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Original poster

Boy smacked daughter's bottom

28 replies

GosteadyEddie · 13/12/2018 21:15

DD (7) came home today and said she was playing with her friend when two boys (yr 3) came up. She said one of them smacked her on the bottom and the other called her 'African girl'. (she's mixed race).
It's an almost all white school and DD 1 and 2 and their younger brother (though mostly DD2 as she is darker perhaps) have had a lot of unwelcome comments regarding colour. It's clearly upsetting for dd2 especially.
Anyway, I just wondered if I should say anything or just put the smacking her bum thing down to kid's play. It's really annoyed me as the boys are not her friends and older than her but on the other hand I know kids are just kids.

I've had enough of it tbh, dd coming home upset many times. She is quite quiet and works hard but I am seriously considering moving in the summer to a big town/city where she can feel more integrated.

OP posts:
t1mum3 · 13/12/2018 21:25

That is totally unacceptable. Especially with the African girl comment. Please talk to the school. How have they been with the other incidents?

silkpyjamasallday · 13/12/2018 21:28

The bum smacking is not just kids being kids, and you should 100% go to the school about it. It isn't fair for your DD to feel harrassed at school, because of some horrid boys not having boundaries instilled. Have you spoken to the school about how your DC are being spoken to regarding race before? If not I think it is time to do so, and if you have spoken to them have they done anything about it? My DD is mixed race and we are staying in the city and giving up free childcare with a family member in our hometown so that she will be among a more diverse peer group. DP experienced a lot of racism as a mixed race child and teen in a very white area and I don't want that for DD.

Original poster
GosteadyEddie · 13/12/2018 21:32

t1 I wrote a letter in just a few weeks ago (actually my first letter regarding comments). DD had been told she should go back to Africa with the African choir who were there. (DD is actually half African but has never been to Africa and her father has lived here all his life).
My eldest has been called a 'black weirdo' amongst other things by other kids and it just goes on and on.
The teacher read my letter and apparently passed it on. DD and the girl in question were spoken to (dd told me) but I never heard anything after that nor did the teacher approach me about it. I am glad they spoke to them though.
It's a hard decision as the children do have friends here and they are working well at school (although it's not a great school and rated 'needs improvement for the past 10 years!) but I feel we can't stay here with this going on all the time because it is affecting the way dd2 thinks about herself.

OP posts:
Original poster
GosteadyEddie · 13/12/2018 21:35

Thanks Silk, I think you are right and I don't think people understand how much it taunts them in these types of communities. Her father and I are separated and he still lives in London, I am priced out of going back there but thinking more towards Cardiff area where I studied years ago.

OP posts:
t1mum3 · 13/12/2018 21:35

They should have followed up with you. I would ask for a meeting to discuss this latest incident and how they are going to handle it and the past incidents. It’s really not ok.

Original poster
GosteadyEddie · 13/12/2018 21:39

:(

OP posts:
Joey2412 · 13/12/2018 21:41

It's 2018, this is absolutely not ok. Feel for you OP, so hard to think of your kids being taunted. You should definitely arrange a meeting with the school, it's not like it's a first incident

donajimena · 13/12/2018 21:42

I know racism still exists but I was utterly shocked to read what your daughter has endured. I was just thinking how lucky I am not to have witnessed this in my home city. Guess where I live OP?
I'm not saying it never happens but I have a lot of experience working in schools and I have not experienced this.

Original poster
GosteadyEddie · 13/12/2018 21:43

Thanks Joey, I really regret bringing them here. (my mum lives here and was only close contact when we split) and I feel guilty to have put them in this situation.

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 13/12/2018 21:44

That is absolutely vile, if my kid had said something like that to a little one when he was at school I'd have been so ashamed. Shouldn't be smacking bums either.

What kind of a school do they go to and where? I live in a London suburb and no-one notices race, it is so multicultural here.

Honestly I am well shocked.

Please do complain.

Original poster
GosteadyEddie · 13/12/2018 21:47

Where donaj? please tell Grin It is shocking isn't it? And as a white mum when people feel free to say what they like to you (not knowing you have mixed kids) it's even worse. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
GosteadyEddie · 13/12/2018 21:49

Jess large primary (500+) in rural (ish) location. Somerset

OP posts:
donajimena · 13/12/2018 21:49

I'm in Cardiff! I'm not naive enough to say there is no racism but our history as a seaport makes it a very diverse welcoming city.

Mummyshark2018 · 13/12/2018 21:50

Absolutely unacceptable behaviour by those children towards yours. Well done for raising it. At least at the young age of children you're talking about with education and guidance their despicable attitudes can hopefully change.

Original poster
GosteadyEddie · 13/12/2018 21:52

Donaj, We are stuck in Somerset at the moment. I could not afford Bristol prices and I don't know the city at all. I'd love to come back to Cardiff if I could.

OP posts:
Original poster
GosteadyEddie · 13/12/2018 21:54

Thanks mummy, it's becoming much clearer to me how unacceptable it is.

OP posts:
SimplySteve · 13/12/2018 21:55

This is not "boys being boys" and you shouldn't take it from the school. Don't be surprised if said boys receive no punishment, even a "quiet word".

moredoll · 13/12/2018 21:57

Write again, with a copy of the first letter if possible, to the Headteacher copying in the Chair of the governors.
This kind.of behaviour is totally unacceptable. The school's policy. on bullying and racism should be outlined on the website. No wonder Ofsted thinks it needs improvement. Even if you decide to move, this school still needs to get its act together.

Mummyshark2018 · 13/12/2018 22:02

Agree that if you don't get the resolution you want contact the chair of governors. I'm a school governor and bullying/ anti-discrimination is a regular item in our agenda. I would absolutely want to know if this wasn't been resolved by school staff .

Original poster
GosteadyEddie · 13/12/2018 22:07

Thanks Mummy, Moredoll. I'd like to know at least if the incidents are being recorded.

OP posts:
smartcarnotsosmartdriver · 13/12/2018 22:10

That's absolutely horrible but sadly I'm not surprised. I live in a "poor" are where the vast majority of people are white. I had a friend come to stay who's parents are Asian and I got to see first hand how people looked at her. It was really shocking. The school should be taking this much more seriously.

smartcarnotsosmartdriver · 13/12/2018 22:10

I have worded that really strangely, I hope you know what I mean I'm not sure I know what I mean.

Original poster
GosteadyEddie · 13/12/2018 22:15

I know what you mean smart! :) Flowers

OP posts:
Babymamamama · 13/12/2018 22:25

This is unacceptable on many levels. Racist but also sexist and invading her personal space. No matter how young they are the boys need to be dealt with and their parents informed. Don't for a minute feel you have to move. This needs to be addressed by the head teacher.

ExcitedForChristmas18 · 13/12/2018 22:29

This is absolutely appalling!!
They have heard racist words obviously off their parents. Babies aren't born racist!! I don't care what age they are, it's not acceptable!
We live in a very small village with only white people, so my son has never really seen other races much apart from his two mixed raced cousins, when they come to visit. He has never ever mentioned once, the colour of their skin..why would he?!
I would be absolutely mortified if he did!
You have to put a stop to this, and don't stop until you get results. Nobody should have to deal with this, nevermind an innocent little child!

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