Impotent rage - When the aggressor paints themselves as the victim....

[Rrraaaggghhh]

And is believed.

The real victim is vilified, shamed and ostracised.

The sheer injustice leads to a build up of anger contributing to medical issues and rage at anything and everything. It sucks out the enjoyment of life and any feelings of being at peace are a distant memory.

Solutions appreciated (not counselling as no money).

I'm sorry op, I have no advice but I'm in the same boat. Do you want to vent?

For what it's worth I spent several weeks writing down everything I could remember about the abuse I suffered at the hands of my own aggressor and it was cathartic but I read it over and reassured myself that despite the fabrications of the aggressor I know what really happened.

My mum . She tells my brothers I am horrible to get and they in turn are aggressive to me threatening on regular occasions . My crime I took my chikdren and me away from. Their abusive dad who physically financially and psychologically abused us . All in all she tells then half truths and uses them to keep me in my place. They are her flying monkey - look that term up! . This went
on for years until I walked from them all and could not be happier whereas shes with my dad who's abusive. She's jealous cos I left an abusive man whearas she did not. My advice is get out

Thanks Lil and Molly. Sorry you have experienced this too .

I'm concerned that it's going to make me ill. I've already got high blood pressure which I believe is related. I've become very self destructive in terms of looking after myself and I've turned into someone I don't recognise in terms of personality. Pretty bitter and ugly.

I just don't know what to do with this rage. I can't use it against the person who deserves to feel it. Can't seem to find anything positive to channel it in to.

Help!

I totally understand what you mean OP.
I am in the same situation and all I can do is have no contact with the person and hope karma gets them. Of course this then makes them look more of a victim which is exactly what they want.
For my own mental heath, I just don't care anymore, I have also distanced myself as much as I can from those who have been taken in by this person. I don't think there is anymore you can do.

Op my counsellor gave me the information I needed to learn that I would never be able to recover from 25 years of abuse (and I do NOT use that term lightly) until I walked away from my aggressor. Are you able to walk away? Is it possible for you to put up mental barriers against your aggressor? I won't even allow my sister to speak about my mother because like you it has serious consequences on my blood pressure. Keep yourself safe if you can op, no body is worth your health x

Sorry about the 'x', I know it pisses some people off!

I did some bad things in my relationship. Out of character things . Things I am ashamed of and for me, things I can't understand WHY I did. However, they were all a reaction to years of emotional neglect, upset, emotional abuse, indifference-lack of support, being used and taken for granted. I am trying to keep my chin up. Of course-everyone hears their side first, somehow.

Can you do some form of excersise to vent the rage? I had similar rage last year when someone I thought was a friend abused my trust multiple times and had clearly been using me. I felt a fool for thinking she had been a close friend. Luckily I don't see much of her around now (I completely blocked her when a few ppl mentioned things she had said/done). It ate me up for a few months simply for the deception. Best thing I did was start yoga once a week and walking. Looking after yourself (or punching a pillow across the room repeatedly) should help

Can't seem to find anything positive to channel it in to

Re-discover yourself. That is the most positive thing you can do.

Self help books or you tube videos
Mindfulness meditation
Yoga
Exercise
Diet
Love yourself first, you are more than what you think you are.

Seek organisations that can help. Women's Aid, DV helpline, Samaritans, MIND for example.

HTH

Have you spoken to your GP for any help, OP?

You need to let the anger go, easier said than done I know. It's your own anger that is making you feel worse now. No point in holding on to it.