Help I'm overwhelmed

[chp2407]

My little boy was born nearly two years ago. He had a serious infection that nearly took his life, he is now fine but due to the stress of it all my husband is now quite ill. I also have a 4 year old daughter...just felling a little overwhelmed...

My DS almost died at 3 weeks old, in Jan this year. He's fine now but will have ongoing hospital appointments for the rest of his life. I had a huge break down in the summer and took myself off to the Dr and got some help. Are you struggling with what happened?

And do you want to talk it through?

Hi, I don't know where to start or even what to say but it feels better to know someone else has found it tough. Were you in a relationship? Has is suffered? I'm so sorry about your little boy, you're not quite a year in, a year is not that long in many ways...How are you? You said you had a huge breakdown....that worries me, are you ok?

You're bound to feel overwhelmed given all that's happened. If you're really low I'd suggest going to speak to your GP. When I was depressed I went and felt a lot better after opening up to him, plus the subsequent AD's for a good 6 months.

I went to the doctors who said i had anxiety, I hadn't considered that at the time but it makes sense. I'm feeling better for the tablets, I feel more like myself but I am struggling with my husband's illness, there's no tablet for that! It's not something that can be cured either. I've had a bit of a virus this last week and I suppose it's left me feeling a bit sorry for myself...I think I want taking care of...I suppose it's left me wondering what sort of person I am....I want to be stronger, I want to be inspirational but it turns out im fragile and week and ....selfish? Don't know where to begin or even if I have the energy to be a better person? Any practical advice (or maybe a reality check 😕) much appreciated.

Was the illness recent for your son? It will be a scary time for you as it's the worst thing that can happen. You need to allow yourself to process it and not just assume that you should be ok now as he pulled through.

Definitely advise seeing the gp, no shame in that and they are there to help.

I know you said no medication for your husband but is there something that can be done for him? Counselling?

You're not selfish - it's perfectly ok to want an easy life!

You have a lot going on, and a lot of people are depending on you. This can be tough at the best of times. When you are ill yourself it's bloody impossible.

Have you head the saying "you can't pour from an empty jug"? It means, you need to look after yourself first. That's right, even before your DS. Certainly before your DH. It's so that you get stronger, and then you can look after other people.

It's the same reason you are told in an aircraft to put on your own oxygen mask before you help others.

Yes, I'm married and my relationship did suffer but my DH supported me when I got help and was incredibly understanding. I am on antidepressants and have had psychology counselling to help work through how I feel. I look back and I see a typical grief cycle for how I behaved. Sadness, grief, heart ache, anger, frustration. Have to accept that the life we'd intended for our DS won't quite be as we hoped and hospital will feature heavily and possibly more operations.
When you say your DH is unwell, do you mean mentally? Physically? Is this as a result of what has happened?