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Original poster

Best option for breaking up commuter week

46 replies

MintCream · 09/12/2018 12:15

Dh will have an 1.15 commute to work soon along witb possibly long days, and we were thinking of ideas of how to make it work for him.

We thought we'd look at buying a 2 bed apartment, rent out one room and dh could stay over a few nights a week.

We aren't going to move closer to his work, we like where we live and we're mortgage free.

But would an Air bnb once a week be better? The apartment felt like it could be an investment, something we're paying off whereas the air bnb felt like 'wasted' money.

What would you do?

OP posts:

Sleepinghooty · 10/12/2018 11:46

Dh (and I sometimes) both have a similar commute. We did do something similar for a while (commute was a bit further and more fiddly). It was ok but I'm glad it's over. There were some pros:
he worked later / started earlier on the days he stayed over so he could leave earlier or work shorter days on days he was home;
he went to gym had time to socialise without it getting in the way of family time and he was less stressed when he was home so weekends were definitely easier - and he was very hands on then.
But the dc were younger and he probably wouldn't have seen them anyway with a long commute. Now they are older they like to see him, even if it's just for a short while. And even though he's gone long days I do like having him home most nights.

VioletCharlotte · 10/12/2018 11:49

1hr 15minute commute isn't particularly long. But why is DH working 12 hour days? Is this the norm or just occasionally?

Stuckforthefourthtime · 10/12/2018 11:58

1.15 can feel long or short depending on how it's made up. A short walk on each side and a 50 min train where you get a seat = manageable, I'd invest my money in fancy noise cancelling headphones and lots of kindle books instead. But if it's a long drive, or a walk, two tubes and a bus, then agree it will feel long. There's also research to show that happiness declines the further your commute goes past 45 minutes.

If you want to do it, can't you look at working from home on Wednesdays or something first? And otherwise I'd do Monday to Friday lodging for a few months first, to see if being apart a lot of the week suits you or not.

Original poster

MintCream · 10/12/2018 12:08

cloudtree we would take a lodger who'd help pay the mortgage.

Stuckforthefourthtime 1.15 is train commute, it's a 10 min walk each end.

Sleepinghooty this is a straight walk/train/walk commute, not really fiddly. Did you lodge or buy when you say you did the same?

12 hour days won't be the norm, probably more like 10 (newly created role that will need effort to get going)

Now I'm feeling like an Air bnb as needed during busy periods could be wisest. I just don't know?

OP posts:

SmilingButClueless · 10/12/2018 12:17

Does he need to be physically at the workplace for such long hours? When I had a (longer) commute and was working long hours, I ended up doing 8 hours in the office and finishing off WFH for a couple of hours. If it was really busy I might get a first class ticket and work from the train on non confidential stuff, and I stayed in a Premier Inn if I had the killer combination of late meeting one day / early meeting the next, but most of the time the additional WFH kept me on top of things.

Sleepinghooty · 10/12/2018 12:18

We did a variety of hotels / b&b booked in advance, a bit of lodging and some serviced apartments - airbnb wasn't really a thing then. We were always considering somewhere but dh changed jobs. But really we decided the faff of having 2 places to clean / do admin for / fix any problems was too much but it meant it cost more financially but gave us more time overall

CaroloftheBalls · 10/12/2018 12:21

If he’s doing 12 hour days then he won’t be driving at rush hour.

I can’t believe you want to buy a flat for a 1hr 15 commute!

How the other half live eh 😂

ginyogarepeat · 10/12/2018 12:21

For an hour's commute each way?! Completely unnecessary in my opinion (my DH and I have never done less than this in our working lives, plus the long days etc on occasion) but it's your money!

Original poster

MintCream · 10/12/2018 12:25

CaroloftheBalls we aren't rich, it would be an investment that dh could also use.

