Stranger offering dd chocolate

[howmanyslippers]

Sat waiting for the bus and a man sits next to myself and dd, he says hello so I say hi back and then he asks dd if she likes chocolate she is very shy so turned away and looked at me, he then said here you go have this chocolate and whips out a massive bar and basically places it on her lap, she was saying no and I said no thank you she's already got chocolate, he then said it's fine and handed it to me. I know he's probably only trying to be nice but the whole situation has made me feel awkward, how would any of you dealt with it? The way he was persistently handing her the chocolate.

I would have said the same - "no thankyou". If he persisted I would have left on the seat as we got off the bus.
I hate it when people give my kids food.

Some people are weird. You could of course have refused to take it and told him that you were setting an example to did not to accept gifts from strangers but I know it's hard. This happened to me once in a supermarket when an old lady shoved chocolate at dd. I tried to refuse then just took it. It went straight in the bin and I used the opportunity to talk to the kids about the dangers of strangers who offer sweets, that it was very weird and not ok and that's why we weren't eating the chocolate.

I’d have taken the chocolate and hoped my DD took it as an opportunity to witness the importance of kindness and giving.

My grandma used to walk around with a bag full of chocolate treats and dog treats, she just loved talking to people so would happily chat to dog owners and parents who were patient enough to stop and talk to her.

Hopefully she never got the two mixed up.

It does depend on the situation. You're just reminding me of hen dd1 was 2yo. We were wondering round town and she was loving this pink tinsel. Kept running back to it, and stroking it. On the way out, we got stopped by an elderly man who handed her a piece of pink tinsel he'd just bought, and a £2 coin.
I started to say "no thank you" and he just asked me to listen. He'd no family. His wife had died two years ago, and he had no one to give presents to as they hadn't had any children.
He watched us as dd went in and chose a packet of baubles to go with her tinsel, and we thanked him. I've never seen him again, and I'm sure he was giving out of nothing but kindness.

DH offered some chocolates to a child on a boat when we were on holiday, completely oblivious to how that could come across. Made me giggle!

I have glow sticks to some kids once at an event. Most parents were happy that the kids were happy, one parent acted like I had handed her child a bomb or I was a child snatcher! I would just see the man as doing a RAOK. Not sure why another poster binned a bar of chocolate from a lady in a super market if it was sealed and wrapped and in date

*gave

Witchend- how sweet, I’m sure he got great joy from seeing your daughters joy :) I know it’s important kids are taught how to be safe but it’s sad that some people like that man are met with suspicion rather than him just wanting to bring joy to your daughter

You cannot teach your children about not taking things from strangers then accept them at other times, it will make no sense to them. I wouldn't have taken it, just politely said no thank you.

You get some strange replies on mumsnet. I feel sorry for these people who just want to do something nice and then get it thrown back in their face. I would have just said thank you and taken it, told dd that we can save it for later or share with cousins etc. Really no big deal

Don't socialise your child to be nice to strangers. Polite, yes, but to accept something you don't want so you don't hurt someone's feelings gives all sorts of mixed messages.
It's not polite to force an unwanted gift on anyone, especially not a child.

I don’t see why you shouldn’t be nice to strangers, where is the harm in it?

My friend goes with "he's allergic to dairy, take it away and don't hand food to children you don't know. He could die if he eats that".

It doesn't work if your kid isn't allergic but I'm always tempted to just say it to teach these people a lesson. Her son literally could die from a cube of cheese or chocolate etc but old people still think it's fun to insist the kid takes some.

@Owletterocks

Be nice but do not give food to children you don't know. If they put it in their mouths you don't know what could happen; you don't know their medical history.

Surely giving a wrapped bar of chocolate is different to handing a child random food. I would check and ask if I could give a bar of chocolate (not that I ever have) but the worst you risk is a child being upset with a parent taking something away rather than the child dying. Assuming the parent is with them and it’s something like a sealed bar

So sad to see such comments. He was only trying to be nice. It’s reminded me of the time a couple of years ago I was sat next to a man on a bus, the more the journey went on I realised he wasn’t having the best of times and he looked really fed up and down on his luck. I had a box of chocolates with me someone had given me and I suddenly decided I would give him them for no other reason than for him to realise he isn’t alone/forgotten about if that was the case. I then started debating on my head that it may go wrong and I’d end up feeling silly and embarrassed on a busy bus but anyway, I gave him them as he was getting off and said Merry Christmas and his face just lit up and he thanked me and waved from the pavement. Thank goodness he didn’t just say no thank you and walk off, I’d have felt terrible.

I like you Hmmwhatatodo.

I am blurgh at the pp going on about ' teaching them a lesson 'Bloody hell, he probably was just being kind. No wonder society is fucked.

Its not ok for adults to act in the same way as abusive people who groom children; no matter how safe they are, no matter how sad or lonely they are, no matter how well intentioned.

I disagree with Upstart crow. It is not ok for adults to groom children. It is also not ok for us to change our behaviour just because some people may be abusers.

Maybe a reasonable compromise would be to tell your DC that it’s only ok for you as their mum to accept gifts from strangers on their behalf, as you can protect them from creeps. But it’s never ok for DC to accept gifts from strangers if they’re on their own, without you.
That way, you’re not hurting kindly old souls, but you’re keeping DC safe.

Its not ok for adults to act in the same way as abusive people who groom children

Well that's me totally fucked then. I take an interest in my students lives and talk to them about their problems every damn day.

I didn't realise I was copying child abusers while being a good teacher. I'll stop immediately.

Amazing levels of paranoia on display here. And then you wonder why there's no "community spirit" any more. Maybe people stopped building relationships with their neighbourhoods because mums started reading basic human generosity as malicious intent.

Thank you Whatwould

I think that you can teach your child that it is only okay to accept a gift if you or her Dad are with her, and as long as you say it's okay.

Then you can still be compassionate to lonely, elderly people, without sending mixed messages to your kids. It's not difficult. No need to insult kind strangers.

This just prompted me to remember a situation that happened when I was a kid.

I'd been into London with my mum and we were on our way home on the tube.

I must've been about 7 or 8 at the time.

A lady got on and offered me a slice of cake. It was wrapped in foil which she unfolded to show me and then gave it to me.

My mum thanked her and said I'd have it later. Then when we got off (can't remember if the lady was still there or not - I'm guessing not) she left it on the tube!

I was so upset as I really wanted that cake! but I recall my mum saying as nice as it was for the lady to give it to me, I mustn't take food from strangers as she might have done something to it and have poison in it!

Always stuck with me that has. And now I have a child of my own many years later, I'd probably do similar.

As kind as some people are, or try to be I think you can't be too careful these days which is sad I know... but I'd firmly decline any food offered and if I couldn't avoid it I'd discard it later.

Some of these comments are so sad. I agree with pp that you can teach your children that if you are with them it’s ok to accept a small gift such as chocolate as the person was just being kind. If they’re alone, it may be a kind act but they shouldn’t take anything from strangers or go anywhere with them.

We really need to be teaching our dc about kindness and community spirit. Not suspecting everyone of ill-doing and assuming any kind gesture is some form of poisoning or grooming or whatever else our runaway imaginations can conjure up!