The realities of life with a dog!

[KateGrey]

I have three dc (10,8,6). The youngest two have autism. My mum has been on at me for a while to get a dog for the kids as she thinks it will benefit both the younger children. I’m a stay at home parent and realistically won’t be able to work still for quite a while as I need to be at home for the kids. We’ve never had a dog and were thinking of a cockerpoo/Cavapoo. I feel crazy thinking about it but my youngest is pre-verbal so a therapy dog might be good for when she is older but I don’t know if this idea is utterly insane.

We have a cockapoo, they are very high maintainence and high energy dogs that need a lot of training. I suppose if you are home most of the day it will be ok but having a dog is very limiting - you have to constantly be planning even for a day out as they can't be left alone for long.

We got a dog 3 years ago (from a responsible breeder thankfully). We did all our research, made plans so they wouldn’t be alone for more than 3 hours a couple of times a week, we’re committed to walking him etc.

It was a complete nightmare. The puppy was wonderful but she was so full on my DD was utterly overwhelmed by him. He howled every time he was left alone, all through the night. The poo and wee everywhere was a disaster (despite my best efforts at toilet training).

In 5 short days our family felt broken! His breeder was wonderful,gave us lots of advice which we tried but sadly didn’t work. We just knew we’d made a huge mistake. Pup was rehomed the next day and it much happier in a large farm house with lots of land and other dogs for company.

So many people then opened up about their own problems with their dogs-destructive behaviour, too strong on a lead, difficult to house train.

They can obviously become wonderful members of the family but just really think about it. However much research you do-do even more!

After we were over the guilt and upset we eventually went on to adopt 2 cats who are absolutely perfect. They make the house feel like a home, my DD adores them (we all do). They huge fun and very comforting. It’s just finding the right fit for your family. There’s a lot of older, friendly cats out there needing homes. Just an idea if you decide against a dog.

They are great members of the family but you do have to be out walking them every morning (and more times during the day) rain or shine, Christmas Day or normal day.

For holidays you need to find care for them

They do make a lot of mess.

Wouldn’t be without my boy though.

Get a Chihuahua, honestly. I love mine, he's small, intelligent....no huge turds etc. I've had other breeds but he's the best by far. The size of a cat with a big dog's personality.

Dogs are like having a toddler, permanently. They are lovely, funny and loyal but a huge amount of work, every single day.

So if you don’t fancy another toddler in your life, I wouldn’t get a dog.

There was a fantastic TV prog some months / years ago about puppies - cannot recall which channel - but it featured a lady choosing a puppy for a family where the son had autism. She guided them brilliantly and it was a great success, seemingly, really helped him to settle. Wish I could find it, have googled and there's lots of information out there - get advice if you can, as they are hard work at the best of times!
Perhaps someone else can remember?
The Mum had a husband who worked away, and was on her own with around 5 DCs, including twins and the DS already mentioned. I wondered how she would cope with a DDog as well, but, amazing lady, she did. The older son was allowed to choose the name as the DDog was going to be mainly with his DBro and not him.
Anyone??

Would you consider rehoming an older dog? That cuts out trying to manage a puppy. You could potentially get in touch with your local rescue to find a good match for your family and do some meet and greets beforehand to make sure your children and the dog get on.

There was a poster on here not long ago who got a puppy and had a child with SN - she's now trying to re-home the dog as it totally overwhelmed her DC. Maybe some gentle introductions with an older dog could help you avoid that situation.

Get a greyhound! They’re gentle and lazy.

My boy is fantastic.

Avoid all poodle cross breeds

They are not low energy dog. They need plenty of stimulation and exercise.

You need a robust dog to deal with your children’s autism as I gather they could be a little heavy handed at times?

In which case you need to avoid toy breeds mostly too.

You would probably be better off going to a rescue centre and finding a bomb proof dog

This may help

www.dogsforgood.org/how-we-help/assistance-dog/autism-assistance-dogs-children/

Think about a cavachon- cavalier/ bichon mix. The ones I’ve met have been very sweet and low maintenance.

We have a Labrador. She’s amazing. We bought her from a fantastic breeder (do your research beforehand; your breeder really should grill you before agreeing to sell you one of their precious pups) and we really have had no problems with her (touch wood!).

We had no problems with her as a puppy; she chewed a couple of pairs of slippers but she slept through and was already toilet trained when we got her.

But... despite this, she still takes up so much time! She needs an hour’s walk off-lead every day, she cannot be left for more than a few hours at a time, basically my life very much revolves around her, for example if the weather is mixed then I time her walk around when it’s not raining... I have waved goodbye to full time work for the next decade (I know dog sitters exist but it’s a cost I’d have to factor in!) and our holidays are often dictated by when we can find a resident dog sitter / pet friendly holiday lets in the uk.

So, think carefully. The level of commitment is scary, but the rewards are well worth it. You really really have to want to do it though, as I did. It’s not something you can do half heartedly.

