Next door reacting to DS crying

[Figmentofimagination]

So frustrated right now. I need to know what others would do/ say in my situation. Would you react or would you keep quiet?

Summary - DS is full of a cold, woke up crying around 6:30, went to soothe him, he cried for 5 mins. Next door banged on the wall to shut him up. Should I say something?

So DS (19 months) has been up and down with sleeping lately. Some nights (even weeks) he's mostly fine. Will sometimes sleep through, sometimes have 1 wake up and quickly goes back to sleep. Other nights he's been teething.

He would wake up crying and then screech if we left him and could go for ages. We've had to resort to taking him downstairs to watch tv and calm down some times as he wouldn't stop screeching, and it was keeping others (DH/ me depending on who was working the next day, and next door) awake. I even posted in chat back in October about the first time DS did this and wouldn't stop, and next door (male) actually shouted through the wall to shut up. Now I completely understand that it's not nice in the middle of the night to be woken up by a baby screeching and crying, but we're not neglecting him, we were in with him when he was screeching. He just didn't want to be alone or go back to sleep. If I took him out of the room he was ok, but as soon as I stepped back into the room with him in my arms he would start up again. Hence going downstairs so others can sleep. When that happened I went round the next day and apologised, explained it was teething and the female said it was ok, she completely understands.

Also, just to make you aware, when he does wake in the night, I will go to him, give him his comforter and dummy, pat his tummy and then leave. Majority of the time he will cry for a minute or two and then go back to sleep.

So to now. I have gone through 2 colds in the last month (so I've probably been noisy with blowing my nose and coughing). DS has just caught my second one. So he's not slept well tonight. He's been up and down a lot in the night trying to sleep with a blocked nose but only cried 3 times. Once around 8:30, once around 3am, and once at 6:26. I went in to see him, found his comforter and left. He didn't like this so sat up (watching him on monitor) crying. I left him, and could hear him slowing down with his crying so knew I didn't need to go back in to sooth him. That he would stop soon. At 6:31 whilst he was still crying (not screeching) next door decided to bang repeatedly on the wall! It had been 5 minutes! It's not like he's crying for 30 minutes. Toddlers cry fgs! He did stop crying a minute later and went back to sleep.

They have 1 dog who I accept barks and runs about. He's woken DS up numerous times during naps and in the evening but I've never said anything or banged on the wall. When they have gone out till gone 1am leaving their dog and another family members dog to run around and fight and bark on and off I've not said anything as that's what dogs do and it's not all the time. Probably a couple of times a month. When they have had parties that are so loud I can hear their conversations/ sing along to their music I haven't said anything (a few times a year). For the past 2 NYE they have had very loud parties (moved in 2 years ago) including putting a gazebo in the back garden last year (under DS window), and we only said something last NYE when it was gone 3am and DS kept getting woken up by their karaoke and the drinking games going on under his window.

So WWYD? Would you say something? Or would you leave it?

I think banging on walls and shouting is a very aggressive and anti-social way to approach a situation, and shows what type of people they are.

Do these people think babies have a volume switch or something?! 🙄

I would get your DH to go round and say something. Banging and shouting through the walls can scare children!

Before I became a parent and was in my twenties I was getting up at 5am for a full time job and going straight from that job for an office cleaning job. I was so exhausted and needed sleep. I was woken regularly by my neighbors loud screaming sex. I know the frustration. I bought earplugs and it took a while to get used to them. I also had to increase the volume of my alarm clock radio to make sure I could hear it. It's just part of life. I wish housing was built with better sound proofing especially between shared walls. But they weren't. Perhaps it could be a selling point in the future for new builds. Fwiw earplugs were very helpful. Can't use them now with a small child as I would want to be able to hear her and wake up if she needed me. I don't think parents should have to worry about other people being upset at their baby or young child's normal noises. We were all babies once and everyone had to put up with us now its our turn whether we are parents or not. Sorry for big lecture but people like Op's neighbors piss me off.

Didn't expect this many responses. Unfortunately DH hasn't been able to pop round to talk to them yet. Mixture over the last 2 days of DH getting stuck in motorway traffic, next door being out till gone midnight (with their dog barking for an hour at one point around 11pm), DS developing croup, and DS vomiting all over the living room sofa due to his cough and phlegm in his throat.

To answer some PP questions, we are unable to move him to a different room (unless he sleeps in the bathroom) and we do give him a dummy and a comforter but a dummy doesn't work very well when is struggling to breathe through his nose and his coughing is waking him up. And I promise you all I am not leaving him to cry for ages. As soon as he cries I go into see him, if after a few mins I can tell he isn't going to settle I go back in to his room/ take him downstairs to calm down. When he has been crying when they have banged, either I have been trying to soothe him or he has been crying on and off and he has drifted off to sleep and his coughing has woken him back up which starts the cycle again. The very first time back in October when they shouted shut up as he had been crying for ages we were both with him and we didn't know what to do with him as he had never been like this before. He just wouldn't stop crying, which is why I took him downstairs away from everyone so everyone else could sleep.

Oceanbliss is right, their banging is making me anxious. I have been worrying about how the night will turn out, not for my DS's sake but I'm worried he'll wake them up and they will bang again. I should be focusing on him and not their reactions.

I like Mumtoboy's idea of writing them a note. I think I will do that. I will apologise for his crying and that we are aware it is disturbing them, and explain we are trying to do everything we can, however he is ill at the moment.

Glad I don't live next door to Punto1

I would ask for their tolerance with DS noise just as you are tolerant of their dog disturbing you including waking you all up, their late night parties etc as unfortunately the walls are not well insulated.

Ok, I posted a note to them yesterday, apologising for the crying, explaining DS is ill and that we are doing everything we can. Hopefully they understand.

Fingers crossed Op. I hope your ds gets well soon and you and dh get some well deserved rest.

News. I got home from work tonight and DH said next door had been round to apologise. He has been off work this week as he says he is burned out, and she had bought DS a Christmas present. Apparently they did talk about other things but DH can't remember what they talked about as DS kept trying to shut the door on them (he likes to shut all the doors 😂).
Oh, and DS seems to be sleeping better. We've been advised to give him Difflam Spray to numb his throat a bit and stop it hurting. So DH gave it to him just before bed alongside calpol and he's been asleep since 8pm. Let's hope he's sleeps well tonight.