Neurologist appointment tomorrow and I'm scared

[SageYourResoluteOracle]

I've been having multiple symptoms for around 8 weeks now - initially, in isolation but now all simultaneously. They all point toward MS.

I'm struggling to sleep even though I'm exhausted and I just feel so scared. I have no headspace whatsoever and have just started working full time for the first time in 7 years. And (one of my symptoms) I need to pee constantly and have developed tinnitus too! (Another symptom) so I'm feeling really uncomfortable with this and the crawling skin, pins and needles, eye twitching... the list goes on!

DH and I have had exactly 10 years of utter crap to deal with and it's just been relentless. Anyone who knows me IRL will realise who I am but I don't care as I've shared this shovel
of shit with everyone anyway. In no particular order we’ve dealt with: infertility, job loss, debt, his and hers anti depressants, difficult pregnancy (as in they were going to terminate at 32 weeks on medical grounds), tiny baby in special care, having to sell property to sort other problems, being turned down to adopt (luckily seeing as we're now really not ideal candidates; the initial reason though was that I was the main earner...) DH having sepsis 3 times, DD having potential dxypraxia and confirmed premature adrenarche and we're stuck in rented accommodation as, well, it's complicated.

I'm sad, scared, exhausted and feel uncomfortable and just feel that everything is hopeless.

DH and I haven't had sex for 3 months now either. We're both knackered and he's not too well with a persistent cough as a throwback from all his illness last year but we're forced to sleep separately most nights due to it and the fact that I just can't bear the bed being moved or any noise.

The good thing is that we have really lovely friends and lots of local support, invitations to parties etc And our DD is AWESOME. Great company and fun to be around for the most part.

But mostly everything else feels fairly shit right now and I just don't have anything more to give.

And, did I mention? I'm scared about what the hospital appointment tomorrow may bring...and it's now almost 1am and I'm still awake. I've to be up at 6:30 and have to cram tonnes of work in at the office in the morning before leaving for the hospital. I cannot shut out the chatter, the bloody ringing in my ears and DH's coughing from downstairs. Arggghhhh!!!!!

Sorry. This is uncharacteristic for me to be like this but I honestly feel broken and just need a handhold really

Offering my hand for a hold and a bunch of

Thank you @biggirlknickers ... and how apt is your username?! That did make me smile.

I've got MS. I should be asleep too. I must go to bed now but I'm around tomorrow and it will be OK.

Thank you @AornisHades - it helps to not feel alone with this.
Sleep well.

Flowers to you

Offering another hand hold and here too.

You've been through so much! Life is truly shit to some.
I hope you can find a way to wind down and get some sleep you say that is part of ms, the not sleeping?

Is there something that works well for you? Or tablets yu could have to get enough sleep?

Wishing you the very best of luck OP. Make sure to take a comprehensive list of your symptoms with you so you don't forget any, and a list of any medications you take.

MS shares a huge number of symptoms several other ailments so try not to be too concerned, it could at this point just as easily be something less sinister.
If you've not had an MRI before or rwcently you can expect the consultant to book you in for one of these, which in my experience is a pretty routine outcome/precaution with any symptoms with no obvious cause.

I feel your pain with the coughing DH though, my DP is upstairs doing the same and it's driving me spare. I'm an incredibly light sleeper and thought it lucked out by not catching (touch wood) this awful cough he has, but I've barely slept all week regardless for listening to him cough his guts up .

@Rattinghat @Shriek & @dontgobaconmyheart

Thank you for your words of support and I know it might not be MS but when I was diagnosed with ovarian failure ten years ago, I knew before it was even mentioned. Gut feel I suppose. And the fact that the idea I've an undiagnosed autoimmune condition (this idea has been floated by consultants) that might be the underlying cause of my ovaries packing in could tie in with the autoimmune aspect (there is one, right? A bit new to this...) may tie in. But I'm no medic so let's see. I feel vaguely more positive today and managed 5 hours of sleep so not as bad as it could have been.

You know, I love Mumsnet for this. It's not that I don't feel I can say stuff like this to friends but there's comfort in anonymity and also feeling that bit removed from people that makes this such a comfort... I worry that if I say out loud what I really feel then the anger and fear and pain will just bubble over and that'll be it.

Anyway. Off to see the lovely team I work with then on mission to hospital!

Thinking of u op

Just wishing you all the best.
Sometimes it’s better to know. The fear of what it may be, what it may mean is sometimes harder than it’s ‘x’, therefore I need to do ‘y’.
Good luck,

Another person with MS holding your hand! As the person said, an MRI will be their first thing, they never even used the MS words until after I had two of those and a couple of other tests. They and I both assumed it was linked to my anxiety but wanted to rule more serious things out.

Thank you @hewhinessoshewines @Cantchooseaname & @Pericombobulations

@Pericombobulations that's interesting as I've had 'flairs' of anxiety-type symptoms for years... and I am prone to worrying but actually overall a really outgoing and confident person so some of my symptoms over the years have been at odds with how I think I feel if that makes sense?

Anyway. A bit of office catch up for now but thank you all. This is helping me!

Back again. Hope you got some sleep.
As others have said, expect to be sent for an MRI as that's the easiest way to see what's happening with your spinal cord and brain.
MS isn't usually diagnosed unless you've had two distinct episodes of numbness etc. So even if something shows up they may still need to watch and wait.
I think it's often the case that people can have more than one autoimmune condition. I've got two.
There are lots of options to try and control MS and there's established NHS support for it. I'm working and you'd never guess I have it.

Sitting outside the consultant's office just now, inane Christmas music playing in the distance...

I feel sick 🤢 Am roller balling pulse point aroma-whatsit.

@AornisHades REALLY good to hear that!

(PS might I get some good drugs?!)

Good luck, OP. Hope your consultant appointment goes ok

:) My GP was very happy to give me medication to help with anxiety during the diagnosis process!

Hope you got on well OP and the consultant was kind and listened, they will order tests and when the results are in, call you back for review most likely

Hope you got on ok.

Offering hand-holding for you, its a big deal though go through, and you have to get all and every support everywhere you can.

Thinking of you and really hope today has gone OK for you x

So I’ve extremely low vitamin D- easily sorted. They don’t think I’ve got anything disastrous going on like a tumour (which is a bloody relief) so I’ll have an MRI in the next 4 weeks as there’s no panic. She said it could well be MS but that it could be an ‘MS mimic’ - some sort of undiagnosed autoimmune condition. I’ll also be tested for Lyme disease and then we’ll see where all of that leaves us. I still feel bleugh but slightly less worried. Phew! Totally forgot to ask about driving though but do feel woolly so will still avoid for now.

Just got to wait now. Wish I didn't feel so crapola though! Thanks all for being there for me. It's really helped me feel less scared.

And it was someone under the consultant who I saw but she was extremely thorough and very kind- I was in there for about 45 minutes!

That's reasonably good then :) Did they say how they're going to tackle the Vitamin D? I think there are threads on here about the effects of a vit d deficiency and that could be your only problem.
What was your query about driving?

Get your vit d back up it will stop joint pains and a lot of other issues. Simple GP blood test could have sorted that, what shame it wasn't picked up earlier as this could be the issue.

So glad you are feeling less scared. Fingers crossed for you here. Xx

Glad it went ok for you. Hope the MRI comes back all clear too.