To wish I felt less resentful

[Dreamysleepynighty]

This is all a bit of a jumble but don’t really have anyone in RL I can talk to about it.
I have three absolutely wonderful and much wanted children and a dh who is fantastic and is the love of my life. However I have found being a parent a lot tougher than I thought. Before I had dcs I was such a hands-on aunt, loved spending hours playing with my nieces and nephews, did loads of babysitting so thought I would be better at this....
I just feel so ground down and exhausted and feel like I am letting life pass by without enjoying this time enough
I have three dcs 6 and under and although there are many magical moments, a lot of my days are spent doing quite mundane and very physical activity. ( I also work freelance in translation so a lot of evening hours)
My dcs are all v high energy and to top it off two of them have been horrendous sleepers. My 20 month old still wakes up to 3/4 times a night. (We have honestly tried everything including a sleep consultant and every consistently), my second dc only starting sleeping through from 2 and a half so it’s been years of sleep deprivation. I know I sound like an idiot but I genuinely didn’t think kids could sleep this badly and for so many years pre-kids
I have always needed lots of sleep so this has been extremely difficult for me. It’s had a knock-on affect then as my day-to-day life is busy and I am always exhausted so it just doesn’t feel enjoyable.
I never used to be a bitter or resentful person but the last few years I have felt this growing towards my family. I have lots of family and my parents are in great health etc, they live around 40 mins away but not once has anyone ever , ever helped me out. Actually it’s not even that as I should not expect any help at all , it’s more the fact that they spend no proper time with me and my kids, my own parents have never even gone for a walk with me nd my children. Literally I see them maybe once every 4 months for a coffee where I have to keep my dcs under control while they look on. Bizarrely this is all treated as absolutely normal within my family and on the surface there is always wonderful messages being exchanged on how we are all getting on etc and they are v kind in the way they speak towards me. I just feel very confused by it all.
I had a complication following root canal work a few weeks ago and was in absolute agony , my dh was too far away to get back and despite me telling my family that I felt I couldn’t cope no one came to help. As I drove through my town I saw my friend and her mum happily walking through the street with her kids, I was met at the school gate by another lovely grandad who was taking his gcs for a hot chocolate. I was literally holding my face and trying to not cry as I picked up my kids.
I just feel jealous of the help so many people seem to get and even more so that emotional support hat just doesn’t exist for me. I also don’t know why I am surprised, my mother has always been like this, even pre-kids I would ask her if she wanted to meet or go for coffee in town and her reply would be “but why”? Am I expecting too much? Sometimes I feel as though I am the ungrateful one.
I want to move on and not feel this jealous feeling when I see other people and their parents and I hate how it feels. I know I am am extremely lucky as it is. Anyone else in a similar situation or advice on how to move on and become more positive.

What an awful situation. Of course you never expected anyone to do everything for you, but feeling like you’d like a closer relationship and it’s not forthcoming is so hard.
I have the same thing with my mum, although I’ve no kids, and it’s awful.

It sounds like you really need a break and a good nights sleep. Anyway yoou can leave the kids with Dh for one night and book yourself into a hotel room? Long soak in a tub, and lie in bed watching films, then sleep with no disruption. It could be a good Christmas present to yourself.

Lots of sympathy from me. The daily grind is a grind... I'm glad I don't have more children than arms! Have a coffee and a bloody good biscuit. Then plot some alone time somehow. I had 3hrs to myself the other week, first time since ds was born, he's 19mths. I went for a jog and read a book. It was lush.

Thank you for your reply and sorry that you have a hard situation there too.
It’s very difficult to describe as it’s really not obvious in that my dm says all the right things, is very warm and encouraging on these visits or in txts but there is no real connection, we spend no time together, she always seems to listen with half an ear and in all honesty seems bored by me and always has done . It’s just very different to what I see around me and with my dh’s parents.
I think I always convinced myself before that it was a genuine reason to do with not being interfering but it’s so not that. Now that I have my own kids I can see clearly how strange it is not to have ever initiated any kind of meeting or anything outside of the practical events of childhood. Like shopping was a quick, specific job only for practical reasons , I can’t remember ever doing anything just to spend time together, it’s like an alien concept. I have tried also for my part and tbh it’s made me feel humiliated. Attempts in the past to organize a coffee together or walk was met almost with laughter or just general refusal. I had a disastrous visit years ago when I had my first child and lived abroad. I came home for a week (I know that’s a long time in someone’s space and I tried very hard not to intrude too much), I was basically asked from first thing when were we heading out, this continues everyday. I spent the entire week on my own with my baby trying not to come home too much. Any suggestion to join me was met again with a no, had other plans or just sort of surprise that I asked.
I am sorry for waffling on, I just don’t understand it and unfortunately having children has made it much harder to accept. I need to though and I need to move on from being envious of other people with good relationships with their mums.

Thanks for the other replies. I actually do get a bit of time here and there so not too bad. I’m an advid runner and try and get out a couple of times a week although I am still completely exhausted. Think I was just at a low the last week and felt the lack of support so acutely.
I realize that I am overall very fortunate.

I hear you OP. I asked the same question on here once when DS was driving me up the wall and all I got was replies saying I was selfish thinking my mum should help me out. Well actually I do think GPs should be involved. My DM wouldn’t have gone anywhere without the help she got from my GM when I was young yet I’m not offered the same support! All I want - like you - is a few hours once every now and then to just decompress. At the gym, coffee shop, wherever! Let’s go on strike

It's lovely that you are counting your blessings in your last post. I can quite understand your feelings in your first post too. Your Mum doesn't seem able to give you the bit of support you need now and then. It's her loss as well as yours but unfortunately we can't always change people, as you have discovered.
Its difficult when you see how some other families work together, when your own has a different dynamic. I remember going on a day out with a lovely family of elderly grand mother, four adult daughters and their children. The day was full of laughter, and love and a real family "togetherness. I had never met any of them previously we were only invited as my five year old had become best friends with one of the children whose birthday outing it was.

At the end of the day my young son expressed his wish that we were part of a family like that. I felt exactly the same. As we parted from them and walked away together hand in hand I think both my small son and I felt bereft.

I think you are doing the right thing, getting a little time to yourself now and again and keeping really positive about all the good things in your life.

Remember one day when your children are grown up you probably will have the sort of family around you that you wanted. That's what happened with me.