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Currently in sofa feeling miserable...

6 replies

Needadoughnut · 11/12/2018 11:34

I'm highly emotional (my period should here any minute now!) Have been TTC for the past five months, one chemical and that's it. Could be my thyroid, need to wait if that's the culprit. I can't think about anything else , I actually see lines where there's obviously nothing. DP says wellaybe we should take a break and if we can't have our own children, well there's always our children from orevy relationships. I woke up crying because I've never been the centre of the universe to my DD, her granny is. I remember my mum was everything to me, never understand why it can't be that way for her. All crafty things they do at school are for granny and pops, never me. DP asked me why I wanted a baby and apart from the obvious reasons I want to have a child to whom I'm everything. No real job (although very promising interview on Thursday). I adore my DP he loves me back. I have no real, close friends. I know that I'll get zero cards this season. Thanks for reading I'm just having a very, very shitty day.

OP posts:
Stephisaur · 11/12/2018 11:38

Sending a HUGE hug to you. That sounds truly shitty. How old is your DD? I’m sure she means nothing by it when she prioritises nanny and grandad.

I really hope you’re able to conceive a healthy baby soon xx

Needadoughnut · 11/12/2018 11:45

@Stephi she's 8. Shear actually said she loves her granny more :( and she'd rather be with her. She's always been that way though. When she was smaller and I used to travel for work she'd never call me to tell me she misses me. Everything had to be forcedor prompted by her dad.

OP posts:
MorningsEleven · 11/12/2018 12:01

I think taking a break would be a good idea so you can explore why you need to be the centre of someone's universe.

Needadoughnut · 11/12/2018 12:52

I know I'm being emotional but surely that's a bit mean?

OP posts:
SassitudeandSparkle · 11/12/2018 14:03

It's not a winning formula, IMO, to make your own happiness dependent on someone else doing something.

That's a lot of pressure to put on a child OP - I want to have a child to whom I'm everything - that's not what children are for. I don't think that's going to help you at the moment to have that as an idea of what will make you happy. There was a thread recently about having an idea ('if I have this, life will be right') and how it's not true for a lot of people.

Needadoughnut · 11/12/2018 14:12

Ohno I don't think having a child who's closer to me will make me happy. I do want a second chance as I think I somehow failed with my first. My "unhappiness" is due to things that I can't change or haven't been able to over the years. I don't like where I live, but I can't move because I have shared custody of my DD. I've tried time and again to make friends and unfortunately always fail to make any new ones. I never thought TTC would be so hard on me. I was extremely naïve about it.

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