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Advice on son not wanting to go out with behavioural problems/asd.

10 replies

Twinklz · 19/12/2018 07:45

I have a 6 year old son with behavioural issues. (Possibly asd) he doesn’t want to go anywhere even when it’s for himself. He prefers to stay in the house.

When we take him to the park and he hasn’t wanted to go home, he’s enjoyed when he’s there.

However, most other places he has meltdowns before and during.

I’m not sure what’s best to do.

OP posts:
toolazytothinkofausername · 19/12/2018 07:48

Sounds like my 6 year old (asd) His biggest problem is transitioning from different locations. I have no answers I'm afraid :(

EwItsAHooman · 19/12/2018 09:26

My son has ASD and this is something we've had trouble with too. I can tell you what works for DS, every child is different so it might not work for your son but it's worth a go.

Social stories. You can make your own (there are guides and examples online) or some venues have them on their website for download. It shows where you're going, what it looks like, what you might see/hear, etc. and helps with anxiety about the unknown. We read the story before going to prepare.

Plenty of warning for transitions. A digital watch was good for this as I could set alarms for him alongside my verbal reminders. For example, leaving the park "Ten minutes and we're going to leave.... Five minutes .... Okay, last turn and then time to go ... Right, home time."

Telling him in advance where we are going and why, how long we'll be there, and what he can do if he's had enough. Having a plan helps him. So I'll say "we're going to Tesco. I need bread, milk, and something for dinner. It'll take around half an hour. If it's too noisy or busy for you, you can have your music on" (he has headphones and an iPod).

Headphone. Or ear defenders. They cut down on the amount of sensory input coming in. Ditto an iPad or handheld gaming toy. Anything he can use to shut the world out a little and don't worry about anyone judging you for using it, that's their issue not yours. One afternoon at the park in the summer DS was sat underneath our picnic table with his headphones on, a towel over his head, playing on his iPad because he needed to shut out the world for a bit.

Give him outlets. Before he was diagnosed we used to get really self-conscious about him stimming, twirling, clicking, etc and would try stop him. Now (so long as he's not harming anyone or causing a danger) we let him, mainly because we now understand more about his condition and we know it serves a purpose. We also have a kit for him that helps meet various needs - chew toy, fiddle toys, etc.

We also try and avoid situations we know he doesn't like or we manage them to fit. For example he loves softplay but hates crowds so we go when we know it's going to be quiet (midweek after school, sunny days, last session on a Sunday). He also loves the walking trail at our local National Trust so we go when it's raining or cold. We go on holiday during off-peak and in term time. We look for ASD-friendly sessions at local attractions a d we have a CEA card which gives a free carer ticket for the cinema and a Max Card which gives discounted/free entry (and often queue jumpers) to loads of attractions to help mitigate our costs if he wants to leave early or can't/won't access all the facilities - you don't feel as bad about leaving the ££££ attraction after only ten minutes if you got in for free and didn't have to queue!

Are you a member of any ASD support groups locally? I'd recommend doing a Google search to see what's available, they often do clubs and events specifically tailored towards children with ASD as well as education courses and workshops. I take DS to clubs and events through ours and it's nice to be amongst people who understand, no one bats an eyelid if he has a meltdown (they offer to help!) and no one thinks he's weird or rude if he doesn't join in or if he plays differently to the other kids.

Twinklz · 19/12/2018 09:54

Toolazy- see what ewlts has posted.

Ewlts: Thankyou for you long detailed reply. I really appreciate it. I’m really glad some of the things you wrote had worked for yours. I’ve tried similar things to what you’ve said but maybe I need to try to adapt them a little.

For example, The social stories are a good idea. I’ve tried something similar but probably not as good as a social story. I’ve showed him videos and photos of where we are going. Sometimes these can be our own photos of wherever we have been before. Once I’ve shown them to him, he nearly always still says he doesn’t want to go. I’ll check the websites you mentioned.

I’ve tried the warnings of 10 minutes and then 5 minutes with him. There are times of when I have told him 10 minutes I’d get a thump ☹️

I could let him use his tablet more when we are out. Might me time to get a new one and maybe that will help. And yes I’ve seen people look.

I do try to take him when it’s less busy. For example we went to a trampoline park last week. There was nobody in there, just us. He had a ball. I took him again yesterday and there we around 20 other kids in there. He became very angry and just couldn’t cope with the other kids there.

I’ll check to see if we are entitled to any cards. Will also check support groups locally. Smile

I suppose my main issue is, should he be forced places he doesn’t want to go?

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redexpat · 19/12/2018 09:55

I show DS a picture of where we're going. If it's a new place then I'm up front and tell him that, and tell him what I know about it. Then I bribe him with sausage rolls.

EwItsAHooman · 19/12/2018 10:09

Unless it's somewhere we absolutely have to go like a hospital appointment or school then I don't force him.

I'll try persuade him or sweeten the deal - "look, I know you don't like bowling but your brother and sister really want to go. You don't have to bowl, you can sit at the table with me and play on your iPad while they bowl. We'll have a slush puppy, it'll be fun.".

Or I'll offer a compromise - "we'll take your brother and sister bowling then afterwards we can go watch the zebra crossing for twenty minutes" (he's obsessed with zebra crossings and those street signs that flash up your speed in LED lights).

If he's really insistent though then I don't make him. Something I know he absolutely won't do, we do without him. Either my mum will have him and we take the other DC, or DH/I stays home and the other takes the other DC.

If it's a day where we have nothing specific planned but I know I need to get them out of the house, I ask him where he wants to go and that staying home isn't an option, he has to choose somewhere outside.

Twinklz · 19/12/2018 10:25

Ewlts- Thankyou, fornall you suggestions and advice. I really appreciate it.

It’s hard isn’t it? Looks like your doing a good job thoughSmile

OP posts:
marthastew · 19/12/2018 10:27

We also use photos a lot.

Anxiety is awful.

Thanks
Twinklz · 19/12/2018 10:31

Redex and Martha- Thankyou

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Twinklz · 19/12/2018 21:09

Bump

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Twinklz · 20/12/2018 19:56

Bump

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