Married colleague hit on me and tried to give me cocaine? WTF?!

[EurghFeelingBad]

Gosh I am trying to make sense of what happened yesterday night.

I went out with colleagues on a Christmas do and we all got pretty drunk. There was still male colleague who is married to someone quite senior in a different department. She could destroy my career in a second.

We chatted a lot and it was all very friendly. Until it wasn't. He tried to make me do cocaine in the bathroom (I refused to go into the bathroom with him) and he clearly wanted to hit on me. He kept touching my back and shoulders. He wanted to come home with me.

Then I left while he was distracted (it was 3am) and he started emailing me like crazy and blowing up my phone begging to come to my place. I said no, good night, bye.

I feel really weird this morning. Like what happened was a dream. I feel guilty even though nothing happened really.

Why would a married person do something like that? Eurgh!

Just ignore him. He sounds like a bit of an idiot, and people don't magically stop being an idiot just because they get married. He'll sober up and either be embarrassed or act as if nothing happened - I doubt it's anything more than a drunken pass.

The phrase "blowing up my phone" made me laugh though - that and the cocaine makes it sound as if your Christmas do was in some kind of American teen drama!

You handled it well. Now pretend it never happened. Next time leave the party earlier before it all gets so messy.

The joys of the Xmas party!

Wide berth for him, forget it ever happened.

Was he using a work email address? Not sure why he'd have your private one. I hope you took screen shots of the messages and texts. Keep them. You might need them if this gets awkward.

Now just give him a wide berth and put it down to drunken stupidity and bad judgement on his part. If he refuses to let it drop, let him know you have those screen shots and emails and he needs to pull himself together before you are forced to show them to HR.

Urgh how seedy. You reacted exactly as you should.

I agree with showing your manager/HR asking them to take note of it but do nothing. Then if it does come back to haunt you, you have covered your back.

Oh that's pretty bad. How do you feel today?

Normally I would encourage you to report it to HR if you felt he might make your workplace difficult, but it sounds as if you are worried that you would unfairly face the repurcussions, due to his wife's position. Is there anyone you trust that you could talk to in confidence?
(And maybe keep the phone records in case you need to defend yourself)

Do you work in my company? Literally the exact same thing happened to me.

I spoke (informally) to HR and she suggested I speak to him directly. He was mortified. I told him it wasn’t appropriate etc etc and if he did it again I’d make it formal.

Scumbags the lot of them.

I wouldn't report it to HR, just archive the emails just in case.

Following up from my Friday OP, I assumed MM was going to be embarrassed the next morning and avoid me, or perhaps even apologize. Think again!

He proceeded to text me/ email me all day long (I did not reply), kept coming to my department with random excuses (I have never seen him in my department ever before), and even waited for me outside of the bathroom to chat me up in the corridor. Ugh!

He's got such a nerve. I think I will have to report him if he doesn't stop soon.

Reply to him never to contact you again and leave you alone or you will have to speak to HR.

Yuk. What a piece of work.

I agree.
Just reply to leave you alone or report to HR. Even police, actually. It's harassment if he continues after you make it clear it's unwanted.

harrassment in the workplace is a serious issue... take this straight to HR.. dont wait until anything else happens.

please speak out..... you'll be doing his next potential victim a favour.

does the ME Too campaign mean nothing to you?

Go to HR. Both for the inappropriate behaviour and the offer of drugs, which he could be doing in the toilets of the workplace for all you know (instead of a man at work who takes a long time who may be self-pleasuring).

HR now. Tell them you are considering the police. Make sure you have evidence- screen shots etc. Consider telling the police.

His behaviour is appalling, and I think you need to get 'official' with him to protect yourself.

Honestly, you need to be pretty delusional to pursue a colleague when you are married to a woman who works in the same company. That is professional suicide!

please speak out..... you'll be doing his next potential victim a favour.

does the ME Too campaign mean nothing to you?

I hate the argument that as a woman, you are somehow personally responsible for a man’s actions to someone else

This is not what the #metoo movement is about and it’s incredibly unfair to pressure OP

Yuck.

If you decide to speak with HR, remember that they represent the company, not you. You can legitimately expect them to also protect you from a hostile environment, and by so doing to protect the company, but if it's a small company and the offenders are at the very top, or even if it's a larger company, they could potentially face pressures to protect the offender and the company's reputation.

Don't assume the worst, but do prepare for it.

Keep your own, personal copies of everything relevant, so long as you remove anything that is company-confidential. Take notes about interactions with the offender including date, time and place, and any witnesses. If you can afford it, seek advice from a lawyer who works for you, and only you. If you cannot there are probably charities who can give knowledgeable advice on this type of situation. Put yourself in a strong legal position: ideally you don't want to end up having to go to court, but this could still improve your leverage in any sort of settlement.

If it were me, I would also freshen up my CV and network and start trying to create an option to exit on my terms and timing, not theirs. Even if you have every right to remain right where you are, life is too short to stay in an unpleasant environment for longer than you have to. Maybe it'll get better and you won't need to use such options, but it cannot hurt to have them. If you were to end up getting another offer, you could still choose to turn it down and stay in place. And if you did decide to leave, it would not be a cop-out - you could also make sure you let them know exactly why you left, either during your exit interview or once you are comfortably settled in somewhere that this sort of crap does not occur. From what you said about the person's brazen behaviour I'd bet they've done similar things before.