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Feeling anxious over Xmas...

14 replies

PerfectlyGoodAtBeingBad · 03/12/2018 11:21

I didn't know where to stick this thread so appologies if I have plonked it in the wrong place.
I was just wondering if anyone else felt this overwhelming sense of anxiety/sadness at this time of year? Money is a huge problem for us (pay check to pay check) and I've tried to save up through the year to avoid the crippling anxiety I normally get. I'm lucky to have a good group of friends at my children's school who are making the festive period more cheery and for once it's felt a little lighter. I've done the normal things to minimise stress like coming off Facebook (piles of presents make me feel guilty so I avoid looking) and buying meaningful presents I know family will appreciate. Every time I mention how I feel in real life I'm told I'm being spiteful but I just can't enjoy myself. Once boxing day is here I feel great Sad.
Anyone else feel the same or am I being silly?

OP posts:
cjt110 · 03/12/2018 11:24

I am in the midst of a huge anxiety cloud - started off by seeing a thread on here about people's christmas trees and how beautiful they all looked. Ours isn't nearly as nice and I'm approx 15 hours into this anxiety attack... Snowballing because I'm panicking now over who will book time off to cover DS' half terms between February and September...

It's ridiculous.

I always look forward to December (christmas and my birthday) but I'm certain I always feel horrific.

PerfectlyGoodAtBeingBad · 03/12/2018 11:27

I'm sorry you feel this way. My tree isn't even out the box yet. I don't even know if all the bits are there ☹. All my friends are doing those elf things. Luckily my two haven't asked about them.

OP posts:
cjt110 · 03/12/2018 11:29

My tree isn't even out the box yet. Nor is ours!!

We're not doing elf things but he has an advent calendar and an elf door

EarlyModernParent · 03/12/2018 11:37

You aren't being silly at all. When money is a problem, all events that involve spending money are an added stress, especially in advance. This happens to DH and me every summer when all the families we know jet off somewhere beautiful and we stay at home or have a modest long weekend in the UK (still lucky to have that, but it is hard when children notice the disparity).

It really helps to let go of all conventional expectations of how Christmas is supposed to be. Hard with all the adverts and telly programmes showcasing massive excess, but anything said or portrayed by someone trying to sell you something doesn't count.

I grew up in a very poor country where most children got nothing.We got about 4 (mostly homemade) presents each. Sounds corny, but Christmas was still great fun. It was filled with love and togetherness and nice food. And for my mother, some fairly dodgy child-made necklaces, one or two of which she still loyally wears 40 years later!

However, you sound sensible and organised, so do remind yourself that you CAN do this and it WILL be fun. Add an extra dose of silliness to it! That's what I did for the 1st Xmas after my father died, and it helped a lot.

Why not try really silly joke presents (whoopee cushions etc), daft music playlists and 'Dad Dancing' competitions, printing corny jokes off the internet for people to read out-a favourite in our house-, games night, or fancy dress themes? Film nights with popcorn go down well, we did that and showed The Princess Bride recently, which the children loved.

Last year I told the family the dress code was 'tropical'. Seeing my usually very staid mother in a huge pair of pink plastic star-shaped sunglasses is now one of my best ever Christmas memories.

toothfairy73 · 03/12/2018 11:37

I feel huge anxiety each year. Money is an issue for us too. Before children I loved Christmas, I'd buy and wrap my presents by November, but since having children money is much tighter. I wish I could just enjoy it. But every time I hear how many weeks/days it is until Christmas I just feel a huge anxiety about how on earth I'm going to afford it all. My 11 DD seems to want more and more expensive things and I always feel I'm disappointing her. But actually what she enjoys is spending time with us.

My MOT is due tomorrow too and I've had to fork out for this and a service. I've just got my fingers and toes crossed and will be eating fresh air the rest of the month.

I start early buying stocking fillers and try and put money aside. To top it off this year it's the first Christmas since losing my MIL. I'm with you OP it is hugely anxiety provoking.