I agree, really don't even consider a puppy if you already have your hands full, definitely only an older dog. One of my dogs (who I acknowledge is particularly thick) took two years to be reliably house trained as he was just not motivated. We love him but I had really had enough of mopping puddles of wee by the time he cracked it.

I would not assume your children with autism will necessarily bond with the dog either. My DS has ASD and he has shown no interest in our other dogs although he will happily pet thick dog (who is a born entertainer) for five minutes or so.

Basically don't get a dog unless YOU want a dog because all its care and walking will fall to you. Plus you can never go out for the day without making provision for it. Dogs give you a great deal including cuddles and unconditional love but they are also a great responsibility.

We all adore our dog, but having one is a massive inconvenience and pretty expensive too. A dog on top of 3 kids, two with autism, that sounds like a lot of hard work tbh.

Puppies are fucking hard work. Regardless of breed. Piss and shit and lots of crying, chewing and general 'toddler' behaviour fpr months.

I have a poodle cross, she is great but high maintenance, needs 2 hours exercise a day and is a little bit neurotic, it isn't a dog for the faint hearted but she gives lots back ( loyal, very clever and loves snuggles )

I would be hard pushed with a dog and 3 children. Just the dog walks alone would break me personally.

Have a very good think about how much time you can give to a dog and your family.

I have just looked after my mums 2 elderly dogs for her whilst she’s been in hospital and it’s put me off dogs for life. (I also have a child with autism). The dogs whine and bark on and off at every noise, they are so old they poop and wee in the kitchen at night (so I’d be cleaning that up first thing). We couldn’t go anywhere longer than a few hours as dogs don’t really like being left alone. The garden needing poop picking up everyday. Walking them involved picking up poop and then walking round with poop in a bag until you are lucky enough to find a dog poo bin.

Yes all these things are normal dog ownership- although the pooping in the kitchen at night is more age related but they all get there.

For me I didn’t enjoy any of it and I found the whole thing totally stressful. (I didn’t tell mum this). I wouldn’t want a dog now!

I really wouldn't recommend getting a dog as a therapy dog unless it's been trained as one. I know some breeds are more reliable than others, but all breed generalisations are just that, they don't necessarily mean the dog you get will be good with your family.
It's not just the stress of having a difficult dog, you'd also have to consider how your kids would feel if you had to rehome the dog

Not saying it can't be done, but I'd tread very carefully if I were you. My mum got herself a dog as a support for her mental health issues. Unfortunately, it's an absolute menace, but she can't bring herself to rehome it. It's only making her mental health worse and I honestly can't see a good outcome along the line - it's very hard to watch.

PS Poodle crosses need grooming - £40 every 8 weeks for mine.

I agree with @LizzieSiddal.

Two working cocker spaniels, three kids under 4. Take your time with a decision on getting a dog. Talk to breeders, rescue centres and dog owners. Most I know will chat happily for hours about dogs to almost strangers, find out the pro's and con's. If you know someone with a dog spend some time with it. Dogs are amazing, but they involve a lifetime commitment for many years. The breeds you mention are high energy and require mental and physical stimulation, rain or shine. Puppies are hard work, and as adolescents are even worse but it passes. Invest in a dog and you will get it back in love, loyalty and friendship. You will have to plan days out, holidays, vet costs, food etc. Ours are wonderful, great with our kids and our cat. I apologise if my reply sounds patronising but I volunteer monthly with average dog shelter and see far too many in there due to family or life commitments changing and the dog is disposable. If life changes and you have a dog you have to find a solution and in many cases people cannot be bothered.

I have a border collie which are famous for being super high energy dogs and I can say that the overwhelming majority of cockerpoos I meet are far higher energy than she is..

With the exception of one who is an absolute bastard they are all super friendly but mega mega lively, so I would bear that in mind when considering a breed.

Also consider that most puppies are quite bitey and for a child that can be quite frightening.
Some of the puppies go so far as to jump and bite right in your face and sometimes they can even draw blood.

Greyhound - lazy, gentle and quiet, perfect size for kids to cuddle up with.

We have three dogs (10, 8 and 3) which we’ve had from pups and love them to bits however they are like having a toddler around the place, or three in our case and are incredibly hard work despite being well trained and obedient.

They are also a massive tie when it comes to the odd day out without them as they can’t be left for more than 4 or so hrs at a time without a wee break, and that is in adulthood.

Personally in your situation I wouldn’t get a dog but would look at the website ‘Borrow my Dog’ and get your dog fix without the long term commitment.

I agree. Avoid “poos” or any sort of portmanteau breed. To start the breeder is almost certainly dodgy, for another you have no idea what the dog will be like as it could have any combination of breed traits.

In your situation i would maybe investigate “failed” guide/police dogs. About 2 years old, already trained. Very long waiting lists though.

Rescue may be the way to go. Older dog, Already a known quantity.

I would look at rescue over a puppy tbh.

A puppy is 2 years of hard work until they are adult, the teen years can be horrific!