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Original poster

Would you let your 11 year old travel an hour to school?

63 replies

PeterAndJayne · 14/12/2018 18:35

In chat for traffic.

I have found a school that's perfect for DS except its an hour from home via 2 trains. He would need to leave at about 7.15 and return at about 6pm. Moving is an option but that would only reduce his journey by 20 mins (can't move nearer due to work and other child is settled in school). It's one of the few schools that can meet his needs. The alternative is support in mainstream but I fear he would end up floundering in bottom sets (he has complex S&L problems). I keep justifying by thinking it's only for 5 years, lots of holidays etc.

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 14/12/2018 20:51

My kids do this. Youngest was 7 at the beginning. By car most days. Leave at 7, home at 7. All fine.

GoodStuffAnnie · 14/12/2018 20:54

Never. It’s nuts. He’s a child.

Dimsumlosesum · 14/12/2018 20:54

We had to.

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11 year olds Families General education
Toomanybaubles · 14/12/2018 21:06

It would be a no for me, I moved house and sacrificed a lot for a ten minute walk to a fantastic secondary school. A friend’s son does a 65 minute journey and he is knackered mid week.

So I would move or rethink. There is a lot of homework in secondary to consider and our school finishes an hour later than primary anyway.

ilovemilton · 14/12/2018 22:13

DD is ordered by court to visit her "D"F twice a week, knowing she uses public transport. She would need to leave at 6:50am for a 8:30 start, and gets back to his at 5:30pm from a 3:20 finish. Two buses each way and a dark, horrible bus station. So if the courts and social workers say it's fine...

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 14/12/2018 22:24

It would also be a no for me.
Add up those hours/weeks/months and it is a lot of time for an 11 year old. Especially one who might not find things easy at the best of times. Will he worry about the journey? what if things go wrong?
My DD did a similar commute-it was on a dedicated school coach (she was at an independent school which had private coaches so it was a more mindless journey but she hated it)
We moved her to the local state school and just being local was so good for her-I realise this might not be possible for you but think that journey daily could crush your DS.
It is exhausting and he will also be far away from everything school related-
I just wouldn't.
I would def look at all options-including moving.
Why couldn't you move between so the journey easier than 20 mins less?

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 14/12/2018 22:25

Sorry-that last question wasn't meant to be goody-just trying to get all the info!

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 14/12/2018 22:26

*goady

Spikeyball · 14/12/2018 22:29

Ds has travelled for an hour to school since he was 7 but it is on school transport.

ILoveDolly · 14/12/2018 22:32

My dd takes a coach which depending on traffic is usually an hour each way. She enjoys the reading time. Our more local high school was not suitable, mainly because she wanted to avoid all the children who bullied her at primary school. Her new school is an independent school, great academically but also better for her pastorally as she has mild physical disabilities the school accommodate very well. She has made many friends although it is tough living so far from friends. Also the long journey can make the day very tiring and leaves less time for free time after homework.

IHeartKingThistle · 14/12/2018 22:38

No. My Year 7 walks 10 mins to school and the first term has knackered her. I've never seen her so tired, not even when she started Reception! It's a huge transition. Also, local friends are invaluable IMO.

Tricky with the added SEN, though.

Rumboogie · 14/12/2018 23:01

I did this with my two DC from year 4. Identical timings but I had to take them by car as no available public or school transport. We used the car time to listen to music or audiobooks, or sometimes they might start some homework. They also had music lessons after school some evenings. You get used to it and it just becomes normal life. We don't regret it, it was definitely the right school for them. Not sure about a train journey with a change though - that seems more onerous for the child.

Davros · 14/12/2018 23:12

I did it. It ruined my schooldays and none of my friends lived nearby. When I got to about 15 I almost stopped going home after school and went to a friend's

DrWashout · 14/12/2018 23:30

It would be a no for my child, I think. We've found the emotional, social, cognitive, organisational, homework load at secondary is a huge jump up. Mine manages a 40 min walk on top and she spent most of this term on the ragged edge. If she had any extra challenges it would not be tenable. She's barely in a state to attempt homework as it is.

You know your own child best but don't underestimate what you're asking of him on top of what's already a really challenging change.

I think if it's head and shoulders the best provision for him maybe you need to think more radically about other ways round it - changing working hours, a regular taxi, moving further and disrupting your other child, a childminder local to the school.

