Help please! My clingy baby is making me depressed.

[Clingon]

She's my 3rd . I haven't experienced clinginess like this with my other 2 and it's been nearly 9m now and I'm at my wit's end. I think I'm becoming depressed.

I can't do anything. I can't go out. I have to hold her everywhere. She won't even stay in the same room as me. She just wants to be held all the time. I do literally everything with her on my arms. It's doing my back in. She's getting too heavy now even in a sling for long periods. Everyday is a blur into another day. I don't do anything. She sleeps in my arms. She cries once I put her down. I've tried White noise, rockers, crying it out for a bit. Everything.

It's getting me so so down. I think I'm depressed. I want my life back how it was last year. I was happy. I had freedom and I was happy. It's all gone now and looks like I won't be getting it back for a long time. When I wake up in the morning I just dread the day. I just think oh god not again. I don't want to wake up.

What can I do? I'm really worried about my mental health getting worse. When I had her I was so happy and gave her so much of my time and was so patient with her but she never improved. She's a nightmare at night too but is slowly improving.

If you aren't managing her in a sling and she has no interest in television, my youngest GD likes Just Dance Videos on YouTube, then it's about researching cry-it-out and doing that.

Wear headphones if it helps.

Tbh, I just got on with it, so did others that I know, because nothing worked, but we generally had help. Also all the babies concerned were at this stage in summer and were better when out.

You can't risk your MH.

Have you tried taking her to a children's osteopath? It could be down to her feeling more comfortable when she's being held? Or secondly maybe a good quality sling would help?

She's a bit hit and miss in the pushchair. Some days she will scream even thought there's nothing wrong and then be completely fine once at home and then there's other times she's ok but most often it stresses me out just going out as I don't know how she will be.

isitfridayyet1 I haven't thought about an osteopath. O don't really know much about that. Are they specialist ones or would any osteopath know?

I really sympathise, OP. My DD was awful, i couldn't put her down to do anything. She would scream if held by anyone else. I started making time for myself, eg going for a massage once a month, spending an evening out a couple of times a month so my DH just had to suck up having a whiney baby to look after. It got better, but honestly i didn't enjoy the first year much at all.

Does she not take any interest in playing with anything?

A cranial osteopath is what you want, best to find a personal recommendation as it’s it’s not a very regulated area.

Can you back carry with your sling? I found that brilliant as it gives the baby the physical closeness they need but you have your arms free and more headspace.

It does sound like you’re struggling, but I’m wondering if there is any chance these feelings came before the clinging behaviour rather than being “caused” by it?
As you have 3 children I don’t imagine for a minute you actually don’t get anything done. In fact I suspect you get an awful lot done as you have to- and your littlest one has learnt the best way to keep attention is to be attached to you. At 9 months she should be easily carried on your back in a carrier like a connecta and not too heavy for shorter periods on your hip in a ring sling if needed.
This age is prime peak time for separation anxiety so I really wouldn’t be trying to fight it right now- in fact love bomb her where you can- fit in half an hour where you devote all your attention on her- on your lap, reading stories etc.
Perhaps seek medical advice for your feelings as I don’t think that’s a normal reaction you are having and my guess is she is feeding off your feelings of being depressed- you withdraw due to your emotions and she’s clinging tighter as she feels she is losing you.

You have a velcro baby. I do too. Bloody nightmare.

Once their moving it will be eaiser. Few more months, OP.

Please have faith things will get better. I had a baby like that and every thing you say resonates. She's now nearly 15 months and much better. Things started to improve as she got more mobile. She can properly crawl now and I think that was key she's too busy off exploring the lunch box cupboard. We also did controlled crying to get her into her own cot and out of our bed at night. It took 3 nights of a few mins crying and now she sleeps through the night in it 8pm to 7.30. Things can and will improve.

One of mine was like that. Controlled crying at nine months sorted out the acute sleep problems.

I wish I’d insisted on my time to myself - so do this. Singing helps you to focus while the baby’s crying.