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Original poster

Can you attend church and not be sure of your beliefs?

30 replies

cjt110 · 17/12/2018 21:39

I was christened Catholic and brought up in a relatively relaxed Catholic home. My Mum decided aged 16 that she no longer wanted to attend church. She had been made to as a child and therefore allowed me to make my own choice where church etc was concerned.

I did my holy communion and completed my confirmation.

I was very poorly in childhood and formed a belief that something, not necessarily a man on the sky, was looking out for me. Something that gave me courage and strength when I needed it. I have always maintained this belief.

So between the ages of 15 and 32 I've not really had a belief. Just pottered on. Sometimes I have prayed and asked for help but often unsure if prayers even matter other than thinking aloud for yourself.

My son started school on September and attends the local CofE school. Their values of trust, friendship and peace are taught daily and I am very happy that my son is learning about religion and its values. He attends daily worship at school with a weekly worship hosted by the affiliated church reverend.

I find myself feeling "attracted" to it. Like I would like this guidance myself. I recently attended both his harvest festival and nativity -hosted but the schools reverend from the local church.

I would like to get more involved. Only I'm not sure what or if I believe. I love the sense of belonging it is giving me and I love the interest that it is sparking in me. Only would I be a fraud to attend if I'm not sure I believe?

Thanks for reading if you've got this far!

OP posts:
thanksamillion · 17/12/2018 21:42

I'm sure you'd be very welcome. There aren't any entry requirements for going to church. Just find out when a service is and turn up a few minutes earlier.

Frogletmamma · 17/12/2018 21:43

No you wouldn't be a fraud. Lots of people have doubts. Maybe if you go your faith will expand which can only be a good thing

TheFirstOHN · 17/12/2018 21:44

There's not a minimum level of faith required. Anyone can attend. People go to church for various reasons (social contact if they're lonely, enjoyment of church music, a space to sit quietly and contemplate).

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PandaG · 17/12/2018 21:44

Totally fine. Go along to church, I really hope you are made welcome and find a place to ask your questions and work out what you do believe.

fourthusernamebutwhoscounting · 17/12/2018 21:45

Absolutely go! Church is designed for people in your situation.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 17/12/2018 21:46

Churches are very prepared for people who have doubts about their faith. What they are interested in is nurturing the tiny spark that you do have. Go, you’ll be made welcome.

TheLastSaola · 17/12/2018 21:49

You can go just because you like the music, the tradition, the peace - whatever you like. Looking for a sense of belonging, is IMO, just about the best reason for going to a church.

No one will turn you away because you hold different beliefs, or are questioning what your beliefs are. A good church will never pressure you to declare your beliefs or to change them.

In due course, or never, just arrange a chat with the priest to discuss any issues that you would appreciate going over. But I’d focus on the community aspect of a church before tying yourself in knots over questions that have been troubling theologians for thousands of years.

MaisyPops · 17/12/2018 21:49

There's no minimum level required.

If anything I find doubt a much more sincere expression than certainty. I like that in my church there's talk of doubt, having faith through dark times, how we are all human and snap and that church isn't for perfect people. It's for humans who are human and trying to figure things out.

If you're experiencing doubt and aren't seeking absolute views then I would avoid more conservative evangelic style churches as their theology tends to be a bit more certainty and being saved.

Ragwort · 17/12/2018 21:51

Please go, I’ve been attending Church for most of my life (now 60) and I still don’t honestly know what I believe, but I love the sense of fellowship, of belonging and challenging my thoughts.

kaytee87 · 17/12/2018 21:51

My own minister questions the bible and his faith.
Church is about seeking your own answers.

Madhairday · 17/12/2018 21:54

You'd be so welcome. There is no standard of beliefs to go to a church, people go for many reasons. If you feel like you need that sense of belonging then that's wonderful, and if you want to explore more that's wonderful too :) Worth remembering not all churches are the same, so don't let one lack of welcome put you off, but most will be very welcoming and happy to see you.

Ohyesiam · 17/12/2018 21:55

A vicar at my youth club told me he believed in god 51%. I was really shocked having come from a “ believe all this or rot in hell” school of Catholicism. Then I was impressed, his 51% was enough for him to base his life on.

