Bedtimes - I lost the plot tonight

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Tonight I lost the plot with DS and I feel utterly ashamed. DS is 7 and a fairly typical if demanding boy but for the past two months has been really playing up at bedtime - refusing to go to bed, endless trips downstairs, being rude to me, running around the house and refusing to go upstairs, you name it. I’ve had situations where I’m on the phone to a friend after he’s gone to bed and he’s come down and started interrupting, calling out, sometimes yelling over me. It’s awful. It’s actually making me feel depressed - I feel I’m failing him and have no control, whatever I try doesn’t seem to work.
To give the full picture, I’m a lone parent so the bedtimes fall entirely to me night after night and being honest, I’m exhausted and utterly fed up with it. The evenings are also the only time I get (I work full time) so apart from being generally tired and needing to eat something, I just want some downtime.

I’ve generally got more and more shouty over the past couple of months (much to my shame, I really hate the confrontation). Tonight though I just lost it. My friend had called earlier and wanted to talk through a fairly serious problem she’s having and I said I’d call her back, but couldn’t because of the nonsense going on with my son. I just thought I can’t even make a phone call in my own home. Anyway, I was so angry after the 5th needless trip upstairs and I ended up half wrestling with my son while he was in bed out of sheer fury, while yelling and swearing 😔
My son ended up comforting me which I feel even worse about, I think he could see I couldn’t take any more but I totally lost control and I feel mortified.
Please don’t flame me - I feel awful enough - but if anyone has any coping strategies or advice I would be so grateful to hear.

WE all have days where we can’t take anymore. Perhaps you could say sorry tomorrow, but explain you are finding it very hard at the moment.

Can you try to instigate a new routine, perhaps get him involved in agreeing what the process will be, and hope he buys in to it?

I feel your pain. My husband works 3venings, so bedtime is usually down to me. Our youngest hated going to bed, so I used to let her sleep on the armchair, as I couldn’t bear the disruption

Can't do him any harm to see what effect his pissing around every night is having on you.

Oh OP that sounds tough for both of you. I was a single parent to my son for several years while working full time and I remember well the real need for some down time in the evenings.
Do you have a sense of what is going on to drive the behaviour? Does your son think he doesn't get enough time with you during the week? Could you change anything about the post school/work routine so that he gets more of your attention in the hope he'll then settle off to bed happier and you get to have an evening?
In the short term could you ask friends to call later so you do not have the frustration of missed calls and can focus on your son?
I guess for me there's something about being kinder to yourself if this does happen but also the temptation will be to pull back and try even harder to establish 'me time' when actually what might help is spending more time with your son in order to get the pay off of calmer bedtimes and more me time in the long run.
It's hard though OP, hats off and it won't last forever

Don’t worry about it. What’s done is done. In future if you feel like you are loosing your temper just remove yourself from the situation. Go into another room. Tell him not to follow you.

Oh bless you. My DS of a similar age pushed those boundaries with me in the summer. Never for his dad only me. I too got to breaking point and ended up screeching at him. We then sat and had a long chat the next day and it's been much better since.

I know it's not how you wanted to behave but it won't have harmed him to see that you have limits as well.

On occasion when every other avenue has failed I see no harm in spectacularly losing ones shit. I'm a lone parent too. I parent by picking my battles but having firm boundaries. I've lost my shit enough times for it to be effective. But not enough to be damaging. I'm sure this approach won't be popular but hey I'm living with two gorgeous young teens so we are doing ok

Thank you for your kind replies.
I’m worried because it feels as if I’m losing control, not getting better at it. I genuinely don’t know how to improve things. Is this normal behaviour for a 7 year old, am I expecting too much and this is just what happens?

Please don't berate yourself. I am also a lone parent to a gorgeous 11 yo BUT the last few years have been a combination of shouty, adoring and exasperated Sonetines all at once.

Yes, I’m worried that my shoutiness is damaging my son. He’s not enjoying school either so his home life should at least be calm and feel safe, not me getting angry. It’s not how I want to be at all 😥 Just feel so upset by it all and feel trapped.

Pre-bedtime..
I need to keep myself together and break the pattern that’s building.
Any tips for a smooth bedtime for a 7 yr old?

Have a chat with him tonight, let him have a nice bath and give him your full attention, no phones. Read a story or 2 (yes it's ok to read 2) then after talk about last night and tell him honestly how he's making you feel. And how you hope tonight will be better :) good luck!