Feeling disgusted with myself

[nomorearsingmermaids]

Just needed to write this down. Sorry as I know it's long.

I have lifelong issues with binge eating. I've never been bulimic or anything, I just overeat. I have always been overweight - not massively, like half a stone - but when I was pregnant with my son I put on 4st as felt hugely sick unless I was constantly eating. I lost 2 st of that pretty quickly and have lost another stone over the past year. I am now 10 lbs off a healthy BMI for my height. I have lost the weight pretty much just trying to eat mindfully and control my portion sizes. PLEASE don't tell me I should low carb or do 5:2 or do slimming world or whatever - I cannot "diet", it massively triggers my binge eating. I've been doing really well losing the weight slowly but steadily through mindful eating and portion control.

But this time of year is just horrendous for me. I knew it would be. Social events every other day with food, food, food galore. People keep buying us biscuits and chocolates. If DH is here I have to get him to hide them immediately to stop me eating them.

I've just eaten half a box of chocolates I bought as a gift for someone else. I feel completely disgusting and out of control tbh. I get married in eight weeks' time and I promised myself I would be down to a healthy bmi for the wedding.

I'm not even hungry right now (in fact I'm really full up as on top of the chocolate binge I just cooked an early christmas dinner for my in laws) but I want to eat.

I feel powerless at the moment like I am doomed to be like this forever.

I’m sorry to read how bad you feel about this. I think you are being much too hard on yourself by the sounds of it. It’s ok to enjoy eating chocolate. You’re really not fat and are clearly very able to eat healthily too. My advice would be to try to let go of the loathing and be kind with your thoughts towards yourself. I hope you are feeling better!

I'm similar to you. I'm generally able to manage mindful eating in my daily life but things like Christmas really put me off track and I'm back to default gluttony. I'm planning to just start daily exercise in the new year. That helps me eat better because I feel better.

I could have written this!

Have you read the book Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole? It was a game changer for me when it came to binge eating. I've not perfected the art yet but my binging has been greatly reduced now nothing is off limits. It sounds counter intuitive but it works well.

Be kinder to yourself, it looks to me that you've taken steps to remedy your relationship with food. Christmas is tough but there's no reason why you can't apply those mindfulness techniques at this time of year too.

I really sympathise with you, it's so tough being out of control and exhausting thinking of food all the time

I've just logged back on and seen your responses. Thanks so much for your kind words, I'm feeling a little better today. I am definitely going to get that book!