Bimwit · 03/12/2018 12:06

I dont even do a tree. Some years i put fairy lights up because theyre nice but thatll be about it. I buy meaningful presents ONLY for the people closest to me and everyone else gets a charity donation on their behalf or if im too hard up a lie about that i do activities with DD and buy a big pile of things from charity shops for about £15 because she's young and only wants the buzz of opening presents anyway. Sounds joyless but i refuse to be part of the circus. The important thing is financial survival and overall life happiness/comfort, not one day

ILiveInSalemsLot · 03/12/2018 14:16

I can’t believe people are calling you spiteful!
You’ve got the presents sorted which is brilliant.
You’ve got great friends.
You’ve got your lovely family.
Spend time with them. Go out for walks (nature is calming)
Find what’s free to do in your area.
Spend time with your children as that’s what’s important and they’ll have a lovely Christmas.
Focus on what you have rather on what you don’t. It’s not easy but it’ll help.

FogCutter · 03/12/2018 14:29

For many, Christmas seems to have become one massive drawn out competitive spend-fest. It's no wonder some families worry about Xmas and it not being 'good enough'.

I for one am not buying into all this "making memories' themed days out at expensive Xmas events, Xmas Eve boxes or £120 beauty/ gin advent calanders,

For me that's not what xmas is about, it's about having a nice time together as a family with nice food, wine and some presents. Loads of our favourite Xmas traditions are free or cheap - a cycle to pick holly which DS 'glitters' and makes into (crap) decorations, a visit to the local cathedral to see the beautiful decorations and nativity scene with a hot choc in the cafe after, a kids morning (ie reduced price) screening of a Xmas movie with a cheap bag of sweets from Lidl Smile or even just watching a film together on tv, playing family board games etc.

Please try to ignore all the commercial and social media pressure and have a lovely simple family Xmas.

toothfairy73 · 03/12/2018 16:02

I've just seen this ❤️

Feeling anxious over Xmas...
KandoKat · 03/12/2018 16:12

I haven't even got my tree yet!
I always get anxious how asd dc is going to cope with the annual family gathering.

Notcontent · 03/12/2018 16:19

I can understand you feeling this way. I think Christmas puts a lot of pressure on people - pressure to spend, pressure to have the perfect family to spend the perfect Christmas with, etc.

I don’t have money problems but Christmas still makes me feel a bit sad and stressed.

dontforgettofloss · 03/12/2018 17:55

I feel the same OP, I really don't like this time of year.
When I was a child, Christmas was about spending time with my family, having nice food, and we'd get one 'big' present, which never cost loads, and lots of little presents, funnily enough, my favourite presents were the satsuma in the stocking, and a diary with a padlock!
Now though, children want so much more, some parents spend thousands of pounds on presents.
My children want expensive stuff, and I simply cannot afford all of it.
When I do go Xmas shopping in the city where I live, I find it incredibly depressing, seeing people walking around with bags and bags of "stuff", when there's people sat in doorways with absolutely nothing.
You're lucky to have friends to lighten things up, unfortunately, I don't really have any proper friends, I have people I work with, mums I know through my children, acquaintances, but not real friendships.

PerfectlyGoodAtBeingBad · 03/12/2018 19:50

Thanks for the replies. It feels reassuring that I'm not the only one out there. I really try to make a conscious effort (mostly for the kids) but loads of other parents around me seem to go above and beyond so I feel like I'm not doing it right.
I'm also a pagan so my traditions aren't the same which kind of helps. My kids seem to enjoy the more nature based decorations but I think that will change the older they get.
Thank you for the hand hold. I hope the anxiety eases for us all soon Flowers

OP posts:
toothfairy73 · 05/12/2018 19:38

@PerfectlyGoodAtBeingBad I love the fact you are pagan, tell me more. I've always had pagan leanings

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