Becoming a grandma

[PippaTom2014]

I’m about to become a grandma, but I have no idea of the do’s and dont’s. I get on very well with my daughter and son in law, but everything has changed so much, they live close by so will be on hand, I just feel out of touch with the new ways with babies. Any help/advice will be appreciated, thanks

Your love for your DD and pride in watching her grow into this new role will help you know what to do and when. I adored the new DGC but in practical terms did more caring for DD as a new mum while she got on with bonding and learning to juggle all the plates.

You have a wonderful journey ahead, just be a mum and take your cues from your DD and her partner.

My DD is very independent and never seeks my advice, but when her baby arrived, she asked me loads! It was lovely to be able to advise her and support her. I don't live on the doorstep so always ask when I can visit, usually once a week. I usually look after him for a coup,e of hours so she can go t the gym. He slept over for the first time at three months and it was brilliant! He's stayed a coup,e of times since, and it's better now as he sleeps through. I don't buy him loads of things even though I want to! Once she's back at work I will be having him one day a week, which is great. I'm just pleased she feels confident enough in me to want my help.

I think one of the big changes since your own children were little is that we tend to wean babies later now. Both my mum and my MIL were quite irritating about this, and kept asking if my babies were on solids yet and saying they must be hungry etc. Also I breastfed on demand, whereas MIL expected me to have them on a 4 hour routine for feeds.

The ideal granny asks what she can do to help. I was a SAHM and really wanted someone to take the baby from me and give me a break, but another mum might love to have a bit of help around the house to leave her free to cuddle the baby. Ask.

My dad read up on all the current advice when I was pregnant with dd. He had a month long hospital stay just before she was born and asked the nurses to help him find the information! It was reassuring to have him echo what we'd been told. We spent a lot of time together in the early weeks as he was still reciprocating. Safe sleep was a big one for us and weaning at 6 months.

Remember big items like pushchairs and car seats usually come with the baby so don't buy for your house unless asked to. A bouncer is useful to have and my mum always kept a small pack of nappies to hand and wipes and cotton wool, very useful when we suddenly ran out a few times!

Try not to let your experiences colour theirs. My MIL always goes on about how she managed with much less help, and she would never have her DH do night wakeups because he had a job to do and she never did XYZ (like immunise her kids 🧐🧐) etc and even though she says “well the advice has all changed so much” it still grates that I can’t keep the house spic and span and my DH woke up at night to help and so on and we were getting judged by her.

Don’t scoff at new advice. If I said anything to my mum about putting the baby on his back, or not using blankets for example, she’d say things like ‘I have raised 3 of my own you know’ or ‘oh well, I don’t know how you all survived if we were doing everything wrong’ etc. She saw all new research as a criticism of how babies were raised in her day, and I found it very irritating!

Don't offer advice, wait until it's asked for.
Bite your tongue. Things change with each generation born.
Offer to babysit, but don't be offended if refused.
In most cases, it's fine to buy baby the occasional small gift, but don't buy up half of Mothercare.

Get used to sleeping with a grandad

They will ask questions too, be ready with the answers.
It won't be advice so much as them asking "was I like this?" Or you offering the information yourself. Although, don't over do this as all babies do certain things

I didn't ask my parents anything, tbh, so i wouldn't necessarily swot up too much and expect to be asked.

Remember that your daughter is just that first and foremost, my mum had a lovely habit when my neices were little of offering to help my sister too does she need a hand with anything? Or my mum would (not in a pushy way!) Turn up after a bad sleep night and offer to just sit in the living room if she didn't want baby out of the house whilst my sister had a nap. It was hugely appreciated