Appropriate Gift for Host

[NameChangeToAvoidBeingFound]

Hey I need some advice. I'm visiting a friend for his birthday at his family home (he lives with his parents and siblings still) and I have no idea of the etiquette for giving a gift to the hosts.

I'm a decent baker so I'm thinking I'll take him some homemade cookies and fudge that he likes. I'll take him a christmas card made out to him and family because I'll be there literally a couple of days before christmas. I know the typical thing is to take wine but I have no idea what decent wine is and nor can I afford what they would consider decent wine to be. So maybe some fancy chocolates from somewhere, I can't take flowers because I'm allergic and would break out while traveling. I also don't want to go overboard as there's a few of us going and I have no idea what/if they're taking anything so I really just need a nice token gift really.

He and I have a complex relationship (we're somewhere between friends and dating) and this will be the first time I've met his parents and siblings so I need to at least not make a terrible impression and I'm already at a disadvantage because his family are very, very upper middle class, while I've never lived above the poverty line. So what he and I consider normal or typical is very different. And I'm a little worried about the visit anyway.

Oh I forgot before, so please can I say right now to knock that class thing on the head? It matters not a jot,honestly. You've good manners,you're obviously a great baker (so he won't go hungry,will he?) and you're the friend he wants to be with. Relax and have a lovely time.

Let us know how it goes

@AviatorShades, the class thing doesn't usually bother me tbh. It is what it is, but when it comes down to how to behave in certain situations there is a confidence/ability that comes with being middle class. Certain situations are so far out of my comfort zone it's ridiculous, I know he doesn't care but I can't help feeling like I'm being judged. My confidence isn't great and I do think that he is way out of my league half the time (the other half I think he's a pain in the arse and a difficult git ). There's no chance of him going hungry generally he's a competent cook but he definitely enjoys the fact that I back and cook for pleasure and to de-stress, my sister joked that I'd better stop feeding him cookies or he'd get too fat to play Hockey

@Reallybadidea, for sure I'll be updating. It's sure to be interesting, for definite I know that our mutual friend is also going and she's always amused at what we get up to. Her most recent 'game' is counting how many times she notices him looking down my shirt (not a game I like ), how many hight jokes he and I make (There's a foot and a half between us in height) and how often we prod/poke or annoy each other, or how many times she wants to hit us for bickering. He also thinks I'll like his parents, so it'll be interesting meeting them.

Yup, go for hand made treats.

OP are his family aware of your autism diagnosis? I just wondered because it could possibly make it simpler for you all. They are presumably all aware of the challenge of socialising with new people for people on the spectrum, because they have experienced it in their own family.
One of my kids is autistic. When he brings friends back home to stay over (who are often autistic too) we try to make things as easy as possible for them (letting them know schedules and plans ahead of time, explaining how we do stuff in our house, giving them access to a quiet space away from family craziness). It would be reasonable for you to ask your friend to help with this.

@Deeedeeee, I'm not sure if they're aware of it. I have no idea what he's told them. He's just as likely to have mentioned it in passing as he is to have not said anything at all. Chances are if he hasn't he will while I'm there when I inevitably do something odd, or I'm likely to mention it in conversation. It's not something I'm shy to admit. I'm certain his family will be nice and pleasant enough, but my own anxiety is enough that I work everything out of proportion because my mind is nice like that. If nothing else I'll use him as a human security blanket, which I do fairly regularly, and my best friend is going as well so I'll use her if he's busy , she finds it endlessly amusing that I hate being touched generally (by strangers) and I allow hugs, but when I'm stressed or overwhelmed or in a crowded place I become so clingy that I basically attach myself to whoever I'm with and refuse to let go until I'm calmer and even then I'm likely to remain hugging or touching them in someway. So yeah, he's invited me to a stressful situation, he can deal with me needing physical contact and reassurance. He's dealt with it before, without an issue although not in front of his parents though we did end up physically wrestling and rolling around fighting each other for a torch in front of my mum (before he picked me up and dropped me on the sofa and sat on my legs).