DD (7) stealing and sneaking food

[Tunip]

I have name changed for this.

I don’t know how to handle this’ll this.

DD(7) has been secretly anything sweet. A whole big jar of nutella disappears down over 5 days. I never saw her eat it. DS had some but was open about it. I put some chocolates on the tree. they have all gone.

I am type 1 diabetic and always carry jelly beans. She has been in my bag and eaten them all despite knowing they are mummy’s medicine.

She will sneak teaspoons of sugar onto her cereal, If I am there she will have none. She knows it is naughty.

I don’t know what to do. I have moved all crappy food up high so she cant reach it and have no intention of buying any more junk, not that there is a lot anyway but as it is Christmas...:)

I don’t want to cause an eating disorder. I Have never mentioned weight. How do I limit or control her sweet tooth?

I just typed a stupidly long response and lost it.

Hope Thank you.

We eat well, not humous and celery for lunch but very little processed food. She has always wanted sweet stuff.

This is really helping as I realise it is not the sugar I have an issue with but the deceit and lying I am having difficulty with.

She has previous for lying. Crayon spiral on wall, crayon in hand....who did that? Daddy! However, she was 2.

If she doesn't get it in her diet and all her friends have it, it could be a forbidden fruit type thing.

If she gets one biscuit a day and everything else is really healthy maybe she's just rebelling a bit? Obviously going behind your back/lying is bad but if she knows you'd say no when she asks maybe she just doesn't bother?

Hmm, well I would definitely mention the jelly beans from your handbag. i.e
"Do you know where my special sweets have gone from my bag. It's very important that no one takes those sweets away otherwise mummy could get very ill without them" other diet aside this is a very dangerous thing for her to do and she should understand this 😐

She has previous for lying. Crayon spiral on wall, crayon in hand....who did that? Daddy! However, she was 2.

I hope you are kidding OP, she does not have previous for lying if she was two.

Are you upset about the sugar or the lying and stealing? Because it does seem like you are really hung up on the amount of sugar.

Any child who is told they cannot have sweet stuff but mummy has a bag of sweets in her bag is going to think that this is unfair. Regardless of whether it is for your illness, which she isn't really going to understand at 7, she probably thinks you eat a bag of jelly beans every day but she isn't allowed them. And loads of DC will chuck extra sugar on their cereals if mum isn't watching.

I see OP
Does she lie often? Or do things in secret?
I used to lie if I broke something
I am not judging here I promise! Is it quite a strict household?
Overachieving?
Siblings?
Is she quite hard on herself?
💙

Cailleach, I am pretty sure she is NT, and i cant see where there is any stress in her life. DH and i are not perfect , but we both love and care for our kids. The only stress they have is whether they are getting the present they asked for. We are not wealthy, but we do okay. thank you for your repl

BoswelliaGoldMyrrh I don't generally have junk food in the house , she knows why I have jelly beans, and we had a conversation about the seriousness of what she had done by stealing them. She has seen me being unable to make a decision about what to do and being totally incoherent when my bgl is really low. She has seen daddy administer my " medicine".

Okay. Good thought process here....jelly beans are no longer my medicine. They are blood sugar increases.....or something better

Tinty
She has previous for lying. Crayon spiral on wall, crayon in hand....who did that? Daddy! However, she was 2.

I hope you are kidding OP, she does not have previous for lying if she was two.

Emr, yes, hence the word however. My apologies for forgetting the !

HopeHopity
Does she lie often? Only when she t n inks she is i trouble
Or do things in secret? Apart from nicking food, no
I used to lie if I broke something....yse
I am not judging here I promise! Is it quite a strict household? Not really. Dad is SAHP and probably disciplines ( by puting in bedroom the PC brigade jump on board about discipline). She has to empty the dishwasher, and put her laundry away, but that's it
Overachieving?No, 18 months ahead in reading and spelling. Average maths
Siblings? One brother, older by 3 yrs
Is she quite hard on herself? No but I'm not sure what you mean by this

This is a difficult one. We are surrounded by sweets, sugary treats and snacks and age 7 it's easy to feel like you just want those things and that's all there is to it. I'm not sure it's really beyond the fact that it's really nice- those foods are made to be 'hyperpalatable' on purpose by the food industry so it's not surprising that your 7 year old has noticed and wants to consume them, even at the risk of lying/getting found out.

You have two choices- restrict and ban the foods and keep a very tight rein on what she eats or go with it for now, accept she does like sugar which is not a crime, and over time keep teaching about healthy eating and the connection between what you consume and weight (but that it is still a choice and not a moral matter).

I had one child who was sugar obsessed and overweight and it was very very hard, even when I restricted, she found so many ways around- would be the child having thirds of birthday cake at parties, mainlining sweets at other people's houses, eating only carbs if sweet things weren't available, on it went.

Eventually she has lost weight, though getting older and growing up and out and making her own connections between what she eats and her weight in a good way. She still loves sugary treats though, and that's fine by me as long as she realises that you should eat sensible normal meals as a baseline. I can't control her though, she's an adolescent with her own bank account who goes out with her friends- if she wants to consume sugar all day every day I actually couldn't stop her.

