Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Would you know if you were being snooped on by a private investigator?

51 replies

Collectorofcookbooks · 05/12/2018 11:14

It's the only very paranoid explanation I can come up with as to how someone who is massively digitally inept can know the information they know about me. They've no-one else to ask and the information isn't freely out there. We're not in touch and we have no common friends.

I've no idea how easy it is to find a PI to work for you, or for them to find out information about you, including contact details.

I'm terribly boring really, they wouldn't have had much fun following me, if that is how it's been done! Just wondering what the chances are of the information having been found out this way? Someone on MN must be one!

You wouldn't know if they're any good at their job, I guess.

OP posts:
Wordthe · 05/12/2018 11:15

I'm sure the collective Mumsnet wisdom can help you out here 😉

BlankTimes · 05/12/2018 11:52

the information isn't freely out there

Do you have any social media or do you post on MN and other forums a lot?

A woman on a forum I used a lot said she kept a spreadsheet of everyone's comments which after a period of time gave her a picture of who they were, where they lived, how old their kids were, husband's job and a million other things. Shock

Is it possible you've been stalked like that online? Not necessarily by the digitally inept person, but by someone who is competent and has passed the information on to them?

MrEzraGoldberg · 05/12/2018 11:52

Am interested to hear more! What do they know about you and how have they let you know that they know?? Are they using the information for nefarious purposes?

I imagine it's a bit unnerving.

cantfindname · 05/12/2018 11:57

I was watched by a PI before the days of internet and during a messy divorce. It was actually hilarious as he was so inept I noticed him following me and then he parked his car outside my house reading a newspaper for hours. Sooo.. I dressed up a bit and went out, he thought he was onto something and began urgently folding his paper away and preparing to follow. I knocked on his car window and asked if he wanted a cup of tea as he had been sat there for so long!

Cue very red face and quick exit!

PurdysChocolate · 05/12/2018 12:06

What is the motivation for the other person to hire a PI do you think?

I think my parents might have hired one once, when they found my 13 year old sister in an online relationship with an 18 year old boy (so he said). This was almost 20 years ago before everyone understood Internet predation. I never knew what the outcome was. Probably nothing.

brizzledrizzle · 05/12/2018 12:10

Who do you know who might have a motive for having you investigated?

DaisyDreaming · 05/12/2018 12:57

I once found someone’s major drug problem which they were hiding from their wife. Only i wasnt trying to find secrets, their daughter had cancer and I was trying to see if she survived. It’s scary how easy it is to find out things.

From your post it sounds like you know who is at the bottom of it. How bad are their tech skills? It really isn’t hard to find people online. There’s always someone willing to do anything for more money too. A friend of a friend hired a PI, until then I (stupidly) always thought of them as more of a fictional thing

Original poster
Collectorofcookbooks · 05/12/2018 12:59

@PurdysChocolate @Brizzledrizzle (it certainly is today!) I cut off contact. It's complicated.

They're not using it for nefarious reasons, more to let me know that I know that they know. I'm the one who could do more damage, if I was that way inclined. Which I'm not.

I just can't figure out how they know this stuff. I do have social media @BlankTimes, but this information isn't on there (and my privacy settings are high and I'm conscious everything I put out there is visible). Plus, they'd have to have told someone, which I don't think they would have done, unless it was in the context of a 'find out more' situation. Also, who has the time to do a spreadsheet like that?!

They'd certainly have to have done some digging to find the email address they sent the information to. It isn't a publically available one. I haven't replied.

OP posts:
Original poster
Collectorofcookbooks · 05/12/2018 13:04

Their tech skills are bad, @daisydreaming, unless they have radically changed (possible I suppose but not unlikely)

I know who it is and I know why. What I can't figure out is how they got the information - it's very specific and not something that is known or that I've talked about online.

I don't feel threatened or anything, and I'm certainly not about to make contact with them to ask them about it - I'm just really confused.

OP posts:
Scottishscummy · 05/12/2018 13:06

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

HollowTalk · 05/12/2018 13:07

I believe most private detectives do things online rather than physically now, so eg recommend someone puts a tracker and a listening device on a car rather than follow someone.

So this person has contacted you via an email address that isn't publicly available (I assume you've double checked that) and has said they know you are doing/have done XYZ? Are those things illegal? Who knows you've done those things? Have you ever written about them on social media, or has anyone else?

RandomMess · 05/12/2018 13:07

Have they asked someone technically competent to help them?

