I don’t quite know what I want out of this thread- solidarity maybe?
I live a very full life, have many hobbies and friends and often not enough time to do everything in! But I’m lonely, I just want someone special to share things with. I’d love children, that’s where a lot of my friends are at. Though not necessarily right now. I’d like to just be with someone for now. I meet all these great guys and they’re all married, or loved up, and I wonder why I didn’t get my chance (yet). My DSis is on her latest bf and Christmas Day will be at our parents with her parading him all over the place, showing off how lovely everything is and for the 4th year in a row I’ll be there on my own.
Im just a bit sick of it and I’m bitter. I’ve been doing online dating on and off for 4-5 years and haven’t got anywhere. I used to be so hopeful and positive but it’s waring now. I used to love Christmastime with all the lights, and food and dodgy Christmas films but I’m starting to turn off anything that mentions couples, romance, proposals etc... and I hate feeling like that.
I love gift giving, I don’t stop keeping an eye out for presents as the year goes on, partly to spread the cost, but also so I get things that are personal and really things the recipient would really like, rather than panic buying last minute. But no one makes the same effort for me. I do it because I love to, and I’m good at it! But it can be disappointing when I put so much effort into everyone else and it’s not at all reciprocated. I regularly give other family members ideas of what to buy for each other too as of course DM and DF buy each other a lot more and DSis and bf will buy each other a lot more too. It isn’t all about gifts- of course. Myself and exDP used to host Christmas and I loved making it special for everyone but a big part of it was doing it together as a team and I miss it so much. I can’t have Christmas at mine because my place is too small.
I don’t want to come across as grabby, and I don’t think there’s any reason particularly why I’ve not found anyone. I put myself out there, take all the opportunities I can, ask men out, I’m active, people say I’m funny and attractive, I dress nicely (when in public!!) I’m healthy, I bake!! I just feel like everyone else got there first and there’s noone left for me. I feel like the dating apps are full of men who are just keeping an eye out for something better to come along. I’m not perfect and am not all sophisticated like some women on there but I’ve got a lot to give and it’s more glaringly painful at this time in the year when I’d just like someone to cosy up to and visit Christmas lights with. I hate feeling bitter so much and I’m bored of talking about it to friends, they don’t need my pity party.