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Poverty on my doorstep

2 replies

thecranberries · 16/12/2018 22:24

A single mum acquaintance of mine is staying with me. She is in need of some emotional support. I said fine. Her dc is almost a teenager, older than mine, but they get along. We met at a single mum group.

This friend is on the brink of actual poverty. Her work opportunities got messed up (her ex was abusive, caused her disability which impacted upon her work, leading to depression). Now she has very little money coming in, her house is a mess, she can't afford to buy anything for herself for almost a year now, she recently went to the food bank for food, and her child has just found out about how poor she is. She is mortified, embarrassed and humiliated to be in this position, leading to more depression.

She can barely function, although she is a good mum. But recently has started shouting at her child and feels there is a distance between her and her dc, which is making her even more depressed.

She seemed to do the right things to help herself out of this - looking for work, attempting to exercise to lift her mood, chivvying herself along with self-help books, talking to her friends, even going to a low fee counsellor after her NHS counselling sessions finished.

But over time, her friends fell by the wayside, because she couldn't seem to get out of the doldrums because of her mounting problems.
Now, she is friendless, has no family apart from her child, has no money (she does get tax credits and paltry amount from her ex for child only) and is in debt.

She can't afford Christmas - so no tree, no presents, no food. And her child's birthday is approaching.

She came to me for support - but I can only give so much as I'm not in position to give up many evenings, or supply food etc.

She revealed all this to me last night - and also the fact that her depression has gotten so bad that she is smoking cheapest cigarettes and drinking the cheapest wine as a way to numb herself - and she feels totally ill doing it.

WWYD? I wish I had a magic wand, but, sadly, I don't.

OP posts:
noego · 17/12/2018 13:02

she is smoking cheapest cigarettes and drinking the cheapest wine as a way to numb herself - and she feels totally ill doing it

This has to stop, it is making her depression worse.

Speak to her about (hopefully she'll listen)

Calling Samaritans for emotional support
Talking to Step-change about any debt she might be in
Calling MIND for some help with MH issues
CAB to check that she is getting what she is entitled to
CMS to chase down the ex
Attending mindful meditation classes or just meditation classes. (local Buddhist centre will charge donation only/not required)
You tube video's on meditation or self help.
Self help books are good but the depression voice might cloud the message.
Fresh air walks in nature. (they do help)
HTH
Flowers

JoanneMumsnet · 17/12/2018 17:58

Hi thecranberries,

We're just adding a few more links which may be useful for your friend -

How to get help with debt

Step Change debt charity

MN tips on frugal living

There are also lots of organisations listed in our Mental Health webguide which could give your friend real life support. Please do take a look.

Sending good wishes Flowers

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