Any adult ADHDers feeling overwhelmed by Christmas/life in general and want to chat?

[ChristmasTigger]

I didn’t get a diagnosis until I was an adult and started on Ritalin a year ago - it has improved so many things but not everything & I’m having one of those days where I feel so frustrated with myself for struggling with the everyday things - tidying, planning, organising...

My house is a tip and I don’t know where to start. I managed to buy all the Christmas presents ahead of time online this year But the boxes are all piled up in a cupboard unopened & I can’t bring myself to get them all out as I hate wrapping and feel like I need to tidy first.

I’m on holiday from work at the moment (I actually manage to function well at work!) and have work paperwork to finish at home, and have two days before the kids break up to organise my whole life...

I’m ashamed that the house has got SO messy, my car is a tip, I have post I keep forgetting to send, forms half filled in (I’ve lost an important form I need to send ASAP even though I had it in my hand earlier) trying to keep up with the DC’s plays, carol concerts, need to do a food shop (which is something I struggle to keep on top of as I forget until there is nothing to eat!)

Other people would never know how much I gets to me sometimes - or even know I have it. My partner understands more but even he gets frustrated with me at times at the general mess and chaos and hunting for lost car keys all the bloody time.

I’m a happy outgoing person so much of the time, have many friends and a good mum and have achieved a lot. I know that rationally and keep telling myself when I struggle, but today is just a day where I feel so shit about myself and have been crying at not knowing where to start, wondering if maybe I’m just really bloody lazy and useless, and feeling generally sorry for myself that other people really don’t understand how much effort it takes to function sometimes. (And I know there are much worse things to have and I should just pull myself together.)

Or how it affects EVERYTHING in my life - people have such misconceptions about it and always picture the stereotype of “the naughty boy who can’t sit still in class”.

Also, I impulsively bid on many items on eBay recently. The clothes just keep coming... some are lovely - some don’t fit, I ordered about three pairs of shoes that are nearly identical, plus I already need to “declutter” and haven’t got round to it. Every time the postman knocks the door I groan, wondering what is arriving this time..

I had a moment this morning where I just thought “I wish I had a female friend with ADHD who I could call, who could see the funny side of this type of day”. I know some children with ADHD, of friends, who I always get on well and have fun with. But no adults, and sometimes I’d love to chat to someone who “gets it”.

Have taken an higher dose of Ritalin - even though I’m not keen on the dulled sedated feeling I get from a higher dose - in a bid to at least figure out where to start with getting the bloody house tidy... and am procrastinating on mumsnet, while I wait for it to kick in...

Anyone out there? 🤞😃

*and am a good mum (although I have a fairly good one too!)

Hey I’m in a similar boat except I’ve also got depression and I’ve taken to my bed at the moment.

Oh hello!

I’m so sorry you are in bed NameChange. I also have suffered badly with depression, although it has got a lot better since I started the ADHD medication ( I think sometimes it was sheer overwhelm that lead to the depression.)

And I totally understand taking to your bed, it feels like somewhere safe to stay and hide out when everything just feels too much.

Have you been up and had a shower or a bath? Even if you are only up to doing that, sticking some clean clothes on, then getting back into bed, it is still a good start.

In truth, I got diagnosed with bipolar 2, at the same time as ADHD (which I had to go private for) and the mood stabiliser has helped massively.

I didn’t want to put “bipolar” even anonymously (with a name change!) because I feel ashamed of the stigma of that and rarely tell people in real life... silly, I know.

Hi,
I'm feeling for you
But I have a house full of spectrumites and ADHD'ers and we keep things quiet and everybody can do as he or she likes. No family around and the family I have, well, it's genetic after all

Don’t feel ashamed of your diagnosis OP. I’m now out of bed and about to start wrapping presents for family. I’m just out of sorts because I’m visiting friends either tonight or tomorrow morning and then visiting another friend with them on the Friday and staying there. I’ve never met this friends family before though and since I’m autistic I’m not great with meeting new people or going new places so I’m very anxious about this upcoming event, even though it’ll most likely be completely fine and a lot of fun I’ve managed to work myself up into a state. But I can’t not go as it’s his 21st.

Quick tip re wrapping. My friend told me last night that this year she decided to just do gift bags for everyone. She said 'I'll wrap a book or a dvd but everything else, stick it in a bag with some tissue paper.'

I looked back on all the hours of wrapping I did a couple of weeks ago (all in front of the TV obvs) and feel like such a mug.

I would but 90% of the presents are for kids and they love pulling the paper off and they’re all box shaped so not too taxing I hope 😂

my tip for wrapping is to throw a blanket over bigger presents rather than wrap, wrapping paper isn't very eco anyway - I'd have gone full no wrap but small DC. I HATE wrapping, I'm bad at it, and it seems like a pointless time suck to me.

