Judgmental ISW refuses to continue with a SGO assessment ordered by court, what can I do.

[Nannie26]

My carer and I who is step grandfather to child, have been put forward by child's previous SW for a SGO assessment this was also ordered by the court for an ISW to carry this out but on the first visit she was very judgemental when I said we were not a couple, because the pervious SW had put in assessment paper he was my partner, she came back on 2nd visit with child's SW who discriminated against us because of my health condition saying she had major concerns about our ability to care for the child if I had an episode and my carer would not be able to put child's needs first , my episodes are pain related the child's SW has not read the report and said this
We had the cousin of child for 18 months from birth and passed a private fostering assessment 5 months after I had a back opertion.we got nothing for her I brought provided everything for her everything a growing baby would need
What can I do and where do I stand with this as I am so upset about this.
I think I have shown a commitment to the grandchild as I stayed in hossy with him for a week then he was placed in our care for 5 weeks by the courts before going to a mother and baby unit which failed and he is now in foster care.
I have been firgating ever since. Any advice will be gratefully received.

It sounds like quite a confusing situation.

The child is in foster care.

The child’s step grandfather wants a SGO for him.

But the step grandfather is a full time carer for you, who has a chronic pain/back issue.

You aren’t a couple but the last social worker thought you were?

Do you live together?

A child who has been in care will likely need full time care themselves so maybe the step grandfather isn’t in the best place to provide this right now?

It is right that the court should consider whether other caring responsibilities will interfere with his ability to care for the child.

I am a SW and trying to get this straight:

Your carer has a step-grandchild he wishes to care for. You are not a couple but a previous SW has said you were (Did you give this SW reason to believe this?). Therefore the carer is your employee? This in itself is a massive issue. This is not a stable, committed, long term relationship. It is a working arrangement.

You have major health needs of your own as you need a carer. If he is caring for you then it is likely they have assessed that he wont be able to give everything he needs to caring for the child.

At the end of the day the whole assessment will be based around the needs of the child and what would be best for them. You don't say what age the child is which could be relevant? If you have an episode and your carer needs to be working with you more intensively who would be looking out fo the child?

Why are you fighting this? It is not your relative. What is the alternative plan for the child?

Thank you both for responding. .....sorry for not replying sooner.
Sarah and duck18
yes it is confusing , child is 7 months old, in foster care at moment, LA want adoption, previous SW put us forward together for SGO, mother wants step dad (my carer) to have SGO because i had niece from 3 weeks old till 5 months old for a total of 18 months, step dad became my carer, when niece was 5 months old, we passed a private fostering assessment when niece was 10 months old, when niece was 5 months old I had major spine surgery. Was flat on back for 4 months but still managed to look after and care for niece and meet her needs, we worked as a team as any two people would who had child best interests at heart and did not want her to go into care we proved we could do this.
Previous SW knew was carer and not couple.... knew we had separate bedrooms, I have 3 bed house.......carer would have been homeless if had not been willing to be my carer.
Apolloanddaphne
I have answered some questions above and hopefully shed some light to background to why fighting
We work well together and when people have asked if or thought we were a couple I have put straight and told no he is a gery good friend and my carer.
Child is now 7 months old
I have always wanted to go into forstering
As I am a very caring person, who was a carer, support worker, in care, I would help any long standing friend / family member to keep, look after their child, i will do my upmost to stop that child from going into care, or I would never forgive myself.

Apolloanddaphne
My condition is invisible it's more cooking preparing food, cleaning, doing washing, laundry, shopping, carrying shopping helping me in out of Bath on a bath board, helping undress top half because can not get hands above my head due to arthritis in my shoulders and spine which are my care needs, I don't have episodes as these are just pain and I have a high pain threshold, I am in constant pain and take pain killers when really bad just go to bed and become a hermit for days because I take morphine when pain killers don't work.
Carer does what ever he likes in between.

So, you have a live in carer, you had your baby niece living with you for 18 months and your carer helped you with her care.

Your carer now wants to care for his baby step-granddaughter under the same kind of arrangement but SW aren’t happy with that?

I can understand, you caring for a baby with the help of a carer is different because your health needs dictate you will always need a carer. So if the current working relationship broke down in some way, you would find another carer to support you caring for baby. So the carer has a responsibility to care for you and, by extension, any children you have (though I wouldn’t have approved you as a private foster carer so soon after surgery).

Your carer however has a full time caring role already, caring for you. You would have no responsibility for his child so no duty to support him in his care for the child, and if you both needed him he would need to prioritise and the fear would be that he might prioritise your needs (as his employer) over the needs of the baby. Folk who adopt are expected to take a good chunk of time off work to build a relationship with their new addition - which is essential to their development. He couldn’t do this because he lives with you and you need him to care for you.

It’s not the same thing as him helping you because he needs to care for you because it’s his job. He can’t care for a baby and do his job at the same time.

You need to accept that you are in no position to care for a small child when you need a carer yourself. You would never be accepted as a foster carer. If the long term plan is adoption then the SS will be looking at who can care for the child into adulthood and beyond and your condition is only likely to get worse not better. I think you need to work on coping with your feelings about this and let the child go to a family who will offer them a stable and loving home.

Fostering is different from a SGO. Fostering be is paid whereas a SGO isn't. It sounds as though it's a very uncertain situation. If the relationship between you and the step grandfather breaks down, he can't have the child because he'd have nowhere to live, and you couldn't have the DC either because you'd need a new carer to look after you.

I don't think the ISW was being judgemental they are stating the facts:

The step grandad who is seeking SGO has a full time live-in carer job and thus is unavailable to meet the needs of a traumatised child. There was some confusion over the current caring role and you have explained that you are in a professional relationship with the step grandad. So you have no connection with the child apart from them being a relative of your carer and are thus discounted as far as the SGO placement is concerned.

You cannot meet the needs of a 7 month old baby who has been in foster care, when you in your own words become a "hermit"

As you require full time care and it certainly sounds like your illness is progressive how will you run around after a pre-schooler?
What about getting the child to school and back when you're having a particularly bad day??

If your carer is in receipt of carers allowance and it's at the highest rate, i would be mindful that this may be recalculated based on the fact they can find the time to care for a baby inbetween your needs.

Thank you all for taking the time to respond, it has been very useful many thanks to you all