Tony2 · 17/12/2018 21:55

I don't see for one moment that you would be a fraud. I'm an atheist, but went to a cathedral school with a daily service.The sense of community, and history, and time to ponder and wonder, and sing. Years ago the Bishop of Durham said of the resurrection that he wasn't entirely convinced by the 'conjuring trick with bones'. A religious lecturer of mine believed that God set the Universe in motion, it would not give you a new Mercedes if you were good. Sorry, I'm a bore, but each individual's belief is unique isn't it, a journey as they say, not simply black or white, yes or no. Good luck.

AdaColeman · 17/12/2018 21:56

Why not read around the subject a bit, to see what appeals to you or strikes a cord with you.

You sound as though you might be happy in a Quaker setting, they are often very supportive.
I'm sure no Church would turn you away.
I hope you find what you are looking for.

Peachypips · 17/12/2018 21:57

I'd say over a third of church-goers are still seeking. Choose a nice one!

If you are a reader try Who is this Man by John Ortberg. Really helped my faith and answered a lot of questions I had. Xx

Etino · 17/12/2018 21:58

You would be very welcome. And you can, if you want, take communion. It’s not like the other way round, CofE in RC where you’re not ‘allowed’.

Puddlet · 17/12/2018 22:01

Christmas is a great time to go back to church. I hope you find your place and the awe and mystery too.

ChikiTIKI · 17/12/2018 22:03

Absolutely!

Chocolate85 · 17/12/2018 22:03

You have the perfect reason to be there. Follow your heart. I’m sure any church would welcome you. I’m quite religious but I don’t agree with or follow every aspect of my faith. Curiosity and uncertainty are natural.

anniehm · 17/12/2018 22:06

I work for the Church of England and I can assure you that our congregation is made up of a wide spectrum of beliefs - from the very devout to near atheist! The community and ritual not to mention the music has pull factors that aren't actually about belief. There's an excellent book called the Christian atheist which looks at the rise of non religious church goers. We are fortunate to live in a society at a time when you are free to believe or not, and to attend as and when you wish - you will be most welcome in church, and they come in many flavours now so shop around to find the right one for you.

SierraSmythe · 17/12/2018 22:08

I'm an atheist, do not believe in God at all and wasn't even christened. However, I go to church sometimes (there are only Catholic ones where I live) for exactly the reasons you mentioned despite being staunchly against the Catholic church as an institution!

I like the sense of belonging and community and the loving message although I would much rather go to a gospel one if we had them where I live Grin That's the only time I would ever come close to "converting"!

AnotherPidgey · 17/12/2018 22:17

My beliefs are quite fluid. At the least, I believe there is a lot of wisdom in Jesus' teachings which was enough to make me feel able to be baptised in adulthood. I believe there's a lot of wisdom in other religions too.

I find something quite moving about going to church. I often cry, which often doesn't seem particularly connected to a particular emotion. I first went to ours when we were planning our wedding, and there was something that felt right there. It is a very welcoming church that is always pleased to see visitors and newbies as well as regulars.

BackforGood · 17/12/2018 22:30

I agree with what everyone else has said.
Most Church attenders are on a journey. I suspect most have doubts throughout their lives. I also suspect there are many people who go to Church for the sense of community, or the music, or the challenge of being made to think, or to just have an hour to sit in peace with their thoughts.
If you wanted to, you could speak to the vicar and let him know where you are on your journey. He might be able to offer you some house groups or fellowship groups or bible studies or maybe something like an Alpha course to find out a bit more. But you don't have to do that, just if you want to.

HildaZelda · 17/12/2018 22:39

I was brought up Catholic. I'm not sure if I'd call myself a complete atheist these days, but I'm certainly agnostic.
Sometimes I go to a local monastery nearby just to listen to the monks chant. It's a form of meditation I suppose.
Also, I've been to lots of CofE services over the years with friends and family and find it much less judgemental than the Catholic church. A lot less blame and fear, which is how I always found Catholicism.

KnittingSister · 17/12/2018 22:46

At my church there is the whole spectrum but I feel uncomfortable with those who are absolutely certain either way

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