Would this be weird, and if not how would you go about it?

[Chelsea26]

I’ve been with my BF for 7 months and it’s his birthday in January. I’d really like to book a weekend away for us and I’d really like it to be a surprise as a) he’s away working over his actual birthday so a really nice present will cheer him up, and b) if it’s not all booked and paid for he’ll insist on paying half!

I can sort his time off work as I know his boss but he has two daughters and because he and his ex are both freelance their custody arrangements are quite fluid.

For background, they’ve been separated 8 years and have a good friendly relationship. She knows about me and has no problem at all but we’ve never met and probably won’t for a long time as we live far apart and there’s no need. I’ve met their daughters and she knows and is fine with this too.

So basically would it be weird if I contacted her and checked that she could have the girls on the weekend that I’m planning to book?

And if it’s not weird should I get her number off of his phone and text direct or would you go through the girls and ask them to see if she’s mind me texting her first? The girls are 14 and 12.

I think that would be weird and I'd be very uncomfortable if a boyfriend of 7 months did similar to me.

Introducing you to his ex and his childcare arrangements with her, are very much his concern and may well be areas of sensitivity / difficulty. I'd be really annoyed if a new partner went blundering around without my consent in issues involving my kids.

I'd also find my employer being contacted on my behalf really unprofessional and be mortified about it at work. Plus it's really your boyfriend's choice how he uses up his holiday allowance - not yours.

Bum-clenchingly weird!

Yeah that's weird, and a sure way to turn a "she's fine with me has no problems" situation to a "she just don't seem to like me" one.

Plus would he be happy about you arranging his childcare, or contacting his boss? I don't think my DP would have been.

It is weird I’m afraid! I’m in a similar situation and I’ve met my partner’s ex - we’ve been together over two years, but I still never speak to her without my partner knowing/present/unless I have to.

What I do is tell him the dates, but then leave everything else as a surprise. We can’t be as spontaneous as i’d like us to be, but it’s just our own version I guess.

What I do is tell him the dates, but then leave everything else as a surprise.

This. It's what I've always done with my DH.

Yes, sort the dates with him and don't contact her yourself in secret. I'd maybe say different if you were several years in and/or had met her, but it's far too new a relationship for that.