Daughter feeling disappointed with lack of praise at school.

[XmasCrackers]

DD is my first so I might be being a bit precious here.

She started reception in September. In her class there is a reward system in place. Children start the day on "ready to learn". If they do something well, their name will be moved up to "Good job" and then if they do something else we'll, they'll be moved up to "superstar". Likewise, if they misbehave, they'll be put on "think" and then "time out".

In the time since starting school, DD has never got on superstar. She is regularly on good job. She has been telling me for quite some time she is upset about this and that she's trying really hard to get on superstar. Ive told her that I don't mind at all if she gets on superstar. If she stays on ready to learn or good job, then I'm proud of her. But the last few days she's been really upset about it again. I suggested to her she could maybe tell her teacher that she's trying very hard to get on superstar and she's never made it on there and ask what she could do to try to get on. She has told me that she tried to ask the teacher today but the teacher didn't answer her. Then at home time she tried to ask again but was shooshed.

I'm not upset with the teacher for this at all. I can only imagine that dealing with 25 4 or 5 year olds must be a juggling act and she can't always stop what she's doing to listen to my DD.

DD though, was upset again tonight because of this. What should I do? Should I just tell her to say nothing and keep doing her best? Should I approach the teacher? I know DD is doing very well at school so I have no concerns but I just feel bad for her. I think she feels a bit invisible.

Oh I should add that most days, people get out on superstar. Also, it seems to be a lot of the same names going on.

Oh god I remember shit like this.

My kids both soon realised that it was the troublemakers who got the most rewards for doing basic stuff like sitting still and not disrupting the class. One of ds friends even told his mum that he needed to start misbehaving then he would get rewards for behaving and this was in reception class.

Have a word with the teacher to get her the first one, hopefully after that the novelty will wear off and she see the system for what it is......Bollox 😂

My DS is now at secondary school in year 7 but at primary he regularly got this sort of award - probably every few weeks or so

That's because the teachers did it fairly so that everyone received the accolade at least once each term. It's easy for them to just make a list and ensure that everyone gets some nice praise and recognition for something throughout the term

If they absolutely must have these systems then that's the only way to do it fairly - and after all, every child will do something at some point that merits an extra ' you did well there' kind of thing

So I'd ask the teacher if they keep track and eventually work through everyone over a term?

I would have a word with the teacher, but my school experience with my bright and well-behaved dds was that nothing ever really changed.

It is disappointing, but I am open to them that awards and certificates aren't given fairly, they are given to 3ncourage kids who are struggling, and they are both lucky to find school quite easy (both academically and in managing their behaviour).

I make sure we reward them at home and let them get positive feedback from family (e.g. let them ring grandma to tell them about doing well at something).

Good luck having a word with the teacher. I had to point out to a teacher that the only time DS2 had got a superstar fricking certificate was for not making a fuss when another boy pulled DSs pants down in front of the whole class as a 'joke.' DS was not only devastated by the 'joke,' he was in despair at what you had to do (not complain when bullied) to get the award. Nothing demotivated him more at school than that stupid system. After that happened he completely stopped trying at primary school.

He moved to a selective grammar where there's none of that fatuous 'everyone is a superstar' mentality. The focus is on genuine hard work and personal bests. He's flourished under the more emotionally insightful system.

I hope OP's daughter moves on to a more enlightened school for juniors or secondary.

OneStep that's appalling :(

My DD starts school in September, we have two primaries locally and one has behaviour charts on the wall of shame the other doesn't. We have picked the latter.

To echo what others said, my nephew was complaining that only the naughty children got behaviour prizes, and this was 7 or 8 years ago.

I like the fact that being told to 'think' in school is basically a punishment .

Yes, my hardworking and well-behaved DD noticed this too.
One day, when she'd missed out on some "star" award that a naughty child got for managing not to hit anyone for the afternoon, she asked me why the children who never hit anyone don't get awards, and noted that if she started hitting people then she'd probably soon start getting them.

Being good and working hard often seems to go unnoticed.

Would you believe that DD has come home today beaming from ear to ear that she got on superstar. She managed to talk to her teacher when she called her over to do reading. Then subsequently got put on superstar after doing great reading and knowing her "tricky words". I suppose she will have learned that sometimes if you don't ask, you don't get. I'm proud of her for being confident enough to ask the question and get the result she wanted

When I was at school, it was only the disruptive kids who got merits. It was supposed to be motivational for them, but it just made the well behaved ones feel like not bothering. We stuffed handwipes down the toilets and caused a flood due to feeling rebellious one lunchtime so these types of strategies can backfire.

XmasCrackers I'm so glad! And it's great that she managed to sort it out for herself. good on the teacher too, for getting what she was saying and responding immediately.

I know where you are coming from OP. My DC is in year 4. Has not received star of the week for the past 2 years. Is hard working, follows the rules, is polite and well behaved. Other children have received it several times, even the really naughty children. My DC is completely demoralised by it.

A TA has told me unofficially that naughty children get rewarded to try and improve their behaviour and the whole system is flawed as those that genuinely deserve it never get it. It doesn't send out a great message but you could argue it teaches children that life is never fair!!

I’d hate to be the teacher responsible for remembering to moving 30 children up and down some traffic light system throughout the day. What a waste of time.