I'm a useless adult.

[hotstepper4]

I am a useless adult. I honestly am. I look at my friends, with their houses and their mortgages and kids and cars and well paid jobs and I can't understand how they manage it.

I'm 35. I recently lost my rental house because the LL needed it back. I'm now sofa surfing again while I desperately save for a new house. I have a beautiful 8yo ds who I lost residency of when he was 3 because once again I was sofa surfing and didn't have anywhere to call my own. I don't see him as often as I would like to.

I can't drive. I took 25 lessons but I just couldn't fight my anxiety enough to do it. I do have a job and a dh, although the latter has in turn made me a sm to 3 dc which is another source of anxiety. I drink too much. I'm just a failure at every thing. I never seem to stay long at anywhere as I have a condition called hyperacusis with tinnitus which means I'm super sensitive to noise and I've always had an issue somewhere - a dog barking, neighbours playing music etc - and I pack up and leave.

Even my ds gets frustrated with me “why can you not just live in a nice house like other mummys?” and I don't know what to say to him. I had a horrible childhood, with a lot of physical and mental abuse, but I can't use that as an excuse forever. I'm 35 and live like I'm 15. How can I change?

Is your dh sofa surfing with you? What steps is he taking so you can have a home?

Yes he is. We spend a week at my mums, then a week at his, week a friend's, then repeat the cycle. It's miserable. We will have a place soon but I'm praying I won't find some noise I don't like and off we go again. I need to break the cycle.

I have no advice, but I am also a useless adult. No home of my own, so am living with my mum, just lost my job, no friends, no partner, no car, no kids. Nothing really. Nobody really bothers with me anymore (professionals and friends) because I am flaming useless.

Don't beat yourself up OP!

Youve got a lot going on.

1. What is your dh doing to find a suitable home
2. Have you ever tried to address the noise issues?
3. Is there any treatment for this condition to lessen its impact on your day to day life?
4. Are you having any treatment for anxiety?
5. Have you had any therapy to deal with your abusive childhood?

I really dont tjink its fair to compare yourselves to friends who dont have the same challenges as you do. Of course it will be easier for them! You're 35 so almost halfway through your life. But that means youve got another half to make it work.

Thanks for the replies.

My dh is saving hard too. We were having his dc eow and now can't do that so he's just as anxious to get a place as I am.

I treat my tinnitus as best I can but unfortunately it's a permanent condition and obviously when the noise is in your head, earplugs do nothing.

I have had multiple attempts at therapy over the years.

I appreciate the responses.