I’m depressed. I also love Christmas, well I did but the magic has gone and I want to get it back please help

[christmas2018]

I love Christmas I always have. I have ASD and at the moment PND
The last few months have passed me in a bit of a blur as have felt bad. I felt a little better and thought I’d book some things for the kids and that it’s make me feel Christmassy
Spoke to dh and is said before about things and they were a little too expensive but he said as I’ve felt sobad just book as a treat
But the things I wanted to book are all booked up 😔
So now I feel bad again. Went to an xmas play at school and felt sad and like crying rather than happy and festive
I feel like I’ve lost Christmas 😔
I’m trying so hard but I can’t oull myself out of it I feel like I’ve let kids down too by not being organised to book things earlier in the year and I’m annoyed at myself
I need some ideas, inspiration anything to 1). Make me feel a bit better and 2). Enjoy this time of year again
Thankyou

Christmas isn't about booking into things and attending things. The magic lies in time spent with your children creatively.

Go for a carol service at church.

Tell them you're having a cookie baking day and make Christmas cookies, decorate them...you can hang them on ribbons if you put a hole in before baking.

Make decorations with the carols from Kings on Youtube.

I understand your struggle. I sometimes have it too.x

Usually I can do things o felt I needed to book things so the activity was not led by me if that makes sense to take the pressure off and for me to be there and feel happier and Christmassy but not have to be in charge for once as I can’t do it 😔

We usually do art and craft stuff in previous years
Baking is a good idea but how do I make it feel like it’s christmas usually even this early in December I’m feeling it bit it’s gone
It may as well be June and I’ve got a tree up I feel detached and I feel robbed of the time of year I love
This is me rambling on I’m sorry

Agree with PP about not having to book lots of things.
I'm sure there is still a lot you could do.

• Go to a garden centre they are all Christmassy and often have a Santa there depending on your DC age.
• The cinema is currently showing the new Grinch film
• a Christmas film night in with hot chocolates/sweet treats
• have you put your decorations up yet? Maybe you could all do it together.

What area do you live in? I love in the North west we have things like winter wonderlands at the Trafford centre that aren't booked up yet.

I'm really sorry you are struggling I actually think Xmas can make people feel even worse.

But I always loved it so much 😔 I felt like it would help me feel better and it’s not and I want to be happy
Yes decorations are up but it feels wrong
Maybe I just need to try harder but I’ve never had to try before to feel Christmassy I think it’s just depression it’s clouding every thing in my life I enjoyed and I feel empty

London

I do understand, I've been where you are before. As PP said, it's not about buying tickets to things. Dont know what age your DCs are but if there are church groups or children centre groups around they are all doing Christmas crafts/songs at this time of year. Carol services are a lovely idea from PP. Make a day out of decorating the tree and watching Christmas movies. Basically simple things where you can all be together. HTH

Please don't put so much pressure on yourself to love Christmas this year. If you're trying your usual things and they aren't helping; like putting your tree up, you might not be ready for that yet - and if you force yourself to keep doing things that might make you feel better and they don't, you'll feel even worse.

Are you still getting help from the doctors for your depression?

I'd start with some really gentle easy Christmas things; but remember that you can't force the festive feeling. It'll come when it's ready. Take the pressure off yourself a bit.

I feel it’s that pressure too making it nice for the kids
Usually I can and do but this year I feel overwhelmed to even sit down and do an activity I think that’s why I was going to just take them somewhere so they still get that but I don’t have to put in the smiley happy face as this year I just can’t

I liked making Xmas card with them and things like that I enjoyed helping them do their room decorations but I feel empty
I will give it a try though if I keep trying maybe I’ll feel better

See if there are any parks / gardens near you having Christmassy walks that you don’t have to book for. I think the Santa’s at garden centres don’t tend to be booked, you just turn up... I could be wrong but worth seeing. You could also go to your local garden centre to look at all the Christmas stuff and let the kids choose one new decoration each? Like someone else has said bake some biscuits / make a gingerbread house (you can buy kits quite cheaply) and decorate. Google some simple Christmas crafts you could do with Christmas music on, watch a Christmas film together with chocolate / popcorn. Go to your local church for the Christingle service, that always feels very Christmassy and magical.

Are you getting help for your depression? That definitely should be a priority if not, go and see your GP and take care of yourself x

Could you see if there is a Christmas book with suggestions of stuff to do? For example, I am sure Delia Smith has a whole list if things to cook and when. She is pretty prescriptive so that takes the pressure off.

Yes I am but I’m not feeling that much better yet. I had kept telling myself I’d feel better around Christmas as I love it so much but I feel nothing just flat

Pps are right about not needing to book fancy days out, but I can see what you mean about booking something taking the pressure off when you can't find your own Christmas magic. I'm not sure if you've got a car but there are several open farms with places on their Christmas experiences just a few miles out, and some of the museums and libraries have drop-in events going on.

Agree about the gingerbread house kits, that's a great suggestion. Maybe put on a Christmas film, festive table cloth, readymade holiday playlist etc and see how you go?

Will see if I can think of any other ideas (have you checked all the Winter Wonderland ones? I've not looked at them this year).

Trying to pretend everything is ok when it's not is very hard work. This year Christmas may have to be a little different but that doesn't mean your kids won't have a lovely time. Keep it simple.
How about going to see a Christmas movie, or getting a couple of films on DVD and having a film night at home. Snuggle up with a tub of Celebrations and you have yourself a nice evening at home. Or if it's a dry evening, go and see the Christmas lights in a town near you and have a hot chocolate.
Don't beat yourself up about not feeling Christmas this year. Be kind to yourself.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Can you start small? If you have time when the older ones are in school (or you can pop out for an hour in the evening) why not go out and get yourself a festive hot chocolate with cream etc and have a stroll around a shop or two (I hate shopping really but it can be nice to have a we wander out in the evening without toddlers). Put the wee one in a sling or buggy if you need to bront them.

