start?!
I've been with my boyfriend 10 months and am 10 weeks pregnant with our first together. I'm guessing this should be a happy time in anyone's life? Sadly not for me. Dont get me wrong, I can't wait to be a mummy but my life with my boyfriend is a rocky one. If you asked him, he would say it's my fault. 100% me. I apparently start arguments, I annoy him, I wind him up, he's told me I'm lazy (apparently you just need to get on with it in your first trimester), I need to get my hormones under control and "it's rubbish that you are effected by hormone changes when pregnant". The list is endless
Some history behind us. We through our sons being friends a few years ago (although his son isn’t his, the mum doesn’t want him) but he seems obssesed with this child and makes out he does nothing wrong and Ive had relationships where I'd been cheated on. We soon clicked and got on we'll and started a relationship. It was apparent that he didn't have any close friends but is someone they enjoys his own company which is fine with me. I have lost a lot of friends through him well everyone we may as well say.
He has a temper the only thing that keeps him calm is weed. He gets caught up in the small stuff that he creates into big stuff. Arguments are generally started by him. I have around 20% of an input to arguments where he says the rest. I generally get told I have no point to what I'm saying and he continues with his very valid points hmm! I generally cry as I get so upset by his shouting and things he says and am the one who always apologises because it's never his fault. I've learnt not to voice how I feel as much as it's fuel to his angry fire and instead listen to him, say very little and apologise. On the occasions I call out his wrongdoing I get accused of deflecting blame and it's not him that's wrong. He never apologises. I think he is socially awkward through a lack of friends and this in turn means he doesn't know how to behave around people and I am everything to him. Wife, best friends, general friends. He doesn't believe in getting close to friends and thinks I am too dependent on my friends. He gets frustrated if I get a text and want to reply straight away and I have to ask if I can have anyone visit me at home, but no one actually comes round anymore anyway.
I’m too scared of being on my own to leave him, I think all he really cares about is this baby and doesn’t love me at all (he says I’m his world and couldn’t live without me)
He tells me how rubbish my mum and dad are to me, but how wonderful his mum is (she kicked him out when we got together) not the first time either.
I want to make it work but how can I talk to my boyfriend when he won't let me it listen and not think I'm making excuses. I just want to explain how I feel?!