Talented sibling

[tieonthetable]

No idea where to post this. Nc so I can give details

DS is 9
DD is 10

Both go to gymnastics. It was 'her' sport first. He's joined in and they both go to 2 clubs (same advanced recreational class)

In the last month, both gyms have said DS is progressing beyond what they can offer. They've advised us to try him out at a (non) local squad.

He's keen. His sister is supportive but my heart breaks for her. I no nothing about gymnastics, and didn't do the same sport as my sibling

My question is really about how to handle this going forward.

If you were the non-talented one, please tell me how your parents were fair about it?

What happens if his training clashes with her class? Try and get lifts so one doesn't have to sacrifice to the to the other?

Please be gentle. She also got told she needs some teeth removing so couldn't have come at a worse time for her! (Because of crowding, not poor dental care)

Anyone?

Have you already spoken to her about it? She may not mind... Also don't worry yet about clashes etc. It may not happen.

If your DS wants to do it, I definitely wouldn't stop him just because of how his sister might feel.

If she wants to go for excellence in something, maybe start looking round for something new for her to try. Perhaps having her own 'new' thing would take her mind off what her brother is doing.

She says she doesn't mind. Actually she says she's really happy for him.

I've got too much time to think right now, so catastrophising

@4point2fleet thankyou. She doesn't want to try anything new. She loves gymnastics - always has.

That's all fine then, just let them get on with it.

Presumably she knows, as she is in a rec class at 10, that elite gym isn't going to be for her anyway. If she just enjoys it at her own level, that's fine.

She could always switch to tramp or another related 'later entry' discipline in a while if she wants to be competitive.

Mine are ok. Older teen is also involved in the same sport as younger teen and gets a bit pissed off at times having to be taken to watch said talented younger teen participating (international level) but is very proud deep down. Involves a lot of time in the car but has plenty of mobile data!

Thankyou

I'm thinking long term as an adults how they'll view their childhoods (definitely overthinking)

She is incredibly sensitive. She did try trampolining (they both did;they're very close). As I'm typing they're doing a routine together on the trampoline in the garden.

I might see if she wants to do it again. Thankyou.

You really are overthinking.

They'll resent you anyway for something you can't even think of now- like who's socks get folded more carefully. helpful

Just enjoy the gym for what it is- a hobby.

I think I've spent too much time on here reading posts about being favourite (or not). These dynamics must start somewhere.

If DS is going for competitive gymnastics, and you think DD may feel left behind in the rec class, then is there another 'take' on gymnastics she could try? My friend who was a keen gymnast now does an acrobatics/ circus class (like cirque du soleil type stuff hanging from silks) and does performances of that, might something like that help her to move her own direction with it?

My DSis as I are close in age and were both keen horse riders as children. I got into showjumping/ hunter trialling, but DSis was never very confident jumping. She also hated hanging around watching me on competition days, so she got into endurance riding, loved it, make loads of friends. Same basic 'sport', different areas, no comparisons.

Thankyou @malteserhound ironically riding is my sport and neither are interested!

I like the idea of diversity so it's the same but different. It is anyway I guess due to equipment boys use that girls don't.

I think it's just the time and attention that I'm trying to get my head around.

If any child is competing in any sport then there must be a knock on effect for others?

@tieonthetable I think it depends what level they're competing at. Neither DSis or I were at a particularly high level, so my DParents said we could have one weekend each a month if we wanted them transport/support. As we got older (about 14) we could also share lifts with friends/ parents no longer felt the need to be there for every event, so it had less impact on each other.
I would imagine if you're competing at national level or above, it's a different kettle of fish. I competed nationally in athletics, but always with my club, so parents never went to distant meets, even at age 12!

My siblings were all competitive and successful sports people. I wasn't. I didn't mind at all. Your point re the competitive one get more time and attention is a valid one, but it's certainly not insurmountable. I remember very fondly that my parents (or at least one of them) regularly turned up at my very significantly less impressive sporting events. Similarly, the actively encouraged me to do other things if I didn't want to do sport. And importantly, they took the view that they'd pay for me to have other hobbies etc as the cost of my siblings' sports gear tended to be quite high.

In summary, I think it's relatively easy to ensure both children get attention. It doesn't have to be the same. I'd have found it much more stressful if my parents had tried to force me to be competitive int he same way as my siblings - that just wasn't my thing.

Thankyou

I would encourage them both to continue, but fair isn't always equal etc. I have this with my two - eldest is talented dancer and now studying dance at a full time professional college, younger sister is capable but fairly average and in no way of the same standard as her sister was at a comparable age.

I spent a lot of money last year to get eldest the additional training, summer schools and private lessons she needed which eventually paid off in the form of a successful audition and fully funded place at the college she is at now. My younger DD desperately wants to take a drama class (for fun) but is having to wait until I have paid off some of my credit cards from last year's expenses.

Your DD may flourish later in gymnastics, or eventually decide to try something else. I'd second trying a circus style class or acrobatic arts class - she may just find her niche in gymnastics with a different twist!

Going through similar atm with mine, though a bit older and different sport (indoor climbing). Both DDs talented and work hard at the sport, 1 of them wants to take it to a more competitive level and travel to all competitions, which usually takes up a day of the weekend, and tends to split the family as one parent goes with competition daughter, the other stays (at home without a car) with other DD. I’m not sure how to handle it either (sorry, not much help!) as I’m aware that one daughter gets a lot more mone6 spent on her than the other...

I think if your children see you try really hard to keep it equal then they tend not to mind if you fail sometimes.

My sister was the golden child in our family so I tend to tie myself in knots trying to equalise time and money spent and be fair. In reality of course, with 4 kids, with different talents and interests, over a span of 12 years from youngest to oldest, when we've been young and skint and energetic and old and richer and jaded, well, it's never going to be totally fair. They all seem quite cool with it.

Thanks all. Really interesting