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Original poster

What would you think if a boss said this?

22 replies

Workdilemma1 · 11/12/2018 23:11

NC for this.

Just wondering how people would feel about the following situation. There is a small team in an office, and for the past few weeks the manager of said team has been arriving late, seeming stressed and hinting at some health issues. The manager compiles the rotas so will not be pulled up on their lateness as they choose the hours themselves.

Them being out of the office does increase the workload for other team members but not to an unmanageable degree. Today staff arrive and are told the manager won’t be in work this week as they are not well. That evening, one of the staff members, who is the deputy, receives a message from manager apologising for their absence and explaining briefly that the reason for them not being there is they have mental health issues but hope to be back in a week.

Would you think less of the manager for saying that, or feel they might be incompetent as a boss? How would you feel if you received a message like that from your boss?

OP posts:

flossietoot · 11/12/2018 23:13

I would be worried about them and try to be supportive

undeecided · 11/12/2018 23:13

I would feel compassionate. It wouldn't change my opinion of them as a manager, good or bad.

Ethel80 · 11/12/2018 23:14

Why would I think less of a manager because they have a mental health problem? It's not a character flaw, it's an illness.

As for the message sent, I guess it's down to the manager whether they share why they're off sick but it's good that they could be honest.

Ethel80 · 11/12/2018 23:15

I hope that honesty is met with kindness and support.

TokyoSushi · 11/12/2018 23:15

I'd respect them for their honesty and feel worried about/compassionate towards them.

if it's you OP

HollowTalk · 11/12/2018 23:15

If I were a manager I wouldn't tell my staff why I was off sick. "Not well" is enough, surely?

Babdoc · 11/12/2018 23:18

I’d be worried that a week is far too soon to return to work with almost any mental health issue. There are no treatments that work that quickly.
I hope the staff would be supportive and encourage the person to take more sick leave if required.

SpoonBlender · 11/12/2018 23:25

As a manager, when mum died and after the initial few days off to sort things out (a bit! There's a lot, who knew) I was okay for a bit then folded and had to take another week off. I told the team I was off for mental health reasons. They were lovely about it.

Good on anyone who can feel confident enough in others to say it, even when suffering.

Oddsocksandmeatballs · 11/12/2018 23:31

I think the message is unnecessary, it is no-one's business but yours if you have mental health problems and the manager should afford themself the same right to privacy as the rest of the team when it comes to why they are off sick.

Original poster

Workdilemma1 · 11/12/2018 23:32

Ok I’ll come clean, I am the boss here. I’m paranoid they’ll think I’m not the kind of person they want to work for, or not take me seriously. The reason I came clean is because I didn’t want the staff thinking my lateness/stress etc was down to flakiness, and also in our job without revealing too much there is an element of publicly speaking about ourselves and if anyone were to google me they could easily find id spoken publicly about having mental health issues. I do believe honesty helps break down the stigma as well but I’m doubting myself. My boss has been very supportive though. Thanks everyone

OP posts:

Fluffyears · 11/12/2018 23:34

If they said they were off due to something wrong with their kidneys would you be bothered. Grow up and find out some proper facts before judging people, we all have mental health and sometimes it’s poor. The brain is an organ like any other and can have things go wrong.

MrsTommyBanks · 11/12/2018 23:34

I'd feel nothing but compassion. MH issues are awful to live with.

MrsTommyBanks · 11/12/2018 23:37

Workdilemma1 be kind to yourself. I have MH issues to and it's too easy to beat yourself up. You need time to recover, and that's ok.
I hope you feel better soon

Topseyt · 11/12/2018 23:39

I would be concerned about them and would hope that everyone else would also be supportive.

I have a DD with severe mental health issues. She is capable of putting on an act to cover it to the outside world quite a lot of the time, but every so often will get to a state of being unable to cope. We are getting help, but it is a slow and frustrating process.

Original poster

Workdilemma1 · 11/12/2018 23:48

Fluffyears did you see I’m the boss...

OP posts:

Fluffyears · 11/12/2018 23:55

Yes after you had said the opposite. This is why people hate reverses. Apologies but if you’d been truthful I would have aimed my response accordingly.

Original poster

Workdilemma1 · 12/12/2018 00:20

Wasn’t intending to be a reverse, I just didn’t want to reveal my involvement at first as I wanted honest responses

OP posts:

Fluffyears · 12/12/2018 00:22

Yes, you got my response to someone who seemed judgmental about poor mental health which crossed with you revealing it was a reverse and it seemed to upset you. This is the danger of avteberse as I would have been more sympathetic and supportive of you’d been open and honest. If we want the stigma to end we need to be open about mental health problems.

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 12/12/2018 00:29

How are you doing now, do you have support?

Original poster

Workdilemma1 · 12/12/2018 01:26

Thanks why yes I’m alright, I’m staying with family for a few days. My boss and a particular colleague who already knew about my problems have been really supportive. I’m just getting FOMO now about missing the Xmas do but I know I need this time off to get my brain in order.

OP posts:

pallisers · 12/12/2018 01:38

it wasn't a reverse. the OP simply asked what we would feel/think. You assumed it was an employee posting, fluff, but there was nothing in the OP to indicate this and no judgement about mental health issues. The judgement came from you.

OP, I have had colleagues/bosses etc say they had mh issues and needed a break. ditto physical issues. I would just wish them well and a speedy recovery.

turnipsaretheonlyveg · 12/12/2018 02:05

OP my DH is a senior bod in corporate life, he has had a couple of depressive incidents and taken time off. At the time I was a bit worried about judgement from others at his work, it didn't come. His career continued to develop and grow. He is now very open about it to encourage and support others who might be in the same place.
Please don't stress about this.

Flip