I think you need to ask her about the lying issue, but I'm not sure she has a 'sugar' problem in the sense of it being anything more than enjoyable. I'd let her have some treats/sugar and wouldn't stop that myself, others prefer the restricting treats at home approach- see what resonates most with her and your lifestyle.

2 things will trigger my sugar cravings which I will hide from my family. Firstly boredom - more likely to reach for sugar than an available healthy snack or drink. When busy and doing plenty of exercise if I am genuinely hungry I want a better snack.
Secondly - your diet may be homemade and good but it could be full of quick release hits, and that creates more of a sugar craving. So I can do a homemade bolognese that is tasty, delicious and nutritious but will be more likely to cause a sugar craving than one I've hidden some pulses and veg to make it slower release. I know you probably know about GI with your diabetes - but nutritious home made doesn't mean it won't cause sugar cravings...

Remove absolutely all sugar, or products with refined sugar from your house, including drinks, squash etc. Sugar kills the taste buds and makes you crave more. No more sugar on cereal, tiny bit of honey if necessary. After a short while with no sugar dominating your palate other food starts to taste amazingly sweet again. This will help her learn to appreciate snacking on a carrot or apple.

Orchiddingme Thank you. It is so hard.DD is not overweight yet but is heading that way.

It almost sounds like the less you wanted to have sugar the more she wants it.
I don't restrict sugar at all in our house I just say have it after meals. Our son eats very small portions so I give him small but nutritious meals.
There is always a pudding or sweets for after.
Maybe make available so she knows it's coming. That will make her less anxious.
So far only one cavity in 13 years and his weight is stable.
I think sugar has become forbidden fruit in your house.
Have a chat with her and reach a compromise that works for both of you.

You've been judged a bit here op and its obviously got to you.
It would seem your only option is a locked cuboard meaming she will have to ask until she learns.
Not the best time of year to start routines re sugar though so maybe make it a new year thing? You do need to do something about it though before she adds to the tubbyness and kids start making fun.

The way I made sweets of little interest to mine is to have biscuits available, everyone got their own favourite biscuit packs which everyone shared and when they were finished that was it till the monthly shop.

I think if you make sweets and sugar a big deal it becomes more enticing.

I used to be more careful with fruit like berries and such and my two would go for the strawberries and cherries whenever offered chocolate or fruit!

You could make it a normal treat to buy them their chocolate of choice on payday or something so they know they will get sweets at a certain point. So they don't feel like they're missing out.

Nowadays mine are teens and my eldest will hoover any crap we have in the house, so DP started buying both DC Nutella jars, one each and each jar is labelled with names in marker. When the jar finishes that's that for a couple of months until I let DP buy them more. Works well, DD2's jar lasts for months and DD1 is now rationing hers a bit more. We only did that as Dd1 would finish the jar in a matter of weeks and DD2 would not even get a look in so was wildly unfair on her.

I think you need to make sugar and biscuits less of an issue

also now my kids are older they are careful not to eat my favourite biscuits as they know I like them with my tea and will usually only take one or two if they really fancy them.

the cereal thing, does she put sugar on already sweetened cereal?
if its not already sweet I'd switch from sugar to agave syrup and let her have a little of that on her cereal.

Also meal plan with your children and they can both choose what they want in their meals.

at seven also her body may be going thro growth spurts and getting ready for puberty which makes kids more hungry.

and sometimes you just have a sugar craving.

TBH I have a massive sweet tooth, I have done for as long as I can remember. I stole sweets and biscuits as a kid. I had very little interest in savoury food, or eating in general if it wasn't sweet. Maybe she's just wired that way and you'll need to continue to be vigilant.

Sorry - just come back to this. It sounds to me as though (completely understandably, given your own medical condition) that sugar is closely monitored in your house. If you read MN, it seems like everybody is the same; their kids eat carrot sticks as a snack with the odd apple slice at Christmas. In real life? I suspect that’s not the reality (and I’m in a very naice/MC bubble). If I’m right, then your DD maybe does feel deprived compared to her friends. I always tell my kids that there’s no such thing as healthy or unhealthy food, only a healthy or unhealthy diet; I will let them have chocolate or sweets when they want (within reason), but always in the context of a conversation about what else they’ve had that day and what they may want to have later. (Eg “you’d like a cake? Okay - but then it wouldn’t be a good idea to have an ice cream later” - which gets them into the habit of thinking about it in the round.) I wonder if this approach may help your DD?

I don’t want to cause an eating disorder

Then you need to stop viewing sugar as ‘naughty’.

You sound as if you monitor sugar intake far too closely (tbf understandably because of your own health issues) but you need to teach your children about moderation, because banning sugar is going to lead to disordered eating.

Also remember that the advice given for adults on diets shouldn’t be applied to children.

I think her behaviour sounds quite 'normal' actually, and I'd not go down the road of worrying about cars and replacing sugar with agave.

Obviously you're rightly concerned about any possibilty of diabetes, but as you say - she's not showing any signs. That she's taken your jelly beans is not good at all, but to a child they're probably just sweets.

We're 'made' to crave sugar, and children often do lie a bit as sneak things, but that doesn't mean that anything serious is happening.