Can selfishness be an early ign of dementia?

[ismymumjustadick]

Posting in chat for traffic.

My mum has always been a bit difficult. She’s always been seen as quite unlikable by other women, she can be passive aggressive and she can over react emotionally (e.g. screaming when dropping an empty tray in the kitchen).

However, over the last 3 or 4 years she’s become unbearable. She has become entirely self absorbed and does not give a shit about anything that doesn’t relate to her. She never asks how anybody is and if I text her to ask how she is or with some news she never ever asks about me and never comments on whatever news I have mentioned. In conversation, she has become very focused on one particular hobby in her life and only ever wants to talk about that and refers all conversation back to it or just changes the subject entirely to bring it back to her and her interest.

Writing this down, it doesn’t seem that bad - it’s so hard to put into words how hard she is to be around and how much of a change this is. She was never Mother Theresa but she was never this self absorbed or focused on one small thing before. Even her best friend (the only woman who has ever really liked her) took me to one side recently and was telling me how she couldn’t bear to be around her any more because of these changes and gave me a lot of shocking examples of her insensitive and just plain rude behaviour.

Could there be something wrong? I wondered about early dementia but I have no experience with it. She’s 65.

From my personal experoence with file, progressively insensitive and rude can be symptoms, also aggression and lack of inhibition when it comes to behaviour.

I also noticed that previously milder traits get massively exaggerated in dementia, wouldn't surprise me if dementia patients were medicated of in residential care.

I don't have any experience of dementia but do have a family member who has recently been diagnosed with Parkinson's she's gone from being absolutely selfless to I actually find it horrible to say because she's a wonderful person but the disease has changed her and made her more selfish. She never thinks to call or ask, I think because she was so involved before it makes it harder.

That is very interesting, thank you for your responses, both of you. I hadn’t considered Parkinson’s.

My brother has aspergers (high functioning) and has always come across as very rude, very singularly interested in one subject, arrogant in his beliefs and as though he doesn’t care about anyone other than himself. We know that this is just who he is and is due to him being on the autistic spectrum. My mum is behaving as he always has. If she hadn’t been different before, I would assume that she has aspergers.

Doesn’t sound like Parkinson’s but any form of dementia can present with early changes in personality. There are also different kinds of dementia . Might be worth reading up on frontotemporal dementia.

Selfishness, confusion, and low level aggression were the early signs in my family member.

Maybe look into frontotemporal dementia?

Lewey body dementia is often. Mismdiagnosed as Parkinson’s

My GM has become very selfish with dementia.

OP, I have wondered the same thing about my DM, just a bit older than yours. When they have always been a bit selfish, and mine also had MH problems, it is hard to tell which is which, but mine is definately getting worse. Interesting that you mention Aspergers. I suspect my DM might now have been diagnosed with this, she has quite a few traits. They are now taking the view that females with AS present differently to males, so it might be worth googling regarding your DM.

You could have been describing my mum. Always always always brought the conversation back to her, no matter what it was. I remember her coming to my house when ds2 was born and before she had got past the doormat and laid eyes on baby she was speaking about herself. She wasn’t always like that. I used to adore her. Then for about 6 years I found her unbearable. Now she is in residential care with mixed dementia. Weirdly I can love her again.

My mother underwent a completel change of character before dementia was diagnosed. From having been the most lovely, empathetic, charming person, she became rude, very bad tempered and unreasonable.
Your mother may have early symptoms - I’m sorry op as I know it’s very upsetting.

It can be a normal side of ageing. I was a care of the elderly nurse for donkeys years and older people are often more self centred. I think it's a natural mechanism designed to ensure your needs are met in older age.

I have known elderly people who don't have dementia to be completely non reactive when told of the death of a loved one, even when it's their own child. They would then talk about their illnesses and difficulties as if nothing had happened. It appeared to be a normal cognitive process rather than a pathology.

Thank you so much everybody who has responded, I am so so grateful to you all.

I’m going to go on a googling session now - frontotemporal dementia, aspergers in women and lewey body dementia are all getting looked up this evening.

It’s been really interesting to hear from those of you who have experienced similar in their close relatives and to see how that has progressed. I can’t put my finger on quite why her behaviour is not ‘her’ when she has always been known for being passive aggressive and difficult, but somehow it just isn’t. Until around 6 or 7 years ago she used to drive me insane with how over protective and smothering she was (one of those parents who combines constant worrying and intererence with repeatedly insinuating that you’re a bit useless and can’t do anything on your own and new her help all the time or you’ll fail / you know the type). But now she’s not even like that, she’s just utterly selfish.

citiesofbismuth also very interesting (and depressing) to hear that it could just be a normal sign of old age. Thank you.

Yes! Paranoia and being even more unreasonable than usual hit a good two years before any classic memory loss symptoms and a good 5 years before forgetting that clothes were essential to wear when visiting the off licence! Looking back the symptoms were obvious but at the time we just called him a grumpy unreasonable old man!

Ismy its hard, isnt it.... In DMs case, it seems like the elephant in the room, and if I'm the one to break the deadlock, I will be billed as the troublemaker.

This sounds like my mother.....
Marking.

Asbergers is lifelong and so would not explain a change in behaviour late in life. Lewy body dementia tends to present with hallucinations and other more physical symptoms, and less with changes in personality.
You could look at Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. The Alzheimer’s Scotland website is very helpful and looks at all the different kinds of dementia.
Would your dm accept a formal assessment

I emailed my dad the other day to ask if he thought there could be an issue. He’s now replied saying that he hasn’t noticed a change and thinks she behaves reasonably. I knew that would be his response deep down - her head could be spinning around while her soul summons the devil and he’d swear he hadn’t noticed anything. He is head in the sand man. I guess all I can do now is take note of any instances of the behaviour when I see her around Christmas and maybe ask my doctor for advice if I’m still concerned.

I know this is a Zombie thread but you could be talking about my mother - down to the one hobby and aspergic brother - major difference is that my mother is 76. Just wondering how this panned out for you, OP. I'm sad to say that my mum is so bad-tempered now I don't really like being around her very much anymore.