Dilemma looking after DS when having DC2

[mortifiedmama]

So when we had DS I went in to spontaneous labour and we didn't tell anyone until he was born. I ended up needing to stay in hospital a couple of days. We invited both grandparents to visit at hospital the following day. DPs parents came, stayed 30 mins, left me to feed (went for a coffee) then came back for 30mins before leaving me to rest. All great, very respectful.

DM couldn't come that day so we told her we'd call when we knew whether I'd still be in the following day. She bombarded me with calls and texts the following morning. As soon as I knew I was being discharged I told her and said we'd ring once I left (she works in hospitals and knows discharges can take time) and she could come then - she's lives just over an hour away so it'd give us time to get home and settle in before she turned up.

We got home about 4 hours later (10 minutes from the house), she was sat outside with my 4yo niece. Grabbed DS from his carseat as soon as we put it down and didn't move or deal with DN for almost 4 hours. I was severely anaemic (still undecided whether I was going to need a transfusion), exhausted as DS would only sleep on me or feed and I'd had a very traumatic labour, birth injuries and surgery. She refused to leave (2 subtle hints, 2 direct requests). And made digs at me being selfish for breastfeeding and accused me of lying about feeding cues just to get him back. DH occupied DN, made a brew, and defended me and asked her to leave, which eventually got her to leave.

I'm pregnant with DC2. I'm having a section this time. I'll need to be at hospital at 7am, DSs nursery doesn't open until 8. The only person available to look after DS is my mum. But I don't trust her to respect my boundaries such as not telling anyone my section date, not harrasing us for updates and not turning up at the hospital or staying at ours after DH has got home.

Anyone any tips?

A number of other issues have come up in the intervening 3 years which show she hasn't changed.

Nursery key worker or another member of staff, ask them to come to yours, you pay them an hourly rate, normally £8-£10 and then show them.around. Give them house keys and pre arrange for same member of staff to take your child home after nursery, and give tea and even put to bed if possible

Definitely not weird to ask the nursery worker.

We did this for mine as no relatives or support around so made a (paid) agreement with a worker that if I had to go to hospital that they would take others home. If it was outside of care hours we would drop at theirs and they would take to care and take home again if necessary including overnight. If it’s someone who works with the kids 5 days a week, that the kids know and trust it’s hardly a situation that will traumatise them and if it does there is not much to be done about it if options are non-existent.

Yes, should have said I'm happy to pay them! Got a friend who could come after work, but not before nursery closes.

I'm ok about doing it alone, DH really wants to be there though.

Support after isn't an issue, DH has 3 weeks off and 3 weeks part time, working from home.

What about siblings (parents of your DN?)?

GreenMeerkat they live too far away and work as well. They'd also need to pick up and drop off their own kids.

As long as all goes well you are very likely to have the csection and be happily back on the ward well before private nurseries finish at 6 if ds is in one? Obviously there is the chance of complications but they tend to like elcs to be done and dusted by mid afternoon due to less staff later on and the chances of emcs happening

My elcs was complicated but only over ran by an hour. Due to that someone who was due to have an elcs had to wait until the next day. Unfortunately ive bumped people off the list of elcs 3 times . Chances are you will know what sort of time you will go down on the day unless emergencies crap up in which case you may be pushed back until the next day

Nursery workers all the way, for the same reasons PPs have said. We’ve had them stay over at ours (obviously paid!). Well worth it.

You are unlikely to have the section at 7 so if your DH drops you and then DS at nursery that should cover the morning. Put contingencies in place for later like asking if he can stay late at nursery and then a friend pick him up after work? If all done and dusted by then your DH could do it. My DD had elective section for her DD2 and she was taken down at 7am but did not have baby until midday as emergencies kept preceding her. Luckily her PIL had her DD1 on that day anyway.