Moving bullied daughter to a new school mid year

[Distraught2018]

My 15 yr old daughter has never been popular . She struggles to keep friendships and is kept on the fringes of the groups by being given just enough crumbs to keep her hanging just in case she is needed as a spare person to go to an event with etc. We have tried everything over time but nothing has really worked. She dips in and out of friendship groups and has been content with that. However, she hates her school, hates her class and her faux friends . She goes to an all girls academic school at my insistence as the alternative is huge , she can be quite immature, school is impersonal and sports driven and o felt she needed more discipline . She has experienced low level bullying for the last year and a half . Name calling, pulling hair, pushing, isolation etc. I informed the school but they couldn’t do anything g. The girl in question lies blatantly to principal teachers and generally has absolutely no fear of authority . She has got away with so much . A few days ago, it all came to a head for my daughter. The other girl started shouting and screaming into her face about an ongoing minor dispute . My daughter fled the room out of fear, shame and embarrassment crying inconsolably . Physically this girl is huge so I think my daughter was also fearful of what she was capable of . She rang me hysterically shouting.. ‘ get me out of here please, I beg you’ my sister collected her and brought her home . School rang me and I went off on a rant about this girl having free reign for the last year and a half so my expectations of anything being done are very low. I agreed to meet with them tomorrow . In the meantime, the police have been brought in to talk about bullying and principal teacher brought said bully out of class. I’ve heard nothing since . My dilemma here is... do I move her to be with her core group of friends even though it’s mid year, a huge move, no guarantee of working out, nowhere else to go sit this doesn’t work either . I really just need opinions and perspectives and guidance and I’d appreciate it very much

Ah what a horrible experience for you and your poor DD! I’m sure someone will have better advice than me but I couldn’t read and run.

You say she’s 15- has she started her GCSEs? THe options she has chosen may not be possible in the other school so that’s something to think about.

Has she said she wants to move, or does she think it will get better now the bully has been removed from her class?

I guess one upside is that school will break up in a week or so for Christmas so you have time to think about it.

The bully hasn’t been removed. The head came in and took her out to talk to her. She has pleaded to go to the other school from day one and again started begging to be moved . The other school provides a bigger option of subject. Right now it’s her mental health that is my priority , not academic grades . She is not academic anyway and needs help so that’s why I thought a smaller school would have been a better fit without distraction of sport and boys

I don't understand what do you mean by core group of friends? So she has got a group of friends just at another school?

Bullying is extremely destructive and recent research indicates it can be more damaging than sexual abuse!

Move her, don't even think about it.

The main group that she hangs around with at the moment are in the other school . She has been friends with them for years.. again.. dipping in and out. What if all that goes wrong too and she falls out with them???

Yes, I would move her too. If it all goes wrong again (which I don’t think it will) the school sounds big enough that she will find other friends.

It could go wrong again but a bigger school means a bigger pool of friends. In my experience of school and talking with others single sex girls schools seem to be more "bitchy" and cliquey than mixed schools (I am assuming the other school is mixed). I went to a mixed and have compared notes with friends who went to single sex.

Not to say no bullying goes on in mixed schools and there of course no guarantees but she is being bullied in the school she is in and the school is not doing anything about it by the sounds of it.

Move her. I would start as you mean to go on in the new school. Explain she has been the target of bullies before. Ask what their bullying policy is. And if the worse happens, go into the school each and every time there is an incident and ask for action. EVERY TIME! Try not to get angry or upset. Just ask them to apply their anti bullying policy every time there is an incident. Be calm but assertive and insistent and clear.