At what stage do I seek medical advice - anxiety related

[Myfanwyprice]

Hi,

Posting here for traffic.

DS is 12, year 8 at school. He has always had a bit of an anxious side, often struggled with birthday parties as a young child and never really wanted to go to friends houses etc. Has never struggled to make friends, and always seems to be fairly popular.

School wise, he went to a small primary and I think was often overlooked ability wise because he was quiet and well behaved, performed very well in his SATS and as a result was put in top set for everything when he went to secondary school.

Now in his second year there, he continues to thrive academically, feedback from parents evenings/reports is very good - I think he’s surprised himself in that respect. He seems to have a nice group of friends at school, mixed boys and girls, a couple of small issues of him telling someone else about a text message, but I think that is more just him finding his feet and learning how friendship groups work - he is a bit like me, that he sees the good in everyone, so is a bit shocked by people that have a hidden agenda.

Since starting secondary, despite being happy at school, his anxiety has hit the roof.

It seems to centre around my wellbeing, he needs to know my exact plans every day, my work sometimes means I have to travel to another city for half a day, this can cause a meltdown from him. He checks what time I’m leaving the house in the morning (after him) and if I haven’t left before he goes into school, he gets very upset and agitated.

Last night, he said he didn’t feel that he could go to school today, he felt too anxious, he couldn’t give any reason, not worrying about a test for example, just that he felt that he can’t cope with how anxious he feels.

I have tried talking and he clams up. I regularly check his phone, there doesn’t seem to be any cyber bullying.

After lots of tears, he went to school today. I feel drained, my other dc find it distressing starting every day with his tears and refusal to go to school.

But, what support can I access, once he is at school he is happy, this isn’t just him saying this, I hear him chatting to his friends, belly laughing with them. He is doing so well with his school work. His anxiety all seems related to being away from me.

I don’t know whether to raise it with the school and make them aware there is a problem, if it isn’t at school. Do I take him to the gp? What help is available on the nhs?

Sorry that was so long. I so want to support him, but I feel completed unprepared for coping with this.

Bump

Bumping for you really, I have no specific experience or knowledge, but does your school have a wellbeing team? that and/or GP for a chat might be helpful?

Thank you 😊 that is what I’m thinking, but ds isn’t keen on us seeking help, and I don’t want to, if actually there isn’t any support there. Feel like I’m treading a tightrope and don’t want to make the wrong call.

Laughing, joking, appearing or even being happy are not mutually exclusive with anxiety.

Anxiety is often rooted in poor self esteem, from doubting your ability to cope with any given situation. It is rarely centred around a specific 'worry' as such - anxiety is your brain being on high alert even if there is no physical trigger.

I would contact someone like Mind for some first steps of where to look for more information, what support there might be etc.

This link might be helpful:

www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/anxiety-in-children/

Good luck. Suffer with anxiety myself and it is relentless and awful.

Thank you, that link is very helpful, and does reassure me that we are doing the right things (encouraging mindfulness/breathing exercises, talking about the physical impact, still making him do the things that him anxious ie leaving the house without me).

He’s due home shortly, so will give lots of hugs if he wants them and hope he feels able to chat things through.

I will also look into contacting Mind.

Agree heartily with @LoadofUtterBoswellocks anxiety is draining and awful. I was an anxious child, mainly triggered by a lot of death in the family before I was 11. It sounds as though he is starting to figure out mortality and it's really scaring him, poor kid.

Thank you, it does seem to weigh so heavily on him and it breaks my heart that he worries so much, it’s helped me to get out my concerns on here, so thank you.

I’m very cautious not to let him see that his anxiety is causing me stress as the last thing I want is to add any burden, but it is so draining for the whole family.