Original poster
PeterAndJayne · 15/12/2018 08:02

Thank you all. I've read all your replies and slept on it and I think unless there's an option for a school bus or taxi (should be a funded place so transport maybe included) then I need to rethink. A move would be tricky but not impossible. The main issue would be moving out of our area would mean we would lose the funding as the new LA may refuse. I'm pretty sure we would win any appeal but that's a massive risk. Also, we don't want to add to our own commutes in the opposite direction. There's a specialist unit attached to a local school which I had excluded as it doesn't match the specialist school but I'm wondering of on balance this maybe a better option. It's still half hour from home but a much easier commute and not so far in distance. Thanks all.

OP posts:
SandunesAndRainclouds · 15/12/2018 08:09

It’s such a tough choice when SEN are involved. The place we liked for DD would’ve only offered a residential placement as it was just over an hour away, which I couldn’t do. Although she’s tiring and difficult to manage at times, my day would be completely empty without her in it.

We had nominated a local mainstream high school but the headteacher was being difficult about her funding, so we had to start from scratch. Hopefully we’ve found an alternative but because it was after the closing time for applications we might not get in after all. Potentially DD could be displaced from education entirely which is a huge concern right now...

Spikeyball · 15/12/2018 08:18

If it is named as the nearest suitable school you should be able to argue that transport be provided. It doesn't have to be in all cases but that journey is a long and complicated one for a child with sen.

Thespace · 15/12/2018 08:21

I think it’s too far. Not so bad if it’s one bus but I don’t like the idea of changing trains and waiting around. My dc could never do that at 11.

ViragoKnows · 15/12/2018 08:24

Push hard for the taxi.

steppemum · 15/12/2018 08:24

my children travel an hour door to door. That is car/bike to station, train and then 15 minute walk.

They leave homeat 7:30 and are home by 5.
They find it a long day, and the issue of friends etc has been a problem.

Generally I would say one hour is about the max I would do. It is exhausting, although that gets easier as they get older.

BUT to get the right school for specialist provision, it is definitley worth thinking about. SEN provisions in mainstream is getting worse and worse as the budgets get squeezed, so I would be very pessimistic about what is available in mainstream.

The thing that strikes me about your post is not the journey time, but

  1. it is 2 trains. Can you look and see how often either of those trains have been delayed/cancelled over the last year? Because my kids travel in a good trainline with few problems, and they go against the commuter flow, and we still have days when trains don't work, and your ds has 2 trains.
  2. he is getting home really late. 6 pm is late. If they have a longer day, do they include a homework club/session in the day? Will he still have a lot to do when he gets home, or will he come home having done it all?
EnglishRose1320 · 15/12/2018 08:24

We choose a school our of catchment for our ds due to his additional needs, for the first couple of weeks he managed the train then the stress of coping really got to him and he has been really unwell mentally since. If however you have the school named as the first choice on his ehcp then the council will have to fund a taxi. My friends son goes by taxi everyday and copes much better than my ds.

Original poster
PeterAndJayne · 15/12/2018 08:33

Just to clarify, he has a draft EHCP but we are appealing to increase the support to include a named school for the move to secondary next year. I just need to weigh everything up before I name either option. TBH, I don't have much faith in the mainstream unit.

Good idea about looking up train delays. I do worry about that. One option is I drive him to the second station so that takes out one of the trains but that's such a short train journey and the driving would take longer. The second train journey is about 35 minutes and in the opposite direction to our work, although normally one of us works from home.

OP posts:
Original poster
PeterAndJayne · 15/12/2018 08:33

I don't know about go homework. I'll need to ask.

OP posts:
steppemum · 15/12/2018 08:40

one option may be to collect him from school one day a week, so on wednesdays he is home early. That woudl take the pressure off/give him a break mid week.

Does the school run any transport? A lot of independant secondaries run parent organised mini buses etc. If there is one going from somewhere accessible, that may be an option, eg 10 minute drive to next borough, then on minibus.

Think about his SEN, imagine him in some scenarios and what woudl he do, and how would he cope:
1st train is cancelled.
2nd train is cancelled
loses something on the train.
Misses his stop
gets held up at school, and misses train
loses train pass

and so on.

MeYouWye · 15/12/2018 08:42

Interesting to note that mostly people who have actually done it, wouldn't recommend. I'll add to that chorus, I did it for secondary and really wish I hadn't. Out early, back late. Minimum an hour, frequently a lot longer due to bomb alerts (days of IRA). No friends lived close to me. Glad you are reconsidering OP.