Worrying about visiting relatives with dogs over Christmas

[ABitCrapper]

The dogs are generally well behaved, but getting old and a bit grumpy.
I have 3 young children and the toddler is a fucking nightmare. I wish he was half as well trained as the dogs.
There is no way I can watch all 3 children all the time with the dogs. I can glue myself to the toddler as much as possible, but sometimes I will have to go to the toilet / shower etc.
The dogs do not have crates and the downstairs is open plan, so they cannot be shut away. and I'm the only adult who seems bothered.
The older two kids know to leave the dogs alone when on their beds, but they are small children and therefore not 100% reliable.
Am I being over anxious, and what can I do?

So as not to drip feed, I am generally anxious, and wee see the family with dogs 2-3 times a year

Is your DP going with you?

As a dog owner I don't think you are being over anxious, old grumpy dogs and a toddler doesn't seem a great mix.
Is there a bedroom you can put the dogs in when you aren't able to supervise your dc. With their dog beds to sleep on.

Yes dh is going but he really doesn't know dogs - can't see when they are getting stressed.
I think it would go down really badly if I tried to shut the dogs away in a bedroom upstairs as just a guest.

As a dog owner
Dogs are unpredictable,your children only have you and yr dh to stand up for them..I'd insist on the dogs and children being kept separate.but I'm sure lots of people will disagree with me.
It's not worth the risk.any dog could turn ,when stressed at new strangers in their home.

I avoid places like this but it doesn't sound like that is an option. It's not really fair on the dog (who is used to having their own space) or the toddler (who has very limited boundaries).

It's quite simple surely when you need to do something you tell DH to keep all the DC away from the dogs...

Actually thinking back to when mine were small..I wouldn't of gone.no way would I of put myself in that situation when other adults didn't see a problem..you won't be able to relax ,you won't enjoy it..can't they put the dogs in kennels? ..or assure you they will put a dog gate on the kitchen and keep the dogs in there.failing those ideas ,im afraid I'd not go

I can't get out of the visit.
Previous visits have been ok as the house had a different layout, and the dogs were fairly tolerant of the odd child transgression (I never allow teasing, but sometimes they forgot the "bed" rule and wanted to stroke a sleeping dog. But I noticed at the last visit that one dog at least was noticeably older and grumpier, and less tolerant.
Oh I don't know. It's going to be so stressful having to be on alert all the time!

I think the only thing you can do is talk to the dogs' owners.

I have dogs and stress loads when people come, as mine are pretty good but LOVE visitors and not everyone loves them back.

It's hard when it's open plan, as there's no way to block the dogs in...and I, for one, appreciate your balanced view. I think you're right to worry too and I would defo train up your DH, if no-one else co-operates.

It's important to stress to the kids the importance of not annoying the dogs but also try not to worry out of proportion, other adults are around so the kids aren't with the dogs unsupervised. I know my dog and whilst I would immediately step in if I saw him getting really stressed, I don't automatically put him in another part of the house just because an infrequent visitor turns up with kids, it's a learning opportunity for the kids to respect the dogs boundaries. We allow our nephew to hand feed the dog under close supervision but when the dog sensibly retreats to his bed he knows not to follow, even at 18 months he followed instructions! (If things get too rowdy my dog has access to upstairs and retreats, visitors kids are told not to go upstairs)

If you go to the toilet, the toddler (or all 3) go with you. You can't be too careful, it can all happen really quickly, even if 'their dog's are really well behaved'

I have dogs so my two DS are used to them and are pretty good around dogs but my DPs have a JRT who I do not trust at all around them and watch like a hawk. Luckily my parents are on the same wave length but still visits are so stressful!

In any case can you take a stair gate with you? Is the downstairs completely open plan or is there a utility room area you could gate off for the dogs? Failing that yes if you leave the room the toddler goes with you. Shower in the morning with DH upstairs with toddler and if you need the loo toddler goes too?!

I'm guessing that they aren't your family if you aren't able to move the dogs to somewhere quieter and safer for them.
If they are your DH's family can you get him to step up and do some safety planning.
Are you being really clear about your concerns and what the outcome of a biting incident would be?
We are having family visit who are scared and used to dogs, we will be doing crating in another room, supervised visits and some daycare so dog gets some chill time too.

Scared and not used.

I'd take along a playpen/carrycot for the youngest child to play in if your not able to supervise him at that moment. Also, perhaps a pressure fit stair gate to go across the kitchen door so dogs can be in there unharmed.