How can I help my widowed neighbour?

[BikeRunSki]

A retired couple moved in a couple of doors down about 5 years ago. I didn’t know them well, but we had a cheerful mutuel bin-bringing in, parcel-taking-in type relationship and dd went to nursery with their grandchild.

The wife died suddenly last week. I’ve dropped a card off for the family, and have had a Christmas card thinking is fit iyr thoughts in return.,I can’t make the funeral because I don’t have child care at that time. The husband has been staying with his adult daughter locally, although obviously she’s distraught too, but she’s very down to earth, I think she’ll have been feeding him well.

Can I do anything for him? I feel so desperately sad for him. I was only speaking to his wife less than a week ago.

Main thing I would suggest is don't forget about him in the New year when all the funeral stuff is over and beyond. You may not be on inviting him rounf for Sunday lunch terms, but checking in with him now and again just to pass the time of day will help.

I agree.There are always a lot of people around at the start.My DM found it much harder when everyone had gone.
The kindness of someone asking how your doing months afterwas thoughtful, when friends have lost a parent now I try to think to ask how they are doing months down the line when the shock is gone and it can feel very lonely .

Thank you everyone. My dad died just before Christmas 25 years ago. You’re so right, there were a lot of people around initially, but then not. I was studying at the other end of the country, so I wasn’t there for DM either.

I have found that there is a rose with her name. I was thinking that I might buy him one in the spring, but certainly keep up the parcels/bin/weather/kids-grandkids chit chat.

I agree that checking in on him over the coming months will be a great support. The rose in the spring would be a really lovely gesture, you're very thoughtful.

Main thing I would suggest is don't forget about him in the New year when all the funeral stuff is over and beyond

Agree with this. My Mum would love one of her neighbours invited her in for coffee etc

Just keep in contact, particularly in 2 or 3 months. If you don’t know him well you can keep it practical, Collecting prescriptions, or getting a pint of milk. You could even lease with the daughter and see if there’s anything you could do.
It’s lovelyyhat you want to help.

Just be a friend to him. When my Dad died, my mum found that some friends just disappeared, but others, including neighbours, became a great support.

She chats to them in the street, they help her out with odd jobs, she feeds their cats etc.

It's not the immediate days, which are just shock and grief, it's the ongoing life when he may really appreciate support.

I agree with all the above. My DM found it hardest from about 3 months after my DF died. Just practical help, a friendly chat, and actually using his wife's name is probably best.

Chat to him every now and then, and make sure you have his daughter's phone numbers should he become ill.

I went and saw him this morning. He was touched that I’d taken the time to go and see him, and told me he realised it took a lot of stength to do so. Very sadly he told me that the lady on his other side had died the following day. She was younger than me (40s).