Baking takes loads of effort if miserable. Buy one of the decorate your own boxes of biscuits you can get in most supermarkets and just enjoy watching your children crazily decorate them.

Don't try to put pressure on by enjoying the season. Try and get one or two small things a week that might make you smile. Pressure to have fun will just make you anxious.

How old are your dc? Please don't put pressure on, if anything, you're just going to focus completely on how different you feel this year.

Have a think back to when you were a child. What made christmas magic for you?
For me, even though we had money, my best memories are being left down my Nans with my cousins while dm went shopping. Staying up late one night to have hot choc & cookies while watching a Christmas film. My dad taking us around to look at decorated houses in the dark. Dm being very fake excited by the cards me and dsis made. Staying in and making a chocolate log.
None of that was fancy or needed much organising, but at thirty-something, that's what I remember.

This year, concentrate on relaxing. Don't stress if the festive feeling isn't the same as last year. If you have PND, I'm guessing you had a baby this year so it's going to be different.

And if you're struggling, please speak to your GP 💐

Ah, love. You’ve built this up a lot for yourself and it’s not living up to what you hoped it would do for you.

In your shoes, I’d take it bite sized. Bake some Christmas decorations or bits for a gingerbread house, and embrace the chaos of over-decorated bits of biscuit. Another time, go to a local shopping centre or somewhere with a tree or markets and let the kids stare at the shinies.

One thing we’ve started this year is we’ve brought down all the Christmas-themed books to a special shelf in the living room so that when anyone wants a story we’ve got a Christmas one to hand. The 3yo in particular is loving it but the 7yo is really enjoying snuggling up to listen. Stuff like Stick Man, the new Pip and Posy book, the Jolly Christmas Postman, Mog’s Christmas, Slinky Malinki’s Christmas Crackers etc. I can’t believe we’ve only just done this. It’s so lovely curling up with my (big)!babies for a story after a hellish day at work.

Where in London are you? I might have specific ideas for easy spur of the moment things.

I think the most important thing, though, is to try not to expect any of these activities to make a magic difference. They probably won’t, but they might help with the guilt you’re feeling for your kids (which probably they are feeling very Christmassy anyway).

I felt like this last year. I’d had a miscarriage, my last remaining grandparent had died, my eldest no longer believed, we were in the middle of renovation hell and it just stole Christmas from me. Some good things did come out of it though-I’d always been a bit fussy with decorating the tree but last year I just couldn’t be bothered so dp and the children did it. It looked pretty much the same as when I’d spent ages doing it in previous years. So this year I was a lot more relaxed about decorating it.

I also had certain things I liked to do and without realising it spent time stressing about making them happen. Last year I just didn’t care enough so went with the flow more and it was all fine.

I hope you feel better soon

You can be a lot kinder to yourself. You're right, it is the depression making you fele bad. I have had it for years and have lots of ways of not letting it ruin my life. Here are some in case they help:
Make a short list of stuff to do at Christmas that you know Dc would enjoy. Tell yourself you don't have to be in the mood for any of them or enjoy any of them, but you do have the right to be very proud of yourself for making the effort for your DC.

These could be stuff like:
Visiting Santa in a store
Visiting the West End to look at the lights and the tree in Trafalgar Square
Petting reindeer at a City Farm or garden centre (can be very good to stroke animals if you are depressed)
Writing Santa letters
Ice skating
Visiting Winter Wonderland
Going to a christingle service
Snuggling under a blanket in front of the TV with DC to watch a Christmas film like Elf or Home Alone
Stopping and listening to Salvation Army brass bands or carollers when you're out and about with DC

None of these involve loads of effort on your part but they will help DC enjoy the season. Long term your children won;t remember that they did no crafts or that you were subdued one Christmas, if yoru usual pattern is to enjoy it.

Don't put any pressure on yourself to go to parties or join in any loud celebrations.

Try and get half an hour or more to yourself every day to do something that pauses the feeling of depression - watching a comedy (even if you don't laugh), feelgood music, an exercise class, walk in a park etc. None of these need to give you an instant lift. If they don't, they don't, but long term, the benefits of them will start to sneak in.

It's so hard when something interferes with the things you normally enjoy and that are good for your wellbeing.

What four things usually get you in the festive mood? For me it's poinsettias, fairy lights, Christmas music and mince pies. When at my lowest eb I would put all those things together and it will really pick me up. The Kenny G Christmas album on YouTube usually works wonders for me...along with the smell of mince pies cooking. Pick four things that usually work for you - but at home in your safe space. Not out and about. I know you say you don't have the energy to "do" things and so pre organised things are easier, but actually it sounds like those things are too much pressure for you. Strip it back and just make your home feel warm and kind. Make it a place that makes you feel safe and cosy. Put a Christmas film on with a blanket and then another and another and just indulge.

I'm sorry you're having such a horrible time. Nothing lasts forever. Try to remember that.

What is it you used to love about Christmas?

If you are not well then you are not up to doing the usual , i agree go to the gardencentre buy a christmassy thing for the kids have a mince pie hot chocolate at home .what about a local panto? You have not let anybody down you are ill you will need to try and fake it a little bit till you are better,

I think I just lived everything about Christmas but i feel nothing this year. Like I’m looking in through a window at someone else’s life each day
Even if I’m there I’m feel detached as if the feeling part of me has stepped sideways out of me and is just watching?
I will throw myself into the above suggestions and see if it helps Thankyou

Loved not lived