OP posts:

Cherries101 · 10/12/2018 12:26

A 1.15 each way commute is your bog standard commute. If he can’t hack that then I strongly suggest he looks for another line of work. Opting out of family life for a commute many working single mums do quite easily makes no sense

user1457017537 · 10/12/2018 12:35

Men I know who do this have checked out of family life and have a whole other life the wife doesn’t know about. One even has a girlfriend staying with him and he’s no oil painting.

greendale17 · 10/12/2018 12:42

Read the post properly- her DP has a 14.5hr working day including the commute.

cloudtree · 10/12/2018 12:49

No, most of the time her DH will have a 10 hour day which is not exactly unusual 8-6 is a ten hour day which would be normal for many managerial jobs. He then has an hour and 15 commute. Really not unusual at all.

ragged · 10/12/2018 12:55

If it's an investment, then buy it for mostly letting out as AirBnB, get a management company in, and your DH can also use it when needed, but he'll mostly commute. That way he's mostly seeing his family, you don't have lodgers & he still has option to stay overnight in busy periods.

Bigchanges2018 · 10/12/2018 12:59

Can you afford the higher amount of stamp duty?

ApolloandDaphne · 10/12/2018 13:48

Here is what my DH does:

His commute is 1-1.5 hours depending what time he travels. He gets up at around 5 am to leave for 6 am to avoid the traffic then he returns leaving about 6pm getting home around 7.30/8pm. He hates the drive mostly in the winter as much of it is on small, winding country roads. It isn't so bad in the summer.

If he gets the train he has a 15 min drive to the station and gets one at around 6am then one back during the busy period. The train can be more relaxing but often the trains are cancelled, late, cold, overcrowded and it can be miserable. He also has a long walk at the other end to the office.

We looked at renting a place in the city so he could stay a few nights each week but it didn't work out. What he does now is he has a 'bank' of hotels and apartments he can book fairly reasonably cheaply during the winter and stays one or two nights each week. He is often on London one or two days a week too and will often stay in the city if his flight is late in. In the summer it is impossible to get cheap places as the city is a tourist mecca.

I get that people say that commute is fairly normal but it really does depend where you are going/coming from and also what sort of job you are doing. For DH's sanity he finds staying one or two nights each week is the best option. Next year he hopes to work one day a week from home which will be wonderful.

Hope your DH gets something sorted out.

AdamNichol · 10/12/2018 13:59

My commute is 2.5hrs each way (more when the trains go wrong, average of once per week), giving me 60 hour working weeks, and yet I still manage to do a proportion of school runs (either drop offs or pick ups). If DW is working away, I WFH to do both ends or school run (or I'd have to leave about an hour after arriving at office). 1 and a bit hours isn't really justification for 2 addresses

Original poster

MintCream · 10/12/2018 19:19

If you didn't wfh @AdamNichol could you still do school runs?

Surprised at the amount of people who think dh should suck it up 😂

Oh shit, probably a drip feed here, but as he'll be the only one working I don't want him to have to carry all the pressure of earning and commuting etc.

OP posts:

Sleepinghooty · 10/12/2018 19:27

Honestly if it’s just one of you working/ commuting you’ll be fine. The stress really comes from when you are both away from home, trains break, you have to pick up dc etc.

If he come home to a meal and doesn’t do much in the week it is totally manageable!!

Charley50 · 10/12/2018 20:27

Do what you want OP, but the commute is doable. A ten minute walk at start and end is actually nice and healthy..
Can't remember if you have answered.. can he negotiate one day a week working from home (or on the train )? Will he really need to stay at work for over 8 hours often?

Nacreous · 11/12/2018 10:13

While I think it would be exhausting to do all that commuting I was thinking about this more, and I think if there's someone else at home taking care of the home things, and it's generally 10hrs with 12 only sometimes, if he can work from home one day a week it will be doable, but only if he doesn't need to contribute really at home during the week.

10hr days takes it to leave at 7, arrive 8:15, work til 6:15, home 7:30. If you're at home and able to have dinner sorted then that's a pretty reasonable time to eat. Grim on 12 hour days, but I did this when living alone and having to cook for myself and it was still manageable (though not fun). When I had someone to cook for me, I just used to turn up home and eat and that was okay. When it was 12 hours plus commute it was hideous no matter which way I sliced it. Better if I came home, ate and worked on the computer in the evening but still unpleasant. I think an Airbnb (where he could use the kitchen to heat up a decent ready meal?) when he had long days could be a god solution. I wouldn't have wanted to be away from home when my days were 12.5hrs out the house.

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