Do you have to buy Christmas presents for the wider family? (nephews, in laws etc)

[IceTippedMountains]

God I am so fed up of my in-laws and Christmas. For years we have all had to buy presents for the whole bloody family - my brothers siblings and their partners, plus their kids.

I could understand it 10-20 years ago when the adults were younger and we could afford nice presents and when the kids were little (i.e cheap presents).

But all adults are forty-something (other that PIL) and presents seem to consist of perfume, nice chocolates and candles for the us ladies for the blokes it chocolate, socks or cheap tat. I MEAN WHY? Its effectively a waste of money and presents don't mean anything special to any of us...

And said 'kids' are now teenagers or early 20s, it's harder enough buying for my two teens never mind another six. I kind of feel they are old enough to stop Chrimbo presents...

Or am I being a grinch?

These days we only buy for the PIL and one BIL and his partner. All the nephews and nieces are over 21 and we won't see them or the other BIL over Christmas anyway

We buy for everybody but I will admit to buying the same few gifts in bulk for those whose paths will never cross so 3 or 4 people will get the exact same gift so won't say there is any love or thought put into it.

Could you suggest some sort of Secret Santa

Buy for children (under 18) only. Not adults and not older “kids”.

When we had no kids and DB had kids we had to buy for kids and the adults. When other kids came along DB said only buying for the kids. Ignoring all the bloody years they let us buy for adults and kids!

Yeah, I buy for everyone in my extended family and all the ILs. I buy for over 30 people. My family we all have Amazon wishlists so it's token gifts that are wanted (books and CDs mainly) all round. ILs are a smaller family (7 adults) and they are all coming here for Christmas so couldn't really get away with not buying for them!

You're an adult, suggest something different or dictate you won't.

I buy for parents and siblings, less spent on their partners. All nieces and nephews but biggest is 19 and in a decent wage so his just got cut. Niece is always expensive as it's usually theatre or gig ticket. Little oens are tiny so, yeah.

I guess when big ones get partners, I'll buy a small joint present and when thry have kids I'll buy for them instead?

We do a secret Santa that isn’t secret. The children all get pressies but the grown ups only buy for one adult. Budget £50. Done.

We only buy for our own DC, no other family members get anything. And the DC (8 and 5) get a good portion of second hand gifts too. I'm so over the whole Christmas gifting for adults thing. We get 3 days worth of really nice food, a nice tree and a nice Wentworth jigsaw puzzle, and that's Christmas.

This is why I hate Christmas, meaningless gifts for people we hardly ever see. Years ago I decided only to buy for my immediate family - parents, two sisters, neice and nephew and my own son.
Everyone else gets a card and that's it.
I'm not going into debt for Christmas, not ever.

I've tried suggesting Secret Santa for years but no one has ever agreed

Your right buying for 18+ is ridiculous. I suppose I will just stand up to MiL as DH is too weak to inform her that no one over the age of 18 is getting presents from us (there will be only one left to buy for by next year). Although I might shout them a drink from the pub on Christmas Day.

I will also tell MIL that we are just going to by a nice bottle of wine for each couple, and if DH siblings don't want to buy for us that's fine.

No one has to buy a present for anyone! I buy for

1. people I gave birth to
2. people I've married
3. people who gave birth to my husband
4. people who conceived and gave birth to me
5. other people conceived and birthed by those aforementioned at 4.

I buy for my daughter,son in law,2 grand daughters and my son.
Oh and myself.

Maybe one workmate who is like another mum to me.

That's it.

I'm gradually chipping away at our wider family.
1/2 the Bil / SiL /DB / DSis now don't 'do' presents.... some stubborn ones hanging on in there.
I instigated that none of the DNs get them after they turn 21. (If I'm seeing them over Christmas will give some chocs or a box of biscuits so not empty handed whilst others get presents).
It is FAR less wasteful of people politely saying "Oh, thank you very much" whilst inside thinking 'nightmare', and far less stressful in the run up to Christmas with fewer gifts to think of / get / wrap.

If you can't get them to agree to a Secret Santa then chip away gradually couple by couple.

We buy presents for my parents and PILs. We don't buy for siblings or their spouses (but do for their DC). Then we buy for wider family (uncles / aunts / cousins etc) only if we are seeing them on Christmas day.

No we don’t, we stop presents for nieces/nephews/Godchildren at 18 (cash gifts). Token gift for one sibling (not the others ), my parents have made it clear that they really don’t want any presents, they are late 80s, have everything they want or need & are desperately trying to declutter their lives. My DH & I don’t exchange gifts so I only have to buy for our only child. Easy !!