going on.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 19/12/2018 20:01

Phone Childrens Services at your local authority. They want to help and support you. They will not judge you.

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Rory786 · 19/12/2018 20:06

You haven't failed, you realising you need help, that is such a positive step. I would phone the G.P, say you found their support helpful and ask if there is anything out there to give you support for you and your son. They should be able to point you in the right direction.

Original poster

Lopez86 · 20/12/2018 16:33

We are currently working with MAST but there is just no change.. got home today from my work to my OH sat in the car as my son had started kicking off that he couldn't have a bag of chocolate..he then decided to trash his room and say he wanted to kill himself. (Alibg with trying to break the banister, smash his TV against the wall and push me. These issues have been going on years now. When I asked for help 3yrs ago I was told it was a boy thing by the drs (which I new it wasn't) I had to ask school to refer us to MAST.
Drs yday wasn't arsed I could tell he didn't understand why I was there.
OH has said son is really upsetting him and he can't cope with him at the minute so I'm trying to hold it all together.
OH is pushed and pushed
Son is pushing everyone away.
I really don't know what to do.

OP posts:

Rory786 · 20/12/2018 18:33

How old is he OP?

Original poster

Lopez86 · 20/12/2018 20:33

He's 9

OP posts:

user1483972886 · 20/12/2018 20:35

Can anyone give you some respite so you get a chance to gather your strength?

BifsWif · 20/12/2018 20:36

Please call children’s services. They will support you, and signpost to other agencies that may be able to help your son.

Teachdeanta · 20/12/2018 21:15

You haven't failed but you have been failed by the previous gp three years ago. I'm not in UK so I'm unfamiliar with the services. I however have a child with similar. I would recommend reading the 'explosive child' by Ross Greene. This is not your child's fault nor yours. He didn't choose to be like this he just is. I would recommend reading about ODD or PDA and seeing if your child ticks any boxes. If they do you have a starting point for talking to professionals. He may not tick any of these boxes. I found reading up gave me the confidence to tell professionals what they should be looking at. Best of luck it's hard going.

Boatsnack3 · 20/12/2018 21:23

You are not failing, you wouldnt be worried if you were.

My dd 9 has been a nightmare this week too many late nights, too much sugar and too much sensory overload.

If my typical 9 year old is struggling then it's not surprising that any non typical children may be struggling more.

Original poster

Lopez86 · 20/12/2018 21:45

Thanks.

Teachdeanta I've just bought the book you suggested, hopefully that will give me some light.
Long road ahead.
I'm just tired of it all now. My mum is going to take him for a night and day, my Daughter is 4 and she's so different, I feel sorry sometimes that she's around all this.

OP posts:

Teachdeanta · 20/12/2018 22:05

No probs. Best of luck and you are not alone. Don't fret. Something is upsetting him you just need help getting to the bottom of it.

Original poster

Lopez86 · 21/12/2018 08:26

Another morning another day! Let's see what today brings.

OP posts:

WhoKnewBeefStew · 21/12/2018 08:33

Ring everyone you can. Speak to your Senco at school and explain the situation, ring family services, go to your dr again, ring CAHMS, be an absolute pita. Tell everyone he’s saying he wants to kill himself.

My dd is going through this and it’s soul destroying. I feel I’ve missed my other dd growing up as all my attention has been on my youngest. We now have restbite in place so I can spent quality time with dd1 and have a break. She’s going through a full assessement but already been diagnosed with two behavioural issues. More to come I suspect.

You arent failing op, some kids just aren’t wired correctly and sometimes no matter what you do, they simply don’t act as you expect them too. You need to get him under health professionals to have a fighting chance of him (and you) succeeding.

DinosApple · 21/12/2018 08:35

Have you tried filming your DS to show the doctor? I know it sounds awful and he'd probably won't like it, but perhaps if they see what you have to deal with they will understand why it needs addressing.

You haven't failed, you are doing your best in very tough circumstances.

user1483972886 · 21/12/2018 08:48

A chum of mine has 3 kids. One of them fell off the behavioural rails about 2 years ago. Total nightmare at home and school. He's a gorgeous boy but something just flipped. She found it really hard. Eventually he got a part time place in a special school and they helped alot. He's now back 100% mainstream and things are 95% better. She has lovely parents who help her alot.
Do get respite and do push your case. You need help and help is out there you just have to ensure you are prioritised! Good luck! Xxxx

Teachdeanta · 21/12/2018 09:24

Just to add I found GP was unhelpful primarily because it's not their area of expertise. Psychologists are more aware of the different types of neurological issues and behavioural problems. Today is first step to it getting better. Things won't improve over night. With my guy I found making him think he is in control helps. Authoritarian parenting won't work. Ask him to help you get dressed etc. Keep very calm. Tell him he is doing well when he is. Mine doesn't like compliments so I praise him on doing something first time I asked nicely. I give rewards for good behaviour and ignore bad. Hope that helps. Strict parenting only makes things worse for my guy. His anxiety at not being in control sends him into a spin and he acts out.

FestiveNut · 21/12/2018 09:31

Is it possible he has suffered past abuse you're unaware of? This can happen with abuse survivors.

brizzledrizzle · 21/12/2018 09:37

Your son is alive and you care, therefore you haven't failed

Rory786 · 22/12/2018 20:37

Teachdeanta I know its not the area for G.P's ( but they can refer you to other help) Don't underestimate the support of an amazing G.P. If you don't gel with your current one, ask to change. Some G.P's will go out of their way to offer support and advice.

Also ask the school for support. Don't be afraid to reach out, you are not a failure at all because you recognise there is an issue. Hope it works out for you, OP. There is always support here.

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