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Ds thinks I'm being unreasonable... I don't think I am

12 replies

Clutterfreeintraining · 17/12/2018 17:00

Ds (16) and I have had another long conversation about Christmas presents today and now i'm doubting myself.

Ds is the only child in the family and gets given quite a lot from my 2 dsis and from grandparents.

Every year they ask what he'd like and if it's a high value item, a few of them will go shares on it. Or they give him money and he buys whatever it is after Christmas.

He's asked for a tv and the one he wants is £200 so I suggested whoever wanted to chip in, do so and I'd top up any shortfall. Dsis 1 said she'd buy it just from her and I said no because it's too much money and also because the others would then be stuck for gift ideas. He'll also get stocking filler-type gifts from all of them.

I foolishly told Ds this and now he thinks I'm being mean for not letting his aunt buy him a £200 gift and that he would have come up with ideas for the others to get him.

His argument is that dsis can afford it so why would I stop her from spending her money as she pleases.

I have a strong suspicion that she's feeling guilty about ds' birthday (a few months ago) but she won't talk to me about it.

Ds is usually the least grabby child and I'd be interested to hear others' opinions to try and resolve this before Christmas actually arrives because I'm swinging between feeling guilty and a little bit miffed at his attitude.

OP posts:
TwoLads · 17/12/2018 17:03

It's not up to him, is it?

GreenTulips · 17/12/2018 17:05

You made a decision and should stick to it.

He's getting what he wanted.

How that comes about is irrelevant

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 17/12/2018 17:06

I’d have said exactly what you said. So I don’t think YABU at all.

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Clutterfreeintraining · 17/12/2018 17:42

Thanks for the replies.
I don't know how to get him to understand my viewpoint. I asked if he was expecting £200 gifts off each of them and he looked shocked and said no, of course not - they couldn't afford it. I pointed out that actually my mum and aunt could easily afford it but there's no way my mum would pay that much for a gift.
Maybe I don't need him to agree with me. I'm just not used to him being like this.

OP posts:
italiancortado · 17/12/2018 17:46

It's not up to him, is it?

Well it's not up to OP is it? He is 16 and when asked what he wants for Christmas he said a TV. His aunt said that was fine. What's the problem?

Babygrey7 · 17/12/2018 17:52

It was a shame you told him

At his age he would have been delighted with the tv and more stuff (money) from other people.

Sometimes it's nice to spoil someone, I would have let her buy the tv, and if I had not, I would not have told DS

I have a 16 yr old, he would have reacted just like yours. At that age they don't have an own income, some birthdays people give small things, some birthdays big things, that's life.

Last year an uncle gave DS a £300 present, in the past 5 years the uncle always forgot. Both uncle and DS were delighted. DS totally got that it was a one-off

Anyway, what's done is done, but your DS has done nothing wrong...

TheWiseWomansFear · 17/12/2018 23:44

I don't think he did anything wrong and it was odd to tell him. If you made t clear to DSis that she didn't have to and it certainly wasn't expected (even if she forgot his birthday or something) then it was fine

Jinglealltheway2018 · 17/12/2018 23:49

Does everyone always chip in for an expensive item? If so it’s abitshit for him half the fun is getting different presents off people.

Ragwort · 17/12/2018 23:56

It’s really awkward that you told him, not sure why you did really Hmm. My teenage DS is in a similar position, only grandchild/nephew with quite wealthy relations. My parents wanted to buy him an iPad but I said absolutely not, it’s just far too much to spend on him. In the past when he has wanted ‘expensive’ gifts (PlayStation) he has understood that he has to make a contribution towards the cost which he has done willingly, even though we could afford to buy such things outright but prefer to keep to a budget for presents. He has always been a saver and manages his pocket money & part time jobs income very well.

Ironically he’s going to be extremely well off when we all die Grin.

Andylion · 18/12/2018 05:00

Does everyone always chip in for an expensive item? If so it’s abitshit for him half the fun is getting different presents off people.

A bit shit for him to get his own tv? Hmm

WWYDhelpplease · 18/12/2018 06:13

His aunt said it was fine so let her.

I don’t think you should have told him.

I also don’t think it’s right for you to tell people how they spend their money.

Jinglealltheway2018 · 18/12/2018 08:44

Andylion Yes it is shit if everyone is asked to collect together to get one item. The whole point is getting different gifts from different family members, also aunt was happy to buy why not allow her to treat him.

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