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Original poster

Do I get ex a Christmas present from the kids if he hasn’t paid me maintenance this month?

34 replies

thefourgp · 17/12/2018 09:29

They’re both under 10 year old, this is the first Christmas since we separated, there’s no reason or excuse for him not paying maintenance (he works full time), he’s just not paid it because he likes to make my life difficult. I’m teaching them we buy presents for those we love at Christmas. It wouldn’t be much, just a tenner each but it really annoys me that I have to spend my money on him when he hasn’t given me a penny for our children. I don’t bad mouth him to the kids so they don’t know about the maintenance. Should I be the bigger person yet again? It would make the kids happy to give him something.

OP posts:

NeverTwerkNaked · 17/12/2018 09:32

Could the children make him something instead? Or get him something much more “token” ( just £1-2 each, maybe from Poundland or similar)?

NeverTwerkNaked · 17/12/2018 09:33

I feel your pain re the maintenance, my ex uses me as his overdraft I think, so delays maintenance at Christmas at in the summer holidays etc

DonDrapersOldFashioned · 17/12/2018 09:33

No. I agree with the making something thing idea.

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NeverTwerkNaked · 17/12/2018 09:34

You are right to be the bigger person though. My kids have never known about the maintenance hold ups.
Is he paying through CMS? They have got a bit stricter recently.

TwoGinScentedTears · 17/12/2018 09:35

Yep, get the kids to make the glitteriest card you can. Fill that envelope with the left over glitter. Merry Christmas!

Blackladybug · 17/12/2018 09:35

it would make the kids happy to give him something I think there's your answer.

NeverTwerkNaked · 17/12/2018 09:36

twogin

ClaireFraser · 17/12/2018 09:36

I would suggest the children make him something. Eg, picture or decorated pine cones or pasta art etc. Plenty of ideas online. That way they get to give him something that they've had fun making (because it's about keeping the DC happy) and it doesn't cost you anything. Win win all round.

He is an absolute dick for not paying this months maintenance though!

Blueberryhill123 · 17/12/2018 09:37

I wouldn't bother personally, he's not giving a crap as to contributing to his own dc's welfare.
If your dc's really want to do something then they could always make him something.

letsdolunch321 · 17/12/2018 09:45

I wouldn’t bother, clearly he is a selfish idiot who is trying to make life difficult for you.

I will eat my worlds if he has a gift from the children for you.

CuppaSarahsCuppaChristmasCheer · 17/12/2018 09:55

Get the kids to bake him something and 'forget' to wash their hands first. He won't have a clue and you'll know he's chomping down on germ biscuits.

reindeermania · 17/12/2018 09:57

I would give them a £5 each and let them buy something. Christmas is about giving, and by teaching them the joy of giving, and encouraging generosity and kindness, you are teaching them to become better adults than their father. Don't teach them to be petty and spiteful (even though you have every right to feel that way) they will enjoy the giving of a gift and learn to value that. It's for the children more than him.

CuppaSarahsCuppaChristmasCheer · 17/12/2018 10:00

Or give them a pound each and head to Poundland. They can spend some time looking and thinking about what he would like, so they're learning the joy of gift giving. But you're not spending much.

LoonyLunaLoo · 17/12/2018 10:04

I agree with getting them to make him some biscuits or something. I wouldn’t be spending any more than I had to on him.

Fippy · 17/12/2018 10:21

Charity shop. Get them to choose something each; it will cost about 50p and you can steer them towards the useless/dirty/utterly hideous stuff if you're feeling mean.

We get our kids to buy a couple of Xmas presents for close family out of their pocket money (not that I'm suggesting you do that here, but just explaining why the budget is v small for those gifts). Always from charity shops, where you can actually get a very nice book or dvd for pennies. But OH MY GOD the volume of crap that's in there as well - the kids need steering so as NOT to buy their dad a slightly chipped china flowerbasket. So if you just let them loose with £1 each then they'll be happy choosing and giving, you'll have upheld your giftgiving ethos, and with any luck Shit Dad will end up with a suitably Shit Present. And it's really just karma, because how can you spend any more money than that when your maintenance hasn't come through?

UnleashTheBulsara · 17/12/2018 10:46

I would get them to make him something. If he looks askance at the gifts at any point, you could say neutrally that with no maintenance payments, food and clothes for dc comes before sparing money for presents for adults.

I don't see why you should say nothing about it, it's not right and if he feels he's got away with it at the worst time of year, why shouldn't he carry on? Don't set a precedence for accepting this, he should be paying for dc's upkeep - after all, you don't have a choice about it, do you?

I wouldn't say it where dc could overhear though

Floralnomad · 17/12/2018 10:49

Do they get pocket money , if so then they can buy something if not then help them make him something .

AnnaMagnani · 17/12/2018 11:06

Yes, but it costs max £2.50.

Original poster

thefourgp · 17/12/2018 17:01

Thanks for the replies. I’m going to opt for making him something with lots of glitter. Lol. CMS are on it but they’ve made mistakes due to backlogs so god knows when they’ll get it sorted. He’s a selfish, terrible father and the kids deserve so much better. X

OP posts:

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 17/12/2018 17:06

Framed picture that says “don’t forget to pay for our food and clothes Daddy!” Perhaps with a helpful reminder of the date in the month when it’s due

MargoLovebutter · 17/12/2018 17:07

Two separate issues. Are you teaching the DC about getting gifts for important people in their lives, or are you trying to punish your ex?

Having been divorced for 15 odd years, I get your reluctance to do anything nice for your ex, but try not to make it about him. If you are teaching your DC about doing something nice and about giving - then something homemade is the perfect solution.

Big hug - this stuff is really hard at this time of year and your ex sounds like a massive arse. Hopefully, the CMS will get it sorted soon.

AviatorShades · 17/12/2018 17:12

Home-made cards(with glitter)will be lovely , OP
They'll love making them and he'll never forget them

WilburforceRaven · 17/12/2018 17:19

Yep, make him a card.

woolduvet · 17/12/2018 17:20

Glittery calendar with child maintenance dates helpfully highlighted!

Herja · 17/12/2018 17:25

I give the kids £10 each and unleash them in piundland at Christmas. They are stingy and have been known to club together even in there. They like buying and choosing presents, I think this year they plan on joining together to buy their dad a box of turkish delight, so they can afford to get presents for their various grandparents and great grandparents and favourite auntie and cousin too.

Or the glitter...

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