Hi,
I need some advice please. Please hold tight as I might go on.
So, me and husband are pretty much estranged from his family. The only thing we've had to do with his mother in the last 4 years is when she's got the kids presents and cards from their great nan (great nan has dementia and she cares for her). Our kids are 9 and 5. Before my eldest was born we all had a great relationship. I got on with mother in law like a house on fire and we spent time together and she even came to first scan. I saw her as more of a mum than my own mum at that time. My son was born and at 4 months old she was the first person to take him out without us so we could have a break. Whilst out she ran into a family member that we had forbidden our son see and she let this person hold him. Mother in law came back and told us and said that she wanted to show her grandson off and that she felt awkward saying no. We were furious as we believe we have good reason to have said he can't see this person. We argued with her and she left. After that things were never the same. She didn't visit as often and when she did she didn't interact with us or our son as much. I admit I snapped at her a few times and made it worse. In the end we argued and told her that if she couldn't make more effort then not to bother coming anymore at all. She didn't and we didn't have any contact until my son was 2 when brother in law wanted to make amends, surely followed by mother in law wanting to also. We met up and agreed to let them back in our lives. We never wanted it to to the way it did. All was well. She came up to see us all the time and vice versa. She took grandson out with no issues and eventually we put everyone back together including the family member we had forbidden our son to see a few years before. Then my second son was born and he was around 6 months when it all went wrong again. Husband and brother in law fell out because my husband thought he could make more effort to ask after his nephews. Everyone got involved once more and there was arguments where I said some horrendous things to brother in laws girlfriend (now wife) and an aunt of my husband's. Everyone blocked us and we messaged mother in law to say we take it shes walking away again. She didn't reply and that was it again until recently. Since then I've matured and would have reacted better if what happened then happened now. I admit I did wrong too. Mother in law has been civil lately with husband through messages about his nan and has even been able to sit in a room with her when visiting and had good chats with her. Kids have seen her in passing but don't know who she is. She mentioned being back in their lives but said it's up to us and she understands if not and would still like to keep things civil at least. I haven't spoken to her as last I knew she hated me and blamed me for all of it. We are moving house in the new year and will be just a couple of streets from her and will probably bump into her regularly. Do we give her another chance now we all seemed to have matured? Do we just keep civil? If we give a chance how do we explain it to kids? Especially 9 year old and if we don't then when we see her what do we say about her if he asks? Do we explain randomly now and give him a choice? Help