Tell me your Christmas fails

[UbercornsGoggles]

I've just been doing some food shopping, mostly stuff for Christmas. I've already amassed quite a lot and when my husband commented on it I reminded him that the first (and last) time we ever hosted at Christmas we were well fed until Boxing Day and then completely ran out of food. We were out all of the next day and by the time we remembered we needed food everywhere was closed. We ended up feeding my parents pre-packed sandwiches from the local garage.

We were crying with laughter remembering that, but I was mortified at the time.

So go on, make me feel better and share your own Christmas fails.

My first 'grown up' christmas where I was cooking - I rang my mum in tears because I didn't want to touch the raw chicken... (I'd only left home two months before)

I've always lived through her advice ever since - "pour yourself a glass of wine and just get on with it"

I once spilled an entire trifle over my uncles lap as I tripped over the family dog

Ended up in a&e after tripping over a new rug I'd bought to protect a friend's little one, who was just crawling. Didn't want her getting sore knees on our wood floors so bought the rug but forgot it was there and tripped over it.

Jumped to avoid our dog and launched myself over the sofa, breaking my arm and taking the Christmas tree with me. It was funnier than it was painful!

I am totally over buying presents for anyone so I leave it till the last minute and am usually embarrassingly late. This year I have surpassed myself. Ordered presents on Amazon for my brothers children who live in Ireland. I live in France. The presents have arrived here... well some of them anyway... the others will arrive after we leave to England for Christmas. It's cost me an arm and a leg to send the first batch and they will probably arrive late. I also found a lovely personalised gift for my brother in law and his family but dithered so long that I missed the last ordering date so they will arrive mid January. I have huge issues around presents and dysfunctional family relationships. Same every bloody year and I have no idea how to stop the self sabotage and embrace gift giving and receiving or get out of this cycle.

@rabbitfood That sounds epic! Did they laugh at you at the hospital?

@rabbit I do apologise but I may have laughed out loud at your post hope you’re ok now.

My dgm broke her arm sledging one year and we all had to help make the dinner.
Wasn't very tasty!!
She was a fab dgm!!

We had a power cut on Christmas Day once.

Christmas Morning at parent's house, DD, who was about 2 1/2 at the time picked up a very heavy metal doorstop, when I saw her I told her to put it down. Which she did ... by dropping it ... by her big toe.

Few hours in the local A&E followed by a visit to the larger hospital in the closest city, about 35 miles away, where we hung around whilst they were deciding on whether to operate or not. Fortunately they didn't have to and we returned home.

So that was fun.

ON her big toe obvs.

My Mum forgot the roast in the tin turkey/chicken joint at home. I ran her back home and the door had jammed. Had to get her neighbour to scale the fence, unlock and open the door from the inside.

Pretending to be Santa and bring the Christmas gifts down the stairs to put under the tree.
One was a bike, and I went flying! Slipped all the way down the stairs - then my grandad came rushing out of his room, and said you will never learn until you hurt yourself! I was 28.
With a sore bum, back and being told off.

@christmasisforadults2 Were you riding the bike down the stairs?! Sounds painful, hope you didn't wake the kids!

@sproglets The year of the garage sandwiches fail was our first year in our new house, we'd been in about 3 weeks. We had 7 hours of power cuts on Boxing Day when my in laws were visiting. Luckily we had a wood burning stove so could stay warm and boil a kettle on it, but as it got later in the day it was also our only light. We were on the verge of packing to go back to in-laws to stay when the power came back on. In hindsight we should have gone anyway because they would have had stacks of food!

It would of been safer if I had and luckily no. It took me til to keep
Them asleep. It was 1am when I was doing all this but I do it again cause it's Christmas 🎄

We cooked a goose one year and stupidly I trusted my husband to take care of it. It was so overcooked it was inedible and the carnivores ended up sharing the nut loaf with the vegetarians!

There was one year the boiler broke and it was a big freeze I ended up really ill with a chest infection and lost my voice completely. Still had to host though.

Also one year when I was about 6 or 7 we had Christmas dinner at my dgps. For reasons unknown my dgf thought it was a good idea for his 91 year old dm to carry in a cauldron of hot vegetable soup while dm and dgm were busy in the kitchen and he sat on his arse. Said soup was soon deposited straight over my head while I was sitting at the table being good. It hurt

Two years ago I poured boiling water over my hand while draining the spuds. I ran it under the tap for the recommended time, took painkillers and sat through Christmas lunch with gritted teeth before finally admitting that a trip to A&E might be a good idea. DH took me and Mil stayed home with the DC. Luckily it was really quiet in A&E and we were soon back home.

Some years ago on Christmas Eve DH’s knee decided it was coming apart due to a random defect where we later learned it had never fused properly. All night in A & E with DH in agony scans, Dr’s asking how many glasses of wine he’d had and if he had fallen over! finally made it home for 6am with his leg in a cast just as very young children woke up (thankfully MIL was staying over.) Had to pretend to be bright eyed as presents were opened and then cooked the full lunch. Only collapsed mid afternoon. DH off his face on pain relief.

Not a fail exactly but one year I had major surgery on the 23rd. Spent Christmas day on a hospital ward, completely off my fave on morphine. Only two other patients on the ward, nurses kept wandering in to bring me mince pies, handfuls of Quality Street/Roses/assorted drugs etc. Had the telly room to myself in the evening so spent some quality time laughing hysterically at Eastenders, Vicar of Dibley etc while the occasional nurse wandered in with a cup of tea to laugh at me laughing at the telly.
BEST. CHRISTMAS. EVER!!

Not a fail as such, but am currently pulling the house apart in search of the presents I bought months ago and carefully hid. I am buggered if I can recall where and all my usual hidey holes are proving fruitless...

I lost Xmas day once. It was my first married Christmas and we had been out drinking on Christmas eve. We staggered home at some point in the early hours on Christmas day, fell asleep and woke up at around 8p.m on Christmas day night.

When the kids came along, me and my OH were bringing the kids presents downstairs to put under the tree once they were asleep on Christmas eve. Unfortunately we had had a drink and i fell down them with arms full of presents, worse still, i knocked my OH down too as he was in front of me.
We ended up in a crumpled heap in the hallway with several broken toys and the kids dancing with excitement at the top of the stairs demanding to know if Santa had been.

Around 10 years ago, my sister shoved my SiL face into her plate of Christmas dinner while shouting 'fuck your turkey you miserable cow'.
Yes, alcohol played a part in that too

Decided to host mil and dm who like to snipe and make pa comments to each other - big sigh! Both were annoying me so I hid in the kitchen prepping food drinking rum and cokes. Was a bit tipsy and tripped with 1 of the 3 xmas puddings. Did catch most of it before it hit the floor, so served plus handprint. None of them are invited this year

my brother in law fell over in the road on Christmas eve. Was in agony, we all laughed at him. He couldn't sleep for the pain and eventually someone ran him to a and e on Xmas morning. His leg was broken in 3 places and he was in surgery for most of Xmas day. We felt a bit guilty.......

I accidentally swallowed a piece of my wine glass when it cracked and spent the rest of Christmas day in the hospital...