I don't know if they did this on purpose

[orangesandlemmings]

Kind relatives, always quite generous.

Sent Xmas card with cheque

Despite telling them on other occasions that I haven't gone back to my maiden name

They've sent cheque in maiden name.

Backstory: ex was abusive. I think they do feel I should lose the name but it's also DS name.

I feel a bit grabby to say please can you resend the cheque... how do I politely and non grabbily ask?

Maybe I'm reading too much into it but ex has recently done something that makes me think they might think surely now I would revert to my maiden name

If I could change us without confusing DS I would but I don't think I probably can and when he's older if he wants to find relatives it will obviously help him

"Dear Generous Relly,

Thank you so much for the cheque, it is really very much appreciated, especially at this time of year.
Do you think you would be able to re-write it for me please, as I haven't changed back to my maiden name yet and it might expire before I get the chance. I would be happy to return the one I already have to you?

Much love

orangesandlemmings"

If you took the cheque into the bank, along with your marriage certificate as proof of your maiden name would they let you cash it?

Yes the message is good. I kind of want to say to them that I don't plan on changing back actually

I mean I hate it being exHs name but I like being the same as DS

You don't need them to reissue it. You bank should pay it in if you can prove your maiden name, unless it's a particularly large cheque. I used to work for a bank and we got this all the time

The bank may accept it, I know mine does (NatWest) with no ID providing the account was once in the former name.

Just email or call them to say "my bank account is in the name of Mary Marriedname so I can't pay in this cheque made payable to Mary Maidenname. What shall I do with it? '
No need to get into the fact that you are" still" Mary Marriedname, or whether you "should" revert to Mary Maidenname.

You want to share a surname with your DS, it's irrelevant that it also happens to be the same as your exs surname

This might be utterly daft but would you be able to open up a second bank account in your other name?
I'm sure that someone wiser will come along and explain that it's a bad idea for some reason but its the first thing that came into my mind..?

I will try the bank first I think

Then if that works sign off our card thanking them with our actual name