Help 4year olds behaviour has changed dramatically 😢

[Mazie1234]

My little boy turn 4 in September and it seem as if he has changed so much got bad attitude hits me his dad and himself tell us we make him angry all because we say no to him 🙈. He used to go to bed so well always slept through now all of a sudden he is scared to fall to sleep (I have asked him why he sed nightmares so changed his room around got him a nightlight asked if anything in his room scares him he sed he was ok now) but still says he is scared to sleep he can still be up at 1-2 am. When he does go off he sleeps through. Could the lack of sleep be affecting he behaviour any help advice I just don’t no what else to do I have tried everything. From moving his routine to earlier getting him a clock so he can see what bath story bedtime he loved but still won’t go to sleep. Xx

Has he started nursery yet? I noticed a big change when mine started nursery. I think its a big shake up in their little worlds and be quite unsettling in many ways for them.

He has been at nursery for 2years now they say he is doing really well and his behaviour is great there 🙈 x

It might be that he longs for the attention from his parents even more when he is home now though. My boy got really clingy when he started nursery.

I have a 4 year old ds who I could have written this about. Even the being scared to go to sleep. He's almost 5 though and in reception. He says he can't control himself when he gets angry! I mentioned to his teacher about the going to sleep and she had a word and he been fine since, I think he was doing it for attention! When he gets angry I have tried not arguing with him or getting cross myself, instead I calmly sit him on my knee and sort of restrain him with a cuddle. He calms down so fast like that. I honestly think his brain gets a bit overloaded and he's frustrated. It's difficult though when they are shouting and hitting, you need the patience of a Saint don't you!

It’s horrible he is such a good boy and the 7 pm come and it’s a battle every night then the same battle in the morning because he is still tried yet says he isn’t I am o e very tried mummy dealing with him work and home life 😢😢 I just don’t no wat else to try he has an answer for everything xx

Try and make bedtime exciting. Does he like to be read bedtime stories? Bedtime story telling normally leads to tiredness.

Is 7pm bedtime? Seems a bit early. Or the start of 'bedtime routine'? Apparently (I read recently) the whole bedtime routine thing (bath, quiet time, reading etc) just makes bedtime this loooong dragged out 3 hour event and by the time you say "go to sleep now" they are wide awake and buzzing.

He has his bath at 7 then I want him in bed and asleep by 8 🙈 never works I have tried everything reading to him but he prefers to read to me or tell me story’s he is very strong minded. He does not have his pad after 630 as it’s tea time and then gives him a good 2 hours to settle down but he mind is still on the go 😢 x

Try not putting him to bed so early.
Blanket and snuggles on sofa as soon as he comes out of the bath, as he should already be sleepy.
Think being tired effects children so much at his age. Also fear of missing out...

Is he just too tired by 7pm? My oldest is just 5 and needs to be asleep by then. She'd be a hitting, screaming misery if I left it till 7 to take her up.

Unless he is covered in mud or paint he doesn't need a bath every day.

Bathtime can make some children relaxed and sleepy - but some children wide awake and bouncing off the walls .

Lack of sleep will definitely impact his behaviour - think of how much you struggle as an adult without enough sleep, it’s worse for kids. My little one is 5 and needs to be asleep by 7 or he gets overtired and can’t soothe himself at all. Last year by this time of the week he’d be taking himself off to bed around 6.30. I think so often lack of sleep “second wind” is interpreted by adults as them not being tired when actually they’re on their knees.

Try bringing his bedtime routine forward a little, keep very simple and consistent. My two don’t get screens after 5.00 to help them destress from the stimulation and blue light so they can settle to sleep.

It’s hard but children really need to be taught how to recognise that they need sleep and how to soothe and settle themselves off to sleep. He’ll be able to cope much better with a good nights sleep under his belt.

He doesn’t have a bath every night as that can be struggle at times depending on how he is feeling. I have tried early bed times late bed time stay with him let him stay with me reading cuddles you name it he just says he is scared to sleep and wen you think he has gone you go up to toilet and nope he is wide awake asking if it’s morning yet it’s just so not him as he has had a routine since he was born we had a time wen he had to sleep back in my room but got him back in his now this. 😢 he is great in the day just morning can be a battle coz of the triedness also same at night getting very frustrated as don’t no wat else to do but feel for him if he is scared to sleep but once he is asleep he can sleep n never wakes up till morning so that makes me think it can’t be nightmares as am sure he would wake up (and I hear him laughing in his sleep) 😂🙈 x

the very few rare times he goes to bed on time I try n do 8pm to 8am and when he wakes up I ways make a fuss of how much better does he feel after have a good nights sleep which he say yes to but then back to sleep is bad 😭

Totally remove his iPad for a bit. Try minimise TV. Get him to help you with things and engage him (it's tough when you're knackered from work too but found this helped loads when we were in a similar position).

Try get outside after dinner even just for half an hour. Walk to the corner shop or round the block.

A countdown to bedtime really helped us too, draw up a chart (get him to help you) and tick off or put a sticker in the box as you go along.

Can be super simple but helps visualise that bedtime is coming up. Also all children are different but 8pm bedtime would be so late for my DC at that age.

Dinner
Walk
Tidy up
Bath
PJs
Story
Lights out

We also used bedtime stories on a podcast for DD to listen to, as she claimed it was being alone that was scaring her. Bedtime FM and Story Shed work for us. You can make a playlist (omit any with witches/trolls!) and has helped us bridge a gap between story and lights out and falling asleep.

The anxiety of trying to get to sleep and feeling scared sent DD into wild meltdowns, and now she's happy to go to bed.

Good luck

Also forgot, on our list we had

Drink/snack/toilet

So these could be ticked off the countdown and then don't need to start asking once in bed.

Have you tried soothing lights? There are lots of projectors about (read reviews on them, some are rubbish!(

Can he talk about why he’s scared to go to sleep? Maybe stories about princesses who never wake up have scared him, or his understanding of what sleep is is changing as he gets older, or he doesn’t know where you are or what you do while he’s asleep?

We have a regular, sane way of saying goodnight every night, a bit of a rhyme that includes see you in the morning so they know I’m still going to be here. I’ll also talk about looking in on them during the night so they know I still look after them while they’re sleeping. It helps my anxious two to know that they’re safe, mummy is going to be close by etc.