Why do I lack confidence?

[fuzzyface]

I've always struggled but had got into a much better place then recently I suffered a bereavement.
It's set me right back. Outwardly I know I appear confident and successful but inwardly I'm crippled.
For example I had a night out recently and ever since I've been obsessed and paranoid about a stupid drunken conversation. One in which I revealed this vulnerability.
I'm in a sport club and it was bringing me confidence as I'm progressing quite well but one lady there is very confident and I find her manner and what she says (always correcting me) off putting. She left for a while and I was hitting my stride but as soon as she came back I'm crippled again. She is very beautiful, very talented a bit of a favourite etc. But the problem isn't jealousy but rather I can't just be confident in my own worth and not let her get to me when it's intimidating. She was part of the drunk conversation on the night out and she was quite harsh to me.
I'm sick of myself . I'm 40 for goodness sake, happily married with lovely kids. Why can't I act like a grown up and not a teenage girl riddled with insecurity?
I want to change.

Bump

What was the drunk conversation about, and in what context was she 'harsh'?

She sounds very rude. Correcting you? About what.
No advice but I feel very much the same. I think it’s just different personality types. And I’d much rather be as I am than over confident, arrogant and cocky.

I'm similar in some ways... I always have a fear of not fitting in, or having the right "stuff" My husband always tells me off for wanting to be like X or Y instead of being myself.

Correcting you? On your sporting methods?

Yes halfwitpicker

I had a bit of a moan when drunk about not feeling good enough basically (kicking myself for that) and it's like a mask slipped and she 'told me off' for being a bit of a sap .

I shouldn't dwell on it but it's consumed me. I just want to be more positive next year.

Well, she sounds not particularly pleasant, but you are allowing her far too much headspace. What would it matter if she thought you were the greatest waste of space that ever darkened the door of your club? I get that an atmosphere prolonged disapproval can sap you, but this is one person, at one activity -- your confidence can't need bulwarking by other people's approval, or depend on how well or badly you're doing at your sport, otherwise you're permanently at the mercy of other people or circumstances.

Tell her calmly that you don't want coaching at the sport (unless she actually is the coach), and either forget about her, or move clubs. She's irrelevant to you. You say you have children -- for their sake, if not your own, model confidence and healthy self-esteem, if necessary faking it till you feel it. No one can do it for you, and it's the best gift, along with resilience, that you can give them. What would you tell your child if they felt undermined by another child at a sport?

It sounds to me like you're grieving and she lacks empathy and people skills.

Be kinder to yourself. When I suffered a bereavement I went through a similar crisis of confidence. It's almost like embarrassment or something. Whatever it was, it was weird and unpleasant. But grief is not something that can be hurried up. You need to give it time. Your preoccupation with this woman is probably just a displacement of your bereavement.

I'll say it again: Be Kind To Yourself.

Excellent posts thank you.
I hadn't thought about bereavement and confidence.

Ff