Illegal access to it via a friend?

HollowTalk · 05/12/2018 13:07

Is it, for example, that they've heard you have had an illness?

brizzledrizzle · 05/12/2018 13:08

Have you done a username search on MN to see what you've posted? Maybe you've accidentally mentioned it and they've found you on here?

halfwitpicker · 05/12/2018 13:08

Dunno but there are plenty of sleuths on here

Original poster
Collectorofcookbooks · 05/12/2018 13:14

Really, honestly, it's nothing illegal or exciting! I'm not ill and they can't gain anything by it. It's more that they want me to know that they're keeping tabs on me. That's the way it came over in the email.

Yes, I've doubled checked the email availability.

DH knows all these things, as do several of my friends - I've nothing to hide. Except I'd rather this person not know and I can't figure out how they do!

OP posts:
Original poster
Collectorofcookbooks · 05/12/2018 13:16

Trust me, they wouldn't be able to ask a friend to find out about this - it would be a very strange request and they wouldn't be able to justify why they'd want the information.

That's why I came to the PI conclusion!

OP posts:
citiesofbismuth · 05/12/2018 13:42

I once found out that a next door neighbour was in regular contact with my estranged - for very good reasons - mother and my ex partner's mother. She was a right gossipy old bat so I took to telling her all manner of rubbish to ensure she had something interesting to feed back to them 😊

HollowTalk · 05/12/2018 15:15

OP, I would be looking at who is on that email list, then. Could someone have forwarded on an email you sent them?

BlankTimes · 05/12/2018 15:46

If it was just location, then I'd guess a tracker like find my phone, but a "different" email address to one they usually contact you by is unusual.

Have they ever had access to your phone or pc to install a key logger?

If not, Occams Razor says have they had contact with anyone you have used that email address with, and just simply asked them for it, 'I need to email Anne Smith urgently, do you have her email address?

Or could it be possible for them to have sent the email to every combination of email addresses they could think of by making permutations on your name or guessing what you'd likely have used as a name and all throwaway email addresses?
There's probably an app that does it but I'm thinking of

Spellings
asmith@ gmail, hotmail, yahoomail and all the rest
a[middle initial]smith@
annsmith@
annesmith@

Moving the dots
ann.smith@
anne.smith@
an.ne smith@

Using underscores
ann_smith@
anne_smith@
annsmith123 and all permutations of numbers@

That would be about the extent of my sleuthing skills but I'd be too bored too quickly to actually do any of it but I expect there's loads more people could do.
Lots of people are not imaginative when it comes to creating email addresses, I have several friends who use two initials, surname, two numbers that are year they were born @ throwaway email address .com

Apologies, I'm far too interested in this because I'm supposed to be putting some tinsel up.

Original poster
Collectorofcookbooks · 05/12/2018 17:09

Yes, a friend of mine thinks the email was sent to several addresses in the hope that I would have one of them registered. But it’s not a combo they would know, without knowing the information they’re not supposed to!

It’s more what’s in the email itself which has me concerned / curious as to how they know that.

I’ve just remembered, we’ve had several presents with no cards or identifying delivery details turn up, I wonder if the two are linked?

Sorry, I’m sounding really cryptic, and I really don’t mean to.

OP posts:
Original poster
Collectorofcookbooks · 05/12/2018 17:10

Changed phone after I last saw them. Passwords all changed on a regular basis.

OP posts:
Original poster
Collectorofcookbooks · 05/12/2018 17:11

I very much doubt it @HollowTalk, the email came from their email address, and wasn’t in reply to anything.

OP posts:
BlankTimes · 05/12/2018 17:37

I’ve just remembered, we’ve had several presents with no cards or identifying delivery details turn up, I wonder if the two are linked?

It sounds like very early stages stalker behaviour - not that I'd know, I've just read quite a bit on here from people who were targeted through no fault of their own.

I hope someone who has been through similar can post and advise you.

In the meantime, make a note of every little thing, it may seem trivial now, but over time it could build a picture for you to give to the Police if needed. So sorry you are going through this Flowers

RandomMess · 05/12/2018 18:58

It's difficult to know when you are not giving any information...

Have they had access to your home in the past? Could they have sent Trojan ware containing a key logger or similar?

Could a friend be innocently telling a friend of theirs who is innocently passing it on to someone playing dumb?

Could they be in contact with your DC or someone via work...

Swipe left for the next trending thread