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Do I leave him

22 replies

anon261 · 17/12/2018 20:48

I have been best friends with a guy for almost 3 years, we have had a few flings and finally got together at the start of October. Unfortunately it's a LDR with me in another country and we go about 6 weeks without seeing each other, however message pretty much all day and then call in the evenings. He cheated on me a few weeks in (there was a rough patch, I didn't think I was ready for it, left him then we got back together but he was spending time with another girl after this - she told me after he chose me over her). I forgave him and he promised this would never happen again. However 2 weeks after, he exchanged pictures and then slept with his ex (a very troubled and manipulative person who said she was suicidal and blackmailed him into going to see her almost every night). They only did it the once - she was the one who instigated it, he says he felt terrible about it afterwards, and even though she kept flirting and sending more suggestive messages he always refused that stuff, however continued to spend time with her because of her depression and him being the only friend she had.
The same week as he slept with her, another friend of his sent him some pictures, which he responded to and they had a conversation about if they would like to sleep together, however he says he ended that conversation abruptly and couldn't do it as he suddenly realised what he's been doing.
We used to be very sexual even just in talking, but just before the second cheating incident we hadn't been due to personal circumstances. He says this led him to become greedy, and being in a LDR he obviously wasn't getting the physical care he needs.

I found out about this 5 days ago, 5 weeks after it happened. My world has collapsed but he says he has never loved anyone like me, and has deleted all his social media so he can't contact or be contacted by anyone as in, he won't have any way to do this again.
He is making an effort to change, and I do love him, but should I stay with him?

OP posts:
RedLife · 17/12/2018 20:50

No

nevisbump · 17/12/2018 20:52

Nope, you deserve better than that

italiancortado · 17/12/2018 20:56

I’m not sure why you are even asking tbh. Go read your OP again.

Interested in this thread?

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FrangelicoCandyBoughs · 17/12/2018 20:56

No definitely not, you haven’t been together for very long and he has hurt you multiple times already. Leave before it gets too serious.

user1493413286 · 17/12/2018 20:57

No that’s too much

DameFanny · 17/12/2018 21:01

being in a LDR he obviously wasn't getting the physical care he needs

Really? Were you cheating too? His words or yours?

Fuck that noise. He cheated how many times? Why would you believe a word he says now?

LatteLover12 · 17/12/2018 21:07

Please don’t stay with him.

He has shown you who he is more than once.

Leave & don’t look back!

OKhitmewithit · 17/12/2018 21:10

Is he a sex addict or something. Really OP this has heartbreak written all over it

Pancakepoop · 17/12/2018 21:21

He has no respect for you. There is no way on this earth I would stay with him if I were you. Are these the actions of the person you thought he was?

anon261 · 17/12/2018 21:35

I understand what all of you are saying, and he has had no respect however he is really trying to change and is doing a lot of things to show me that. He is willing to pack his bags and leave his whole life there to be with me if that's what it takes. Sort of feel he deserves one last chance

OP posts:
DameFanny · 17/12/2018 22:47

Let someone else fix him OP - there's someone out there who'll love you without forcing all this drama and trauma on you

trulybadlydeeply · 17/12/2018 22:54

Deleting his SM won't stop him cheating. People managed to cheat way before SM and the internet.

He honestly doesn't deserve you, he has treated you appallingly. You say he "deserves" another chance, but forget about what he needs and wants. What do YOU deserve OP? Do you deserve a relationship with a cheating excuse for a man?

Queenofthedrivensnow · 17/12/2018 22:58

And bollocks the ex is troubled and manipulative

fadehead · 17/12/2018 23:06

Nope. Just nope.

olivertwistwantsmore · 17/12/2018 23:10

No fucking way! Have some self respect! He cheated on you three times??

What does he deserve? Several STDs.

Think of what you deserve, not him. He lost the chance to deserve anything when he fucked several other people.

Do you really want to be with a randy man child who can’t be in social media in case he accidentally shags someone on there?!

FOTTOSOFTFOSM · 18/12/2018 10:56

I'd leave. There's no excuse for so much cheating, lying etc. You've not been together long, you should be all loved up and crazy about each other, not finding out he's been shagging around.

I'd get out now. Three months and three instances of him cheating or behaving inappropriately? No way would I stand for it. After he cheated the first time he reassured you it wouldn't happen again, then he shagged his ex two weeks later. Since then he's also gone on to be in red inappropriate and almost cheat a third time. Why believe him now? He's showing you who he is, a lying cheat. Believe him and get out.

RatRolyPoly · 18/12/2018 12:45

Oh come on, the man's a liability. If he could change overnight he would have done already.

You're in an ldr so it's not like you're even getting convenient company out of this. I promise you, he's not that special.

FetchezLaVache · 18/12/2018 12:51

You've only been a couple for a few months and he;s already cheated on you twice!! He sees you as a FWB, OP, nothing more.

They only did it the once - she was the one who instigated it

I find this quite illuminating. Not only is he a lying, cheating sleazeball, he is a card-carrying misogynist too! Of course it was the woman's fault. Hmm

Please, if you have any dignity at all, heed the advice on this thread.

bluejelly · 18/12/2018 12:51

When we have a sexual bond with someone we often forgive bad behaviour in order to maintain that bond. I'm sure it's evolutionary- Mother Nature's way of trying to get us to reproduce.
But you really need to resist that urge - he's clearly a player and not boyfriend material.
Dump - and focus your energy on people who deserve it.

RaininSummer · 18/12/2018 12:52

The man is a rat fink.

TheCrowFromBelow · 18/12/2018 13:03

being in a LDR he obviously wasn't getting the physical care he needs

nobody “needs” that kind of physical “care” when you are apart for only 6 weeks. It’s not easy but if he cared for you at all he wouldn’t be messaging and shagging about.

Leave him! Certainly don’t let him join you and become your cocklodger.

minmooch · 18/12/2018 13:06

Yes leave him.

The one thing that is most important in a LDR is trust. He has proved many times that he is not to be trusted.

Raise your bar.

You will never trust him.

If he liked you that much he would not have cheated in the first place.

See his actions, not his words.

He's a liar and a cheat.

If you stay with him that will be your fear always.

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