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Original poster

I want a baby but is it the right decision?

9 replies

dormousehibernating · 09/12/2018 08:36

I am not conflicted whatsoever about what I want: what I’m worried about is whether I am what the child wants.

I am single, and I am really worried about whether choosing to have a child alone might compromise our relationship, have the child feel resentment or anger towards me.

Yet the alternative - not having a child - makes me so sad Xmas Sad

OP posts:
hidinginthenightgarden · 09/12/2018 08:42

A child is not likely to resent you. Depending on the route you take, it is likely the child will know no difference.

MyOtherProfile · 09/12/2018 08:45

There are lots of lone parents. You could do a great job and have happy children.

strawberryalarmclock · 09/12/2018 09:27

My friend did it. Mid 30s and desperate to be a mum she had ivf and had twins! They are now 3 and she has coped brilliantly.
She would have preferred to have done it all with a partner but doesn't regret for a minute having them, she loves being a mum.

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Original poster
dormousehibernating · 09/12/2018 09:32

Twins would be a challenge!

OP posts:
strawberryalarmclock · 09/12/2018 09:35

Definitely! She has one of each though so feels really lucky.
I work in a school and there are so many different types of families out there these days. Single mums are very common!

lokijet · 09/12/2018 09:40

i am a single mum by choice - it is hard but imho worth it. if you go down this route there is compulsory counselling at the clinics where you discuss what and how you will tell your child.

lots of people end up as single parent for a variety of reasons and they all impact the child in their own way

It right to give it serious consideration but i wouldn't let that fact alone deter you.

PS i met a single mum by choice with triplet boys - they were all happy and delightful - you will handle whatever life throws at you whether that includes children or not

Lovestonap · 09/12/2018 09:47

I would encourage you to follow your dream. Parenthood is selfish anyway. I had kids because I wanted kids not because I was benefitting them or society by giving birth. Perhaps it is difficult to be a child without a father, but so much more painful to be a child who has a father who deliberately chooses not to be in their life. How wonderful to know that your mum wanted you so much she went through all that process to get you - you could never be thought a mistake or an accident. Good luck with it all, I'm sure you'll be a fantastic mum if that's what you decide.

Fantasisa · 09/12/2018 09:52

I completely understand your concerns but if I hadn’t met DP and had children with him I know that I would have done it alone. Good luck

BertramKibbler · 09/12/2018 09:57

I felt very sad growing up without a father. Mine left us when I was a baby and somehow vanished entirely.

I’ve no doubt that a single parent can give a child all the love and care that they need but that won’t necessarily stop the child yearning for 2 parents.

There is also the desire to know where we came from, it can be difficult not having any link from one side of your family.

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