I'm amazed you'd feel ashamed of a bi-polar diagnosis, i've 2 close family with it and another with ADHD and it never changed the way I felt about them when they told me except that some things in their history made more sense, in a way I felt I understood them better.

There is just so much to do with Christmas - I long for what I imagine was christmas of yore which didn't start until Christmas Eve and there were no endless kids events and presents to buy etc.

I do suspect I might have adhd but tbh I’ve spent my whole life looking for an excuse for why I’m such a faliure so probably it’s just wishful thinking.

Anyway I’ve barely registered that it’s coming up to Christmas yet tbh. Been focused on other things.

I actually think the demands of Christmas are virtually impossible to meet unless you are superhuman and don't work. I could go on about patriarchy and expectations set by former generation where mums didn't work plus horrible aspirational media. But I won't.

I feel utterly overwhelmed by Christmas and I don't have a diagnosis of ADHD or bipolar 2 (although have had my share of mental health issues in the past, totally no judgement coming from me). Go easy on yourself, OP

Shopping is insane - popped into our large sainsburies this am and suddenly this advert music came on REALLY loud, couldn't hear myself speaking never mind thinking - I actively went to Customer services to complain but they are saying it won't turn down, It gave me the heebie jeebies and wiped my brain of any thoughts so just a warning to folk!

I don't work and it's still overwhelming and I do bog all. I'm trying to glide my way through this Christmas but still worrying, etc. Even with bog all to do really, except a trip round the family.

yes it's gotten out of hand, and all the expectations can never be fully met. My DC are always grumpy on Christmas day, as even when they've received exactly what they wanted, the reality can never live up to the hype of it all.

I hate receiving gifts. It makes me incredibly stressed and overwhelmed so I’m giving my friends gifts without telling them, and letting them know that I categorically do not need nor want them to buy anything for me in return because it upsets me and I get enough from family. I’m hoping they don’t take offence.

i'd be delighted to have a friend that wanted to give me a gift and wanted nothing back! I know, it makes me uncomfortable too. I'm sure they won't name!!

Yes! My house is currently a tip and we are meant to have guests tomorrow for a family birthday... so of course I'm drinking tea and mumsnettjng because I'm too overwhelmed to do anything about it.

I make the same mistake every year of wanting to wait until the house is tidy to wrap presents. So I can see everything together, and so I can wrap under the tree with a Christmas movie and a drink to hand like normal people. But I've finally learnt that this is unachievable. This mindset only leads to last minute stress and an overwhelming amount to wrap in one go until the early hours Christmas Eve. I've got about half wrapped so far. At this rate I'll only have small stocking presents to wrap Christmas Eve, and I've bought pre-cut tissue paper and don't wrap everything in them, so that is when I can have my relaxing Christmassy wrapping. Start now. Worry about the house later. You can't tidy bedrooms on Christmas Eve if ton still have wrapping to do.

I feel like Ritalin helps massively with my memory, and it helps me to reply to all messages I'd usually ignore, which is a pretty big thing, but it doesn't help with anything else. Definitely doesn't stop the procrastination or being organised in any other way.

Well I am glad I found this thread.
Op what you said has resonated so much with me. I have spent years like this, procrastinating, writing lists, never sticking to anything.
I've long suspected ADHD.

In November 2016 I was diagnosed with OCD after suffering since I was a small child. I crave order and routine and clean the same things over and over but nothing ever looks any better.
I've also been in constant pain since 2005 and was initially told it was sciatica which made sense at the time and then other symptoms developed over time and then last November 2017 ( what is it with November and me being dx with something?! ) I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.

I have seen a pain specialist recently and told him that my anxiety is up the wall which affects my pain levels ( I take meds for pain and anxiety and OCD ) and I told him I suspected ADHD and I'm now waiting for a referral.

My almost 16yr old ds has Aspergers and I highly suspect my almost 8yr old dd has ADHD.

Everything has just clicked into place for me and it would make me feel better to know I'm not imagining this.
Family do not understand which makes it very isolating as there's nobody to talk to about it.

How about a virtual friend for now?
I'm 40, live in the NW and like making lists

i've a viritual to do list on my email account I've had for 2 years with virtually unchanged items (get rid of old computers, must collate all the dcs' pictures and put them in memory books etc). in my case though these tasks just bore me so I do things that really matter and debate whether the DC will remember if I lose their artwork, age 2.

Ha, I've always hated getting gifts, didn't realise it might be part of the ADHD.

Hey.
I can relate. My dad taught me a technique for getting daunting tasks like tidying done and it works for me every time. Just do 20 things ( or even 10) . That means : 1. pick a sock from the floor and start a pile om the bed. 2.put a pair of pants in the wash basket etc.... 20 things then becomes 50. then 100 then your on a rol and its done and you feel in control. If you need to just do ten things , then stop there, at least you've made a start, This is so